What to do with my life (need advice bad)?

[lehighguy]

First some background. I'm 22. I just graduated college a little over 3 months ago. Now I work for an investment bank in NYC where I live. Our training program is just finishing, and afterwards I'm going to start on some desk in sales and trading (front-office) for those in the biz.

So about my future. I have three options as I see it:

1) Keep working on Wall Street:
I really really hate my job. When I was a freshmen in college my Aunt got me an interview without asking me (this is very young, most don't do it until thier junoir year). I did a summer internship and was very successful. They invited me back for another the next year and offered to pay for part of my college (which I turned down because I didn't want to be locked into working for them). We are just finishing up training, and I will then be assinged to a business group. I didn't really want this job, I took it because I didn't know what else to do. I did it because it was the "right" thing to do. I even turned down applying for other jobs because I would have to use my company as a refernce and they would probably fire me if they thought I was applying for other jobs. So this is where I'm at now.

Pros of Job
Money. I make $55,000 salary +$10k signing bonus right out of college. Two more years and I'll be making six figures. 10 years out I could be making a $million/year. However, my expenses are ginormous. Rent, food, and taxes in NYC are rediculous. I have no spending money left. I can barely save. And as I make more money, I'm expected to spend more. It's part of the business. I'm expected to hob nob with my rich clients and co-workers and spend. I turned down going to vegas with them this week because it was too expensive. It will only get worse. Also, later on they try and compensate you with stock and options, which I can't keep if I leave the company. The whole thing is designed to lock you in. I've even met people that have all the money they need to retire, but they have been doing this so long they can't. Everything they do, everyone they know, is tied to the bank. They can't get out. The idea of retiring at 35 is really appealing to me, but who knows if I'll be able too. Maybe in 15 years taxes on the top bracket will be 70% because Social Security is bankrupt. I could be chasing nothing.

Moreover, I don't even want money. I just want enough for food and booze and videogames. I want to spend time hanging out with my friends. I've never been able to spend all the money I've gotten. I've got between $25,000-$30,000 in the bank. Even when I was 17 I hate a huge bank account. I wouldn't know what to do with it.

Good Resume Builder
If I do this, I will be able to get another job much easier. I don't know if it will be worth much outside banking, but its gotta be impressive. If I quit, I'll be labeled a quiter for life, right? I turned down my shot. Who's gonna hire me and spend money training me?

I'm good at this
I may hate it, but I'm very good at it. I'm better then most of the other trainees. The company is always trying to push me foward.

Cons
I don't know if I can make it another 2 years. I don't know if I can make it another 2 months. Each day is killing my soul. Minimum workweek is 60 hours. Sometimes more. Because I hate work so much I've developed a crippling insomnia. I don't want to go to sleep because I have to wake up and go to work. I'm getting less then four or five hours every night. If I had work today I would have gotten two. It feels like its getting worse. And it makes my waking hours unbearable. It's like I'm niether awake or asleep. I drink two red bulls a day. This is killing me.

Also, I hate corporate America in general. I hate having a boss. I don't think I'll ever be satisfied until I own my own business and report to myself. I don't think a different kind of banking job is the answer.

2) Play Poker for a Living
This would be a dream solution, if I thought I was good enough. I started playing 3/6 on party one year ago. I made 1.7bb/100 four tabling during fall semester and played 5/10 short towards the end.

When I came back in Spring semester I really picked up my game. I played 5/10 on pacific and made about 4k. Then I started playing 200NL and made great moeny too. I played in the sunday tournament about 10 times ($100 buy-in) and cashed in 3rd once for $8,000. When they opened up $600NL I did very well, up 8k. However, I've gone down 5k since then, including 1k last night (first time I played in two months).

I also played $50+5 tournies over the summer and made $4.89/tourney (ROI = 9%). At 40min per tourney that is $7.62/hour. I play 4 tournies at once so that is close to $28/hour. This is over 541 tournies. If you include my shots at 100s and 200s the results go down. I make $3.85/tourney (ROI 6%), $6.01/hour times 4 tables. So $24/hour over 601 tournies. None of this includes rakeback. I would add $1300 in rakeback since Feb including tournaments and my 50NL and 100NL cash play on eurobet. I also earned rakeback from pacific, but not as much.

In summary, I've made about $19,000 this year. I would estimate I played an average of 10 hours a week over the first 6 months, mostly at one table of pacific for the first 4. My main source of income has been pacific, which is getting harder to beat everyday and still offers only one table. Avg pots are comming way down, more sharks are feeding. This last 5k downswing is destroying my confidence.

I would be satisfied with playing poker for 50k/year, but I worry about the future of its popularity. I kinduv want to make $100k per year so I can save 50k of it. That way if poker dies in 5 years I'll have $250k to start my own business. I'd really like to open an internet gaming cafe or something. I know they won't loan money to a gambler, so I'm gonna need my own capital. Thing is, I just don't know if I have enough natural talent to do that. If I was gonna make it, shouldn't I have done it by now?

Bankroll considerations. I have like $25-30k in the bank. Of that money 10k + interest in my signing bonus. If I leave the bank anytime in the next 9 months or so they will keep it. So now I'm down to $15-20k. I still have to pay taxes on poker winning, so that could be like 7-10k right?. Down to like 8k or so. I have prepaid next month rent, so if I work until the end of decemeber I could probably save another 2k or so. I have $20k of student loans. Most are low interest and only require $50 payments each month, but 1k or 2k of it is at 7%, so I want to pay it off.

If I quit I will move back into my friends apartment off campus. Rent will be only a few hundred a month. I won't need a car. I already have a 21 inch monitor and a new computer for poker, as well as all the poker software. I can't think of any big expenses.

Lastly, I LOVE POKER. I spend all day everyday thinking about poker. I can sit for 6 hour sessions and love every minute of it. I hate losing specifically because it makes me believe I couldn't go pro. If I had made $100,000 this year and lost $5k I wouldn't care. Specific bad beat hands don't bother me. It's when I think I can't do it that it bothers me, because I want to do it so bad. I study, I read, I'm trying so hard.

I'm a big gamer. I played chess on a state champion chess team. I play every strategy game ever invented. I was an extremely good RTS player. Poker is like the king of games, and I love playing it. What hurts about my job is I'm so tired I can't play poker at all anymore. I'm being forced to give it up.

3) Game Developement
I would really like to break into this industry, but I have no skills. Sure, I understand game balance and mechanics extremely well, but those jobs usually go to more senoir staff. I have no graphics art talent at all, which is what most people in that industry do. There was an opening for a community manager at blizzard, but I didn't send my application because people said my company would probably fire me if they found out. I get the feeling most jobs in that industry go to friends and family anyway, seeing as everyone wants one. Nevertheless, I wish I had tried.

I had straight As the firs two years of college and loved it because I was doing what I wanted, but dropped to Cs the last two years. I started doing a finance major junoir year because it "made sense" given what my job was. I hated the classes with a passion, and while I got As on the tests I usually slacked off so much and mouthed off so much I ended up getting Cs. Between that and quiting my last job I can't see someone hiring me.

Final Thoughts

4 months ago life was perfect. I had tons of good friends, I have fun all day, I was making tons of money at poker, and I have tons of free time. 4 months later I'm ready to keel over dead. Poker isn't going well, i have no good friends, my co-workers are shallow tools, i hate my job, i have no free time. It just all went so wrong so quick.

I talked to my parents about this and the jist of what they said is the life sucks. My best years are behind me, work is suppose to be totally miserable, and it won't change. Just suck it up.

I talked to one of my roomates who is 30. He has been doing 9-5 for 8 years now. He absolutely hates every single day of work. He says he just goes into a trance for 8 hours and pretends he isn't there. When I told him I work 60, 70, 80 hours a week he said he was sorry for me. At least his off hours made up for his on hours. No such luck for me. I asked him how he keeps doing something he hates every single day, and he said its just life. He's 30 and miserable and totally resigned to fate, am I gonna be like that in 8 years?

I've been making the responsible decision everyday since I was 5. I've always been living for the future. Now that it is here I hate it. I'm totally lost and don't know what to do.

[j0ep0ker]

You seem like you are good at poker. If you can manage your money and do it as a living, then you should. You can grind it out playing poker and have days off whenever you want. You can stay up all the time and sleep in. You should try it.

[j0ep0ker]

Play poker

[j0ep0ker]

How would it feel to wake up on a monday morning... see everyone else going to work and then you sitting down in a tournament???

I really don't see how people can wake up each morning and go work all day. Playing poker is a job. Lots of people do it for a living and it's easy for some. And don't lose your confidence. There are always worse players than you at the game. And even if they aren't, you can still get lucky. You have the skills for poker.... so start playing for a living.

[j0ep0ker]

sht... i just remembered... internet poker is rigged... so if you want to play for a living... then you gotta play live.

[lehighguy]

You sound like you playing for a livig now. This true?

[j0ep0ker]

hahaha no... I still live at home with no job and no money. I will play poker for a living one day. I know I can... I just can't go work full time like you are doing... that's not right to have to work that many hours.... you dont want to be doing this for years and years do you? Like you said.. i dont care about money... Just as long as i have enough to eat and stuff then i'm fine...

[j0ep0ker]

Take that money... give me 1K... then start grinding out 5-10 or whatever and live off that. You can easily beat 5-10 right? By the way... you should go to a casino once a week on fridays. they gamble so much...

[andyfox]

To a certain extent, your parents are correct. Nothing in life is easy, it all requires hard work, whether you're an investment banker, poker player, or shepherd.

Having said that, though, you shouldn't be doing something you hate. You should make sure, though, that it really is the work you hate, rather than the idea of working, before you opt out. I have some investment banker friends and they've all done extraordinarily well.

There's an argument to be made for "Do what you love, and the rest will follow." There's also a counter-argument. After all, I love boozing, gambling, and womanizing--what will follow from that will surely be prison or death (or both). [img]/images/graemlins/smirk.gif[/img]

Please don't be offended by the following: you're immature. When you say, "I just want enough for food and booze and videogames," that shows me that you’re still a little boy to some extent. You’ve obviously got brains. I could tell that from your political posts; your educational and professional achievements confirm it. But I’d be wary of making decisions that can have long-term consequences, such as quitting my job to play poker, while I was still just interested in food, booze, and video games.

You can be a semipro player. With your talent and education couldn’t you find a job similar to the one you now have that could be closer to 40 hours? Why not see a career professional who could help give you some ideas or contacts or get you in touch with other people. You could then use the “extra” time to be a semi-pro player and see if a full-time poker career is something that suits you and that you’re suited for.

[j0ep0ker]

this job is causing him stress. He can't sleep. He might get into a depression or something. and hes not immature by saying he just wants money for food booze and games... some people just dont care about having lots of extra money. maybe you are just not fit to be working this many hours? try to get less hours like that guy said... or play poker.