What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[tyler_cracker]

I'm sort of late to this thread, but:

1. Playing live, a rock check-raised the turn when the board paired. Four players called him, and he got confused and revealed his hand, showing 44 for a flopped set and turned boat. He covered his hand back up, and the dealer dealt the river. The guy UTG indicated he hadn't seen the hand (though everyone else had), so the dealer told him, "he had a pair of fours".

"Oh," UTG replied. "I check."

2. In last night's home game, the hostess said, "He needs to be raped by a big sandy fist. Oh, is it on me?"

[KenProspero]

I loved the logic of this

'Oh, you haven't played a hand in a while, so I guess I'll give you some action'.

[baronzeus]

Guy looks down at a 15BB pot and Qc8c on a Jc8h5c2d board. It's 2 bets to him. He thinks for a while and folds. After the hand is over, he says, "fishing for that last club wasn't worth $24 (which is 2BB). I would have been a bad player if I had called."

[TimM]

Foxwoods 10/20. Last to act guy facing three bets on the turn in a gigantic 6-way pot says "You couldn't get me out of this pot with dynamite."

I always think of this line when I see one of these Party donks who never fold a hand that has the slightest chance, no matter how many bets it is to continue.

[jcmack13]

[ QUOTE ]
$3-6 B&M, guy to my right is hammered and laughing, slapping me on the back, having a great time. (The whole table is having fun, because he's throwing off a lot of chips.)

Then the guy, out of the blue, says, "I once had sex with one of my nieces," and takes a swig of his beer. All activity (and I mean ALL activity) at the table stops. The players exchange very awkward looks.

Then the guy finishes his sentence -- "bridesmaids."

Much relief around the table. I was laughing so hard I cried.

-- Mike

[/ QUOTE ]

I read this whole. Damn. Thread. And this one is easily the funniest, by FAR. I've started telling this story myself.

Before there are seventeen more posts of, "OMFG this dude cracked my aces with 27o and said, 'I always play this hand lmfaolololol!!!1!!11!'" and this thread gets locked, someone needed to chime in and recognize one of the only things on this thread that's actually funny.

[sfer]

Middle-aged Asian woman: I was playing the day shift at the Bellagio...

Clarkmeister: You know they're serious when they call it the day shift.

[Ryan11]

today in back to back hands I had 9c9s, the first hand I made a boat the 2nd hand just flopped a set, both times raking massive pots. Then one guy at the table goes "who the hell are you? Fcuking Wayne Gretzky"

[Angrymoog]

I was sitting at an adjacent table to these two college-aged looking guys and overheard them talking. One guy had on some oakleys and a baseball cap a la moneymaker, and was giving his friend some important poker pointers.

Then, the guy goes on to quote nearly word for word, the dialogue from the scene in Rounders where Matt Damon is talking to the professor about his 7 stud strategy. I dont know the line perfectly but here was the gist: \"You wanna play tight, but aggressive. You gotta think of it as a war. Play 9\'s or better wired, jacks or better split\"

Im glad I wasnt drinking at the time, because I woulda spit across the table trying not to laugh. We were playing Hold\'em.

[TheCroShow]

[ QUOTE ]
It's a good thread, but it's time to lock it. Folks can always link to it if they want to get a few chuckles.

I have no Superpowers in this forum, so I can't do it. Other mods?

[/ QUOTE ]

plz plz plz lock this thread

[CaptSensible]

I was at Balllys in Vegas at a 3-6 table. I had AK. I bet or raise at every opportunity. K is high card on the flop. She ends up with 2 pair J 3 caught on the river. In a very polite way I tell her I'm just honestly curious as to why she called my raise preflop with J 3. She answers with an incredulous tone "Well, I HAD a Jack".