Dating and rejection

[oreogod]

The only way that story could be true is if u hated that bitch to such an insane extent.

Dunno...I bailed out on a girl once that was hot, but I hated personality wise...but most of the time it ends up going the other way, were I do end up staying the night. I have to say, the most of the time still feels alot better than the one time.

[SammyKid11]

This will be my last post defending the veracity of my story. Yeah, I couldn't stand this woman. She was indicative of everything I DIDN'T like about women, for one thing. For another, after talking with her online/on the phone for almost a month (and seeing my very recent and accurate pics)...she then (after I bought her dinner) went into her whole "no chemistry, no spark" routine. This really pissed me off.

Along the same time-period (this was several years ago), I was talking with a smoking-hot girl I actually adored (she's now my gf - has been for almost 5 years). But at the time, she had a bf - so even though we were talking on the phone, etc, I was still dating (mainly to make her jealous and keep me from feeling like a groveller over her). So I'm sure the fact that I had real feelings for someone else at the time had something to do with my rejection of Miss Bikini Contest/Sleazy Car show model (who was also a stripper, another trait I don't find particularly attractive overall).

In the end...yeah, I turned down sex with a hot girl. But at the same time...I've played in regionally-successful rock bands my entire life. I've never had any problems getting laid with hot girls. So turning one down (who still by far wasn't going to be the "conquest of my life" or anything) who I didn't like, who treated me like crap earlier in the night, all the while when I liked someone else...didn't seem like that big a deal. I still maintain it was no kind of mistake -- I DID get what I wanted...the reassurance that I was still the man in my little pond, and I got to crack the armor of some bitchy girl who'd probably never been turned down in her life.

Anyway, I'm out on the subject -- just thought the story was relevant. You guys can believe whatever you want.

[ QUOTE ]
She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."


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Back then hoes didn't want me, now I'm hot hoes all on me

I feel your pain bro, get hot, it helps.

[PITTM]

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Your mistake was asking her how she felt about the pre-date. It seemed like it was obvious to you how she was feeling. Your insecure questioning and need for 100% confirmation turned her off.

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this is seriously like 70% of guys problems with getting girls. they act like tards, the girl picks up on it. girl leaves. dont ask for confirmation of how someone is feeling. use your reads!

rj

[jaydub]

In 2+2 style, I will critique your line.

[ QUOTE ]
She explains to me how she views a first meeting as a "pre-date" and doesn't like to expect anything romantic.
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She wants the first date to be platonic and then go from there.


[/ QUOTE ]

Tease her here. Say something joking like "Non platonic? You wish" or "Ewww you might cooties". The key is to tease her in a funny way about wanting to hook up with you.

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So we meet up last night at a low-key bar to grab a light dinner (we're both coming from work) and drinks.


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Dinner bad, drinks good. Next time say you have dinner plans but can meet her after. This was a weeknight right? Fri / Sat is for girls you are already sleeping with.

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We start joking around and busting each others balls right from the start. She's laughing and having a great time. Lots of eye contact. Sweet.


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Good.

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So I'm feeling rather bold and decide to see how she's feeling about the pre-date.


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Disaster. Don't ask how she feels this early. Ever. If feeling bold, test her willingness for a kiss, eg brush her hair away from her face and gauge reaction.

[ QUOTE ]

She says, "Can I be honest? I really want to keep hanging out as buds, but there's no spark for me."


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Probably should eject but if you feel like continuing, the best way to recover (unlikely) is to say something like "I know, you remind me of my little sister. We could never hook up".

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I'm pissed and get very quiet. She can tell that I'm upset.


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Worst reaction possible.

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The bill comes and I pay (I had said before that I'd wanted to do this). She says that she wants to hang out some more and talk and that she'll pay for a couple of rounds, but only if I'm comfortable.


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Great, maybe she'll pity you enough to sleep with you. That could happen... Seriously you shoulda been so out the door.

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I acquiesce and we start talking about relationships, dating, that sort of thing.


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Never do this so early. Nothing good comes from it.

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It's less awkward than right after she said what she said to me, but there's a different dynamic than when the night began.


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Of course.

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I feel like I'm in a poker game where everyone's folding everytime I get a big hand. It's like I have some "tell" that's obvious to everyone else, but that escapes me completely.


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Yes you come off as needy. Stop doing that. Oh and go eff ten other women. Then come back and read your post.

[ShawnHoo]

Guys,

Thanks for collectively kicking my ass.

I definitely came across as way too needy. I needed to be bold, decisive, and assertive; instead I was weak-tight.

Not too long after that date, I was contacted by another girl from match. She didn't have a pic on her profile, but I figured "What the hell? Perhaps I can use this as a chance to start being more assertive with women and if we end up hitting it off, all the better."

We ended up exchanging hundreds of short emails over the course of a couple of weeks. There was a lot of teasing and ball-busting back and forth. She's a lawyer, so she's more mature than most women I've dated, and we have a lot in common. I never pushed for a date until I knew that I wanted one, and by that point I knew she was ready too.

So we meet up at a local bar and she's a total hottie. Easily one of the two best-looking women I've dated in my life. She shows up 30 minutes late (she had called ahead to let me know she was at a company function that was running late) and I get in a couple of jabs about it. I felt very much in control the entire night and had the mindset of "how can she show me that she's interested" instead of the other way around.

I end up going in for a kiss about an hour in and get warmly received. Three beers and several more kisses later, she drops me off at my place (I live right around the corner and she had driven there). I check my email later that night and she's written me 15 minutes after dropping me off saying what a great time she had.

We've been out a bunch since then. The conversations have been great; the chemistry/sex has been mind-blowing. The kicker? She's told me on several occasions how she was super-attracted to how confident I was on our first date.

We'll see what comes of this, but thanks to you guys for helping to put my head back on straight.

[arod15]

Clearly define the line. Your probably being way to nice man. Your not trying to be her friend your trying to get some. So put your arm around her, hold her hand, pull her seat. Flirt make it clear you want action. If she doesnt give it to you, find a new girl who will. DOnt ever be a friend thats stupid.

[mason55]

OOT is never wrong

[mason55]

dude, read the latest post....

[arod15]

Good to here now email that other chick tell her she miss out and your too good for her.....