A moral dilemma

Kirkrrr · #1 12-26-2005, 12:33 AM

I've run into an unpleasant dilemma lately:

My parents know how much money I make from poker, I have no secrets from them. A few months ago I gave my mother $3,000 so she can do some remodeling on the house. It was a "loan" but I seriously doubt I'll get the money back any time soon and I don't really care. Now, however, she's asking for another $1,200 for new furniture, and I just bought them a new, relatively expensive TV. So I absolutely HATE saying no because I know I can afford it - the sum won't make that huge of a difference to me - but I'm starting to get troubled by this. Know what I mean? I feel bad saying "no," but I don't like the trend.

So I figured quite a few posters on here have been through this already, and can share their thoughts. How did you handle it? How would you?

Kirk

cdxx · #2 12-26-2005, 12:40 AM

give them the money. what you gave them is so far is nothing. and one request is nothing to freak out about. this is coming from a guy who basically forced his parents to take $12k so they can make their mortgage payments.

Kirkrrr · #3 12-26-2005, 01:27 AM

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this is coming from a guy who basically forced his parents to take $12k so they can make their mortgage payments.

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The crux of the problem is that it's not for mortgage payments. If it was for something like that, I would never have a second thought. It's all for "luxuries," as another poster put it, to which there is no end.

But, yeah, sounds like a talk is definitely in order. While sitting down on some brand new furniture. lol

I am also wondering how some of y'all have handled this with your family/loved ones in the past - girlfriends, wives, parents, friends, etc. How do you make 100K+ /year, and still say no when someone close to you asks for $100 that you know you probably won't get back? - I find it very difficult to do.

Kirk

Clarkmeister · #4 12-26-2005, 01:39 AM

Do your parents live together still? Do you live with them? What's their employment/income situation? How responsible are they? All of these are relevant factors that determine the tone of your discussion.

That said, based on the limited info available, I'd start with "Mom, I'll give you the $1,200 this time, and you don't have to pay me back for either it or any of the other money you've borrowed, but I can't afford to be constantly put in these situations. I love you, but it's not fair to me, or to you either, really.

AlexSem · #5 12-26-2005, 01:50 AM

My parents have the decency to respect that I make w/e I make and spend it as I like, they never asked me for money.

I pay for my bro when we go shopping and stuff like that and it just doesn't matter to me because to him 200$ is a big deal whereas to me it's an hour worth of poker.

I say just make sure you give people money on your own terms, not on theirs. It should not be "hey I need money". It should be "here I'll take care of that don't worry about it".

That way you're always in control.

In your situation, you can't avoid paying, lol. How to get to a stage where it's on your terms again, I am not sure.

I guess you gotta tell them you feel a bit uncomfortable with the situation or whatever.

cdxx · #6 12-26-2005, 01:48 AM

[ QUOTE ]
The crux of the problem is that it's not for mortgage payments. If it was for something like that, I would never have a second thought. It's all for "luxuries," as another poster put it, to which there is no end.

[/ QUOTE ]

understandably, but $1200 is not $12k either. sure, have a talk. it won't hurt, unless one of you starts being rude. i just advise that your tone will be more like "here's the money, but please don't use it on luxuries. use it when you really need it, because i can't support you and this won't be a monthly thing."

of course, i would only bring it up IF and WHEN it actually becomes a monthly thing.

Clarkmeister · #7 12-26-2005, 01:20 PM

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i would only bring it up IF and WHEN it actually becomes a monthly thing.

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Sounds like it already has.

fluxrad · #8 12-26-2005, 12:41 AM

Yeah. She went through like 50 bajillion hours of labor to drop your ass out from between her legs. You should probably fork it over.

Reef · #9 12-26-2005, 12:49 AM

I really don't know what kind of relationship you've had with your parents in the past .. but if my mom asked, I'd hand it over with no reserve.

pyroponic · #10 12-26-2005, 12:58 AM

Hrm..money for remodeling the house, a nice TV, and now furniture? Sounds like these are luxuries, I think you only "owe" them the money if it was for an emergency or something.