I can't take this life anymore

I just saw this thread right now, and read your posts and all the very caring posts that followed. I'm very happy to hear that you aren't seriously thinking about anything drastic. I don't know you personally, but in a way, because of what you've revealed about yourself, I do. And I really do care about you and your well-being. It appears that I'm not alone.

Here's something to consider about the nature of friends. They are not just people who live nearby and throw frisbees, or eat next to you on school playgrounds. Friends can also be people on a poker forum website who shoot the s#*$ with you about poker, politics, philosophy, and life. You can tell they are your friends because when you mention a problem you are having, they rally their time and energy to try to help you. If those aren't friends, I don't what "friends" really are.

I hope that you now heed the great advice that has been coming from your caring friends here. Feeling depressed IS just like finding a lump in your left testicle. Right now TODAY, when you aren't yet making your way down that wrong path, is when you should look for a good doctor who can "check your balls" so to speak. Take it from one your friends. Ok? Thanks. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

GET HELP NOW!

I don't usually shout, but it is increadibly important that you get the message and I don't want any confusion about what I am saying.

GET HELP NOW!

If this were a week or two or maybe three a vaction would be a good answer. But this is long-term and persistant. A combination of medication and competent psychotherapy will do wonders for your life. If you don't get help you will remain miserable. And what is the point of living your life like that when you don't have to?

NOT GETTING HELP IS REALLY, REALLY STUPID!

With competent psychotherapy most people can eventually be free of medication....especially if your depression is situationally based.

GET HELP NOW!

[RJT]

LuckyintheFuture,

I apologize if my posts sounded unnecessarily urgent. I am sure you can understand my need to be so hurried.

Now that there seems to be more time to discuss things, let’s do that. If you want to. A few things I wanted to ask.

Well, first -this is just curiosity. Are you from outside the U.S. or is English your second language? The reason I ask is that you said “making the suicide”. Most people use the term “committing suicide”. I spent a little time in Italy. I studied the language and studied there for a while. In Italian one would use the verb “fare” which means “to make” in that context. Just was wondering. Perhaps you are Italian or Italian heritage like myself.

Brenner Hayes made two good points. 1) About friends and 2) about see a professional while you still feel half way decent. Do not wait until you get too down to seek help or simply someone to talk to. I think most of the time just talking about things helps. I also think that is basically what goes on in shrinks offices anyway. Sometimes meds are needed, but not always. So, this point is very important. Heed Brenner’s advice. He makes some good posts over at SMP forum, so therefore he is probably right in this instance too. So, I would listen to what he said. And I agree with him so there you go - and I am not wrong that often - LOL.

The other thing is about friends. He is right there too. I was already going to suggest to you some things to do to get yourself motivated. Don’t think about the “normal” ways people meet friends - Bars, school, etc.
You would be surprised how many people I have met in unusual places. Like at an art museum or a lecture or volunteering somewhere. Besides, no one is “normal” anyway and there are no “normal” types of lives. We all have problems. It just seems like everyone else has their act together.

Take walks in the park. It is good to get outside and breath the air. And you aren’t alone doing it. There are always folk walking around. You will get some exercise and feel not so alone as you do. Never know when you might happen to start up a chat with someone either.

Getting back to volunteering. I happen to be lying in bed one night about 15 years ago. For some reason I wondered if my parish had a computer. If they had their membership on one and for recording contributions. Well, they did not. So I started out there getting them up to speed. From there the priest asked me to help with some accounting. Before, I knew it I was entrenched. I have been there since. Sometime it takes up more of my time that I would like. Most of the time, though, I am glad to help. It makes me feel like I am accomplishing something with my time. My work and advice is appreciated too.

The thing to remember is you have time, talents and treasure. You have the time to help others. You definitely are no dummy, so you have talents. Treasure - well your money - that is not so important. If you can afford, one donates. The other two are the kinds of help that non-profit organizations need in addition to money. I have never been involved in a non-profit that didn’t need volunteers. Folk in charge always appreciate the guy who comes to them and offers to help. Believe me, it does not happen that often, Your time and talents would be appreciated somewhere. And you will benefit from giving that help.

I have a few other thoughts I want to pass along to you. But, I have to do some errands now and will post later.

Best regards,

RJT

[Cyrus]

First of all, kudos for wtiting it all up, man, shows you got guts, no matter how you are feeling these days - which is more like the opposite of gutsy, I guess.

About the poker winning/computer obsession thing: You have made the diagnosis, youself! You need to get away from the damn thing. It's ruining you. Fuck the money and the poker! Simply click it off and plan your days as if the damn thing is broken for the week. link

The social stuff is not that tough. Trust me, both girls and boys your age are agonizing about exactly the same shit. Your worries about virginity and sex-as-competitive-sport and whether girls like you or not is much less important and much less real than you are imagining.

Seeing as your parents are not in a position to be there for you, get it on with people your age, in the places you go to, even if it's only the schoolyard for now. There are a lot of things you can do, if only you'd get your mind straight and cool. (Get your math teacher interested in Advantage Poker, for example.)

I just wanna say thanks for everyone taking time to answer in this thread, aswell as those many people who have sent pm and offered help. It's just too much [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]
I quess the best way to thank is try these advices, and bumb this thread after a while - when my situation is better.
Again thanks everyone.

Hey LyckyInPast, I haven't read all the replies, so I might say something someone else has already said. I went to that guy yesterday, who treats phobia's and fears, shyness and that kind of thing.

I have some good advice to you - some tools to start working with. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Imagine having a wife, you are happily married and you live together, etc. Then one day she comes home, and starts calling you names, yelling at you, telling you what an idiot she thinks you are. Then she stops and acts normal again. When you ask why she does it, she tells you she just can't stand you. She woke up that morning and realized she thinks you're an a-hole. The next day she comes home and she does the same thing. She yells at you and tells you how she can't stand you. Then after 2 minutes, she starts acting normally again. She keeps doing this every day.

How long would you take it from her? You would probably dump her within 3-5 days, maybe if you are very very nice, you break up after a week but you wouldn't take it any longer.

But in our heads, we do this all the time! We constantly judge and critique ourself in our heads and we think negatively about ourself very often. And we don't even think that's wrong...
Be Nice To Yourself! Let's assume you have 6000 conscious (is that how you write that?) thoughts a day (the talking in your head kind of thoughts). How many of those thoughts are negative towards yourself? How often do you judge and critique yourself? I bet it's a very big percentage of your thoughts.


You should change that. You are the most important person in your life (because you ARE you.. duh). You will live with yourself for the rest of your life. So you should only think positive thoughts about yourself, and no longer allow negative thoughts. You should be your friend, not your enemy. We should somehow learn to love ourself unconditionally, but all you have to think of is this: Don't allow negative thoughts, only positive ones.

You should also start asking yourselves different questions. It is normal for many people to say to themselves when they did something wrong: 'Why can't I EVER do anything right?' or 'Why am I such an idiot?'. You now tell yourself that A) you are an idiot and B) to find a reason for the fact that you are an idiot. This is a very wrong question!

Let's say you really screw something up. You could think something like: 'Why am I so stupid? Why do I always screw everything up?' or you could accept that you made a mistake and ask yourself 'How can I do this better in the future?' That makes a big difference.

Be your own best friend... [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img] If you would do that, you would really feel better. I could say more, but this is enough for now, me thinks. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

GO HELP SOMEONE ELSE!!

Yep, that's the answer. Seriously. Well, that and and then also going to a counselor/psychologist/psychiatrist to see about working through your own problems. Medicine will probably help a lot too.

But, the real answer is:

GO HELP SOMEONE ELSE!!

This will do a number of things:

1) Give you first hand experience with someone who has it worse off than you.
2) Let you stop thinking about your own problems for a little while.
3) Hopefully make a friend or two in the process.
4) Make you feel that your life is valuable. It's a sense of accomplishment. Helping others makes people feel better.

Hopefully other people can help point you in directions of where to go to help people. I'd suggest "soup kitchen" and homeless shelters. You can call a counselor or a church to see if they have a list of places where you can help troubled teens, for instance.

When life gives you lemons, just squeeze the hell out of those lemons, and find someone to share the lemonade with.

[RJT]

Lucky,

I have to tell you that your post accomplish a near miracle. Kip and other atheists along with some of us who believe in God have been having an ongoing discussion about Religion for some months now. (This is in the Science, Math, Philosophy Forum.) The two camps rarely agree on anything.

You just got Kip and me to agree on something. He suggested what I had already suggested to you. Volunteering at a charitable organization or non-profit.

You also just proved, by uniting the un-unite-able (not quite a word), most of our points here. That your life is not worthless.

Anyway, I won’t bug you anymore about posting to us. But, I will ask this. Will you keep all of us posted on how you are doing? As you have found out, we do care.

RJT

p.s. This might be the only thing that Kip has said that makes any sense. But, I won’t carry our debate into your thread. I’ll kick his butt in the SMP Forum.

[lehighguy]

I considered suicide when I was 17. Had a knife in my hand and was close to slitting my wrists. Life got better. In fact, I'd say the years between then and now were the best years of my life.

I'm just moved to NYC and don't have any new friends left. It's boring, but I know it can't be that way forever.

If you want to meet new people, you have to go out and do it. The easiest way is I know of are:

Join a club of people with similair interests. Try the newspaper or www.meetup.com

Get into college and live in a dormitory

Get a real job and make friends at work

Volunteer

[ZeeJustin]

I used to be suicidical myself, and although I never made an attempt, I wasn't far off. Now my life is wonderful, and I am so fortunate that I didn't decide to kill myself.

You have tons of options. Drugs may be the easiest way "out". See a psychologist. I know it does wonders for some people just to get these things off their chest, and the prescription he gives you won't hurt either. It won't cure anything right away, but give it some time.

At the same time, you probably do need to change something about your life. I don't know much about you, so I can't say what. Figure out how you can get what's missing. It almost certainly won't be easy, but it will certainly be worth the effort even if there are many failed attempts involved in the process.

Things can only get better. If you give up everything and end your life, there's no turning back. You're done. All those great moments you will have later on in your life will be thrown away.
-Best of luck
-Justin Bonomo