Teen having mid-life crisis.

[xniNja]

Hey einbert, I just find it semi-amusing you come out with well-thought, well written and intelligent posts here... I dunno what you were thinking on that guy's religious views post. You getting enough sleep? haha.

[m1illion]

[ QUOTE ]
Well, I've been meaning to post this for awhile, but finally got around to it. Please note the time...it's 6am. Today I woke up at 5pm....

Anyways, I've noticed that I no longer feel motivated to do...well anything. Let me give you my background. I'm a senior in HS, have already earned a computer network certification (equivalent of a 2 yr associates degree). I could probably get a job right now in the technical field. I currently 6 table the 20-2's and am doing very well. I also play a few mtt's a week and recently made 2k in one night. Basically...after winning, I noticed that I honestly don't care that much. I'm getting a $1,300 check next week, and instead of having fun with it (like almost anyone else my age) I'm doing my lil accounting spiel. Everynight for the past month that I've played online I'm up at least $100, which is signficant money for most people my age. All this money is desensitizing me it seems like.

I've played poker since I was 16, and from it have lived a "lucrative teenage lifestyle", buying a laptop, PC, iPod, razr cell phone, expensive headphones, and in a month I plan on buying a convertible (hopefully).

Through all of this however I've noticed that I don't care about my future at all. It may sound cocky, but I think it's more confidence, but I'm pretty sure that no matter what I pursue I'll succeed at. Not too many people at my age have a computer certification. I've always been very competitve and generally see that what I want, I almost always get....but how come lately I have no desire to achieve anything. Who cares about the future...I'll get an amazing job, and make more money than God. But honestly, money isn't everything. It certainly cannot buy happiness.

My sleep/eating habits have also become very warped. I eat maybe a meal everyday (very little). I'm always hungry, but when I eat I feel sick and stop...still hungry when I stop..it's very weird.My sleep schedule is 12hours off from the average american. I'm waking up when the 9-5er's are gettin home.

I also recently had my right leg amputated (below knee) which I'm sure can't help my frame of mind. Actually, I was taken out of school during the last part of my Jr. year because I was "suicidally depressed"...I dunno, on paper it seems like my life should be extremely happy, but I'm honestly very unfulfilled. Is this all there is? Making money, eating nice food every night, and staying out late?.....please tell me there's more.

I'm sorry in advance for the rambling, but this seems pretty bad. Lacking desire to achieve in the future can pretty much say lacking the desire to live. Which certainly isn't +EV. My parents want me to see a doctor, but I honestly feel like I can overcome anything myself.....I just lack desire to.

[/ QUOTE ]


"but I'm honestly very unfulfilled. Is this all there is?"

This particular thought is, I believe, the key. IMO you don't need a psycologist or therapist or any other crap like that. Not yet anyway.
Volunteer to be a Big Brother. Go read to kids at a Burn Center or Cancer Ward. Help out at a soup kitchen. Deliver meals to the home bound. If that doesn't shake you loose then maybe professional help is called for.
If you're not interested in trying those thing then you're just feeling sorry for yourself and wasting other peoples time.

[dibbs]

There's way more to life than money and theres way more to life than poker, just find happiness and you should be good.

At least you realize the road you may be treading down, hundreds of other kids in the same spot as you dont and that helps a lot I think, good luck.