jobs are important ?

[Stuey]

I know several people like this and they all have a few things in common.

1. An enabler.

The person supporting them is a major part of the problem. Sometimes the enabler is trying to gain control or superiority over the person. It is a form of abuse imo. If this were the case I would try to get the person away from the enabler and work to try and rebuild their self-esteem.

Sometimes the enabler is just being to kind to the person. Some people just can't say no and they attract people that will use this weakness. In this case both people are damaging themselves by allowing this. If this was the case I would talk to the enabler and explain the damage they are causing by letting the freeloader live this way and convince them hard love is required here.

2. Depression always sets in if they live like this very long.

Think about it, how can anyone feel good about himself or herself living this way. I have always had a job. And I mean always I worked after school when I was 12. I was a janitor and my friends made fun of me all the time. Yet it never hurt my self-esteem because the amount of positive self confidence you gain can easily over come any negativity others throw at you. Before that I had jobs at home that I never got paid for but had to be done. I grew up on a farm.

To this day some people ask me why I do some of the jobs that I do. People need to understand your job does not define who you are, the way you do the job does.

3. Weed or other drugs this includes booze and smokes and even overeating.

It sounds funny but think about it. The person is depressed and they are self medicating. People try to fix their problems one at a time. First I will lose some weight then maybe quit smoking and then finally I will get out and meet new people. Fix the depression and the other problems sometimes disappear or at least they will be much easier to tackle.

4. Denial

All these people will come up with a million excuses why they have no chance of getting out of their situation. This is because they don't want to take the responsibility for their past and future problems. Much easier to come up with reasons why none of it is their fault.

Sorry if this sounded mean but that was not my intention. Sometimes the truth is just ugly and when someone says it out loud it sounds mean.

The bottom line is in order to build their self-esteem they need to break the cycle. It does not have to be complicated they need to realize where they are and understand why it won't change unless they take responsibility for their future and make the changes required.

People think change takes a long time, I don't, I think it happens in a second. The first second you admit to yourself you are the one in charge of your problems everything changes.

[Vish]

I can't believe nobody has mentioned this. Teach this lazy bum to play poker. It requires no formal education, and he could be making more than 7 bucks an hour pretty quickly. No, he's not "helping people" (God, I hate people who want to help people) but beggars can't be choosy.

[DasLeben]

[ QUOTE ]
People need to understand your job does not define who you are, the way you do the job does.

[/ QUOTE ]

Thank you. This is a very good quote.

[ddollevoet]

Gorie, I know people like this. They are miserable, like to complain, and don't follow through on advice given to them. I think you did your part, but some people don't want to be "fixed."

My guess is that your friend will continue her current pattern until her support gets cut off, then she'll find someone else to support her.

Let her know how you feel and let it go. SHE has to make the change, and she won't until she's ready.

[HopeydaFish]

[ QUOTE ]
I can't believe nobody has mentioned this. Teach this lazy bum to play poker. It requires no formal education, and he could be making more than 7 bucks an hour pretty quickly. No, he's not "helping people" (God, I hate people who want to help people) but beggars can't be choosy.

[/ QUOTE ]

I might get flamed for this for daring to question the wisdom of someoen playing poker for a living, but I don't think that poker is the answer for this guy. This guy doesn't sound like he has much drive or self-discipline, plus he seems pretty stubborn so he'd be hard to teach. Less than 10% of poker player are long-term winners, so the odds are already stacked against him being successful. He's already $25,000 in debt, getting into even more debt through poker will make him even more depressed. He needs a traditional job, where he interracts with real people and gets a traditional paycheque.