Ugh, the mom and her hatred towards casinos -- please help

[yellowjack]

The background info: My mom's dad has losts millions in gambling. He was a very smart construction contractor but gambled like a madman on horses, roulette, craps, you name it. He didn't go broke but spent almost every weekend gambling. My mom went with him a few times and has a very damaging memory of placing a bet for roulette, only to have another person call back the bet as his own before the wheel was spun. It's haunted her for life, and her perception of casinos and people in casinos. She also has memories being up big playing other casino house games and then losing it all in a single bet.

The situation: When I started playing poker almost a year ago it was alright because it was small stakes. I started going to the casinos when I was of age but never told her. However the bubble kind of burst a few days ago when I won the first tournament I entered for a lot of money. The money is irrelevant, but I wanted to tell her so that -

1) she could stop worrying about me & money
2) i can take my family out to dinner
3) to come clean with her

I told my dad and he's ok with it because he gambled when he was my age and is rid of it. I think I impressed him with my maturity towards "responsibly gambling" (i.e. limits, not playing spontaenously, playing for entertainment?)

I only told her I've been there 3 times, which is a lie. I've been about 10 times this year. Just today we discussed how she didn't want me to go to the casinos regularly for entertainment. I guess my dad's advice was bad to put it lightly.

I don't know how to paraphrase everything that my mom has said about me playing but the list below is what I recall. We've discussed this very openly and both my mom and I are good at not getting directly angry at each other, but trying to explain our rationale in as calm a way as possible:

<ul type="square">[*]the people i'm playing with are addicted[*]the fact that i used to restrict my play to online tables and now am going to the casino is a sign of addiction[*]me not agreeing to never go to the casino again is a sign of me being addicted[*]young people like myself (im 19) have better things to do for entertainment[*]it is scary for her that im not intimidated in a casino, nor by the people i play with[*]casinos are detrimental for society, so i shouldnt be there[*]there is a high risk of me getting robbed of my money at the table, in the casino somewhere, in the parking lot, or anywhere on the drive home[/list]
In case it is not obvious, she doesn't care for any sort of money &amp; time management I have planned. She doesn't want me there, period. I see why though, it's not about that. It's me being physically in the casino, or in her eyes, hell's gate.

I have tried to think logically about each of her points. The one that strikes me is me being addicted if I cannot agree to never go to the casino again. This is true (that I don't want to agree to this), so I suppose it is true that I'm already addicted. My rationale (to myself, earlier) was that the tables are easier live and for higher stakes, but I'm beginning to have my doubts.

As for a few of her other points, I believe she is being paranoid with robbery and that people are not that unpleasant to be "terrified of". I suppose I should have better things to do but I feel I am good at hold'em. I like doing what I'm good at it.

She's obviously correct in casinos being detrimental. So what do I do here? What are your thoughts on my perspective and my mom's? Is there anything I could do for us to go onto common grounds or will there be no peace? If you have a similar issue with your rents, please tell me. PM me if you're uncomfortable and I'll gladly take any constructive advice/feedback.

[Rasputin]

Talk to a Gamblers Anonymous counselor and, asuming they concur that you are not addicted, invite your mother to talk to them too.

[Autocratic]

Her logic is not solid - you aren't addicted for not wanting to give something up that you enjoy. I'm not addicted to orange juice, but if someone who had a bad experience with it wanted me to stop drinking it, I would refuse. Bad example, but you get my point.

I agree with talking to a Gamblers Anonymous rep. Explain the situation and your desire to play, and ask for a smart course of action.

[yellowjack]

Good idea with the counsellor. Assuming I checkout with the Gamblers Anonymous counsellor as not being addicted, she still thinks the casino is a terrible place. I suppose then the reality of the matter is that nothing good can come out of any further discussion. Casino = bad place.

[VarlosZ]

Still living at home? Then only go to the casino rarely, if at all. She's not going to be convinced, hiding it is unpleasant (and perhaps impossible), and everyone will get along better if you do as she asks -- this is ultimately worth more than the occasional good time at the casino.

If you're not living at home, then go as often as you like, and lie about it. She doesn't have a right to know about every single thing you do, and feeding her irrational fears won't do anyone any good.

[GMan42]

[ QUOTE ]
I agree with talking to a Gamblers Anonymous rep. Explain the situation and your desire to play, and ask for a smart course of action.

[/ QUOTE ]

Hmmm...not sure how understanding a GA rep would be about +EV games, etc...I wouldn't be surprised if he hears your side and says "of course you're addicted, house has edge in everything, don't you understand you'll give back all your winnings and then some, you need help, yada yada" and then you're really screwed with your Mom's perception of this.

[Edge34]

[ QUOTE ]
Still living at home? Then only go to the casino rarely, if at all. She's not going to be convinced, hiding it is unpleasant (and perhaps impossible), and everyone will get along better if you do as she asks -- this is ultimately worth more than the occasional good time at the casino.

If you're not living at home, then go as often as you like, and lie about it. She doesn't have a right to know about every single thing you do, and feeding her irrational fears won't do anyone any good.

[/ QUOTE ]

This is the correct answer.

It sounds like the OP's dad is cool, so don't worry about him. He's not going to change his mom though, so the best thing he can do is just not tell her. Its only going to make things worse to try and change her mind.

[ QUOTE ]
# young people like myself (im 19) have better things to do for entertainment
# casinos are detrimental for society, so i shouldnt be there

[/ QUOTE ]
Two excellent points. I'd like to see you refute them.

[yellowjack]

I'm 19 and still going to a university nearby, so moving out isn't an option for the next two years. My older sister is still living at home, and she's 4 years older so I think I'll be living here for at least 6 years. My family has always been big on saving up and not renting, only buying.

On these two points:
- young people like myself (im 19) have better things to do for entertainment
- casinos are detrimental for society, so i shouldnt be there

You're right in that they are hard for me to refute. For entertainment at night this is part of the "routine" of things I do. Other things have included going out drinking, billiards, etc. etc. Just normal stuff, and then this. Shouldn't I have other things to do than this for "entertainment"? Yeah, but I like doing this too. I could just be in denial about the whole thing, but it's so damn hard to be subjective about it. I don't even know whether or not I'm addicted to poker here, but if I am does this mean I'm addicted to gambling?

On the casinos being detrimental, she is saying a lot with that. I can't refute it for sure; it's true that they're no good for society. But should I need to? She is saying that people shouldn't work at casinos, factories that produce cigarettes, and liquor stores because there are products/services that are sold/used that are detrimental to society. I'm not comparing my playing poker to working, but both involve being at the location regularly.

Edit: I just remembered another point she had. "See where gamblers are a few years down the road and look at how unhealthy their life(style) is". I can certaintl refer to you guys, right?

[xniNja]

Without reading any other replies, the obvious answer is to go play all the time and not tell her. Kids these days, gotta ask 2+2 about everything.