what is the best insult?

[Jman28]

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My friend wanted to learn how to vomit on cue. He always thought it would be the ultimate insult.

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This is totally possible. I know people who can.

Also, "weiner" is my favorite insult.

[NLSoldier]

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I have to go with "douche", but good old retard is always a favorite.

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my new favorite is "fucktard"

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My favorite is "You're no Lisa."

(see "should I kill myself" thread)

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NH sir.

[bholdr]

well.. my freind and i had a disagreement once, and the insults started escalating...

he called me "dirtbag"... meh.
I said "fuk you"... double meh.
he came back with "peice of sht!"
that got me going a bit and i let him have it... "go to hell, you dirty sonofabitch"
which got him going "fuking ashole coksuker..." this was too standard issue to really rile me up, i just stared at him. he said: "...you're a damn LIAR!"
now, there's nothing that can really insult me like being called a liar- he knows this. i almost decked him, but instead i let it hang there for like 20 seconds, and then, looking him directly in the eyes, in a slow, acidic tone (so he knew i meant it), i said "fu ck your mother"

POW!... and i'm looking up at him... i started laughing, he did too, we got high and forgot about it.

anyway, i've never said that phrase in that particular tone and failed to get into a fight. so that's my #1 insult.

[Stuey]

assclown, I bring out the worst in people

[Blarg]

For a woman, nerd. They'll worry if it's at least a little true for a long time.

ALternatively, ask the unattractive ones if they used to be a man. My roommate did this to one of our neighbors and she couldn't even look at any of us after that and moved out in about a week.

Of course, if the woman's a sharp one, the dialogue is gonna go like this:

Him: Did you used to be a man?
Her: No. Did you?

[JaBlue]

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"Well the jerk store called, and they're runnin' out of you!"

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"What's the difference? You're their best seller!"

[touchfaith]

I have it, but it's loooonnnnnnggggggg...I found this posted somewhere about 7 or 8 years ago and had to save it.

I think I posted it here once before, but for those that missed it, I give you...


<font color="red"> The Flaming Moe </font> (yes...I named it)

"You swine. You vulgar little maggot. You worthless bag of filth. As we say in Texas, I'll bet you couldn't pour urine out of a boot with instructions on the heel. You are a canker. A sore that won't go away. I would rather kiss a lawyer than be seen with you. You're a putrescent mass, a walking vomit. You are a spineless little worm deserving nothing but the profoundest contempt. You are a jerk, a cad, a weasel.

Your life is a monument to stupidity. You are a stench, a revulsion, a big suck on a sour lemon. You are a bleating foal, a curdled staggering mutant dwarf smeared richly with the effluvia and offal accompanying your alleged birth into this world. An insensate, blinking calf, meaningful to nobody, abandoned by the puke-drooling, giggling beasts who sired you and then killed themselves in recognition of what they had done. I will never get over the embarrassment of belonging to the same species as you. You are a monster, an ogre, a malformity. I barf at the very thought of you. You have all the appeal of a paper cut. Lepers avoid you. You are vile, worthless, less than nothing. You are a weed, a fungus, the dregs of this earth. And did I mention you smell?

Try to edit your responses of unnecessary material before attempting to impress us with your insight. The evidence that you are a nincompoop will still be available to readers, but they will be able to access it more rapidly.

You snail-skulled little rabbit. Would that a hawk pick you up, drive its beak into your brain, and upon finding it rancid set you loose to fly briefly before spattering the ocean rocks with the frothy pink shame of your ignoble blood. May you choke on the queasy, convulsing nausea of your own trite, foolish beliefs.

You are weary, stale, flat and unprofitable. You are grimy, squalid, nasty and profane. You are foul and disgusting. You're a fool, an ignoramus. Monkeys look down on you. Even sheep won't have sex with you. You are unreservedly pathetic, starved for attention, and lost in a land that reality forgot. And what meaning do you expect your delusionally self-important statements of unknowing, inexperienced opinion to have with us? What fantasy do you hold that you would believe that your tiny-fisted tantrums would have more weight than that of a leprous desert rat, spinning rabidly in a circle, waiting for the bite of the snake? You are a waste of flesh. You have no rhythm. You are ridiculous and obnoxious.

You are the moral equivalent of a leech. You are a living emptiness, a meaningless void. You are sour and senile. You are a disease, you puerile, one-handed, slack-jawed, drooling, meatslapper. On a good day you're a half-wit. You remind me of drool. You are deficient in all that lends character. You have the personality of wallpaper. You are dank and filthy. You are asinine and benighted. You are the source of all unpleasantness. You spread misery and sorrow wherever you go.

You smarmy lagerlout git. You bloody woofter sod. Bugger off, pillock. You grotty wanking oik artless base-court apple-john. You clouted boggish foot-licking twit. You dankish clack-dish plonker. You gormless crook-pated tosser. You churlish boil-brained clotpole ponce. You cockered bum-bailey poofter. You craven dewberry cockup pratting naff. You gob-kissing gleeking flap-mouthed coxcomb. You dread-bolted fobbing beef-witted clapper-clawed flirt-gill. You are a fiend and a coward, and you have bad breath. You are degenerate, noxious and depraved. I feel debased just for knowing you exist. I despise everything about you, and I wish you would go away. I cannot believe how incredibly stupid you are. I mean rock-hard stupid. Dehydrated-rock-hard stupid. Stupid, so stupid it goes way beyond the stupid we know into a whole different dimension of stupid. You are trans-stupid stupid. Meta-stupid. Stupid collapsed on itself so far that even the neutrons have collapsed. Stupid gotten so dense that no intellect can escape. Singularity stupid. Blazing hot mid-day sun on Mercury stupid. You emit more stupid in one second than our entire galaxy emits in a year. Quasar stupid. Your writing has to be a troll. Nothing in our universe can really be this stupid. Perhaps this is some primordial fragment from the original big bang of stupid. Some pure essence of a stupid so uncontaminated by anything else as to be beyond the laws of physics that we know.

I'm sorry. I can't go on. This is an epiphany of stupidity for me. After this, you may not hear from me again for a while. I don't have enough strength left to deride your ignorant questions and half baked comments about unimportant trivia, or any of the rest of this drivel. Duh. The only thing worse than your logic is your manners. I have snipped away most of your of whay you wrote, because, well... it didn't really say anything. Maybe later in life, when you have learned to read, write, spell, and count, you will have more success. True, these are rudimentary skills that many of us "normal" people take for granted that everyone has an easy time of mastering. But we sometimes forget that there are "challenged" persons in this forum.

I wish you the best of luck in the emotional, and social struggles that seem to be placing such a demand on you!!!"

[Blarg]

Jeez, I think I'd be flattered as hell if someone took the time and effort to rip me a new one like that. Caring that much is practically on the level of a marriage proposal.

[contentless]

The name doesn't fit. It's...underwhelming.

[dhaimon]

Watch "The Black Adder", theres a few solid insults