So this girl comes to me for emotional support

[splashpot]

So I used to have this crush on a girl who lives in my dorm. This was about 2 years ago. I took my shot at her, but she ended up choosing some other guy. Eh...I got over it. I've been out of the country for the majority of this past year, so I haven't talked to her much at all until September when school started. Ever since school started, we've hung out a lot and we've become pretty close friends. However, I no longer have the slightest romantic interest in her anymore.

She was in a pretty seriuos relationship with that guy until a few weeks ago. Apparently it ended badly and she is an emotional wreck. From what I know about their situation (I don't know all the details and it isn't my place to ask about them), the guy was being kind of an [censored], she put up with it as long as she could, they finally broke up. I never liked the guy. I always thought he ignored her too much. Now that they're broken up, I get the feeling he's doing everything in his power to make her feel guilty and jealous.

Now my friend spends a lot of time in my room. She doesn't want me to know, but I can tell she cries a lot. She still wants to get back with the guy. She tries to talk to me about it, but I obviously don't think it's a good idea for her to keep trying with him. Not because I want her for myself (I don't), but because I don't think he treats her right. I can tell that she's putting 10 times more effort into the relationship than he is.

She called me today. I could tell that she was crying. She said she can't calm down. She said she's still working at their relationship because she wants to make sure she "doesn't have any regrets". I don't exactly know what that means, but it just looks like her serious inability to let go.

So what do I do? I want to help her out because she's my friend. She's still very much in love with him. Should I convince her to let go? How do I do it?

[EricW]

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However, I no longer have the slightest romantic interest in her anymore.



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liar.

lol come on man, you can't honestly say that you don't want to use the "comforting guy" card to somehow weasle your way into her pants.

[The Legend]

My new philosophy on life, more or less, is to let people, even my friends, make their own choices without me judging or pushing them to what I think is right. If she asks you for advice, specifically, then by all means let her know how you feel about the guy.

Strangely, I've discovered that listening and truly trying to understand people without judging or pushing my own beliefs at them gets them to want to understand my perspective more.

Thats my two cents, but do what you gotta do.

[splashpot]

Honestly. I really don't. To be honest, I hate it when she cries. I hate it because I have no [censored] clue what to do and it ruins the mood for me. I would have no problem encouraging her to go out with other guys, but I know it's too soon to suggest that. It would do more harm than good.

If I did have an interest in her again, the obvious solution would involve being the comforting sensitive shoulder to cry on, but I don't. I'm not a shoulder to cry on. I'm just this person that she goes to to cry to. I have no advice that would be able to help her. I've told her to let go, but she won't listen to me.

I know it sounds cruel, but she's damn annoying when she's like this. She's a good friend normally, but I can't take being around her when she's like this.

[splashpot]

Ok, so I think I've sort of figured out why this is bothering me so much. I've told her that she should just forget about him and that she was working too hard on the relationship when he was doing nothing. I told he that she need to let go. But she won't listen to me.

So basically she's coming to me, crying, asking for advice. I give her advice. She doesn't listen to me because it's not what she want's to hear. Then comes back crying. She is my friend, but I'm getting seriously annoyed.

[mosquito]

[ QUOTE ]
Ok, so I think I've sort of figured out why this is bothering me so much. I've told her that she should just forget about him and that she was working too hard on the relationship when he was doing nothing. I told he that she need to let go. But she won't listen to me.

So basically she's coming to me, crying, asking for advice. I give her advice. She doesn't listen to me because it's not what she want's to hear. Then comes back crying. She is my friend, but I'm getting seriously annoyed.

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So tell her, if she doesn't want your advice after asking for it, then she should leave you alone. And that you have no romantic interest in her. Although that may get her in bed with you, but that is another issue. She sounds like damaged goods.

[The Legend]

She seems to be asking for advice with words, but in reality she is seeking validation through you perhaps, and doesn't care about your advice. She is in an emotionally weak state and is attempting to, not meaning to sound to harsh, use you to replace that weak state.

I think you should somehow let her know that a friendship is supposed to mutually benefit both people involved, and at the moment this is not happening, and it is unacceptable.

Now, how to say that without driving her completely insane is difficult, but if she isn't able to accept that , shes probably not someone you want in your life anyway.

Lemme know what you think of my advice here...

You say that you've gotten over the fact that you're interested in her and all...

So why are you friends with her? While there are some exceptions, I find that "female friends" for males are really just guys waiting in the brush. No matter what you say, I bet you are attracted to this girl. If you were at one time, you probably still are. Otherwise, why waste your time trying to be Dr. Phil?

For me, I don't find that I have enough common interests with women to be just friends. Guys can be my friends; women I can date. There's just no point. Male and female brains are just so different...

[splashpot]

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So why are you friends with her? While there are some exceptions, I find that "female friends" for males are really just guys waiting in the brush.

[/ QUOTE ]
So you've never had a female friend? Why is that so hard to believe? I have dozens of female friends. I can't be romantically interested in all of them.

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No matter what you say, I bet you are attracted to this girl. If you were at one time, you probably still are. Otherwise, why waste your time trying to be Dr. Phil?

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If you don't believe me, there's nothing I can do about it. All I have to say is that if she wanted to be my girlfriend right now, I would say no. But that doesn't mean I don't care about her. If there is something I can do to make her feel better, I'll do it. It's the same as helping out one of my guy friends.

Just rent The Notebook, watch it together, and then in some hot-and-heavy part, put the moves on her

It will definitely work - chicks love that movie