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#41
10-14-2005, 03:13 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
looks like you handled this well. Now on to the more pressing question:
[ QUOTE ] My Sister is the evil money whore [/ QUOTE ] Is she hot? 
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#42
10-14-2005, 07:19 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ] dude, you are getting seriously hosed. try this: sometimes the best thing for a person you love isn't what they'd prefer. you love your mom, right? [/ QUOTE ] I agree. But BigSteve, you have to move out. It's not healthy for any adult to live with their mother. And I'm not just talking about the no sex issue. [/ QUOTE ] I agree with that too. You don't want to start slowly turning into your mother. Or Norman Bates. Or just resenting her. Me, I know I'd resent her if I were paying the bills and couldn't bring anyone home. Even if I didn't admit it to myself. That can't help; it would just be brewing up poison. It's not healthy to live with the strictures of childhood if you're forced to assume the responsibilities of an adult. Being infantilized is bad mojo.
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#43
10-14-2005, 07:25 PM
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Re: UPDATE...I talked with my mother this morning!
[ QUOTE ]
Steve, I have a lot of respect for how you handled this (and I dont mean by posting on OOT). You were able to balance your commitment and love for you mom with the necessity of having to build more of a life for yourself. It seems like in the end you were able to handle it with a great deal of aplomb and dignity. Kudos to you. I hope that if I am ever in a similar situation that I will be able to handle it as well you have. Good luck. [/ QUOTE ] I agree. Parents are very tough to handle. Just had a visit with one of mine, and it was rough going. Grats Steve on working out what seems to be a sensible and not at all harsh plan. The repayment rate seems very forgiving and not at all rushed. Your mom was lucky to have you do so much for you, and you seem to winding up the whole deal in a way that's good for both of you. I'd be very happy if I could handle something like that as well as you did.
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#44
10-14-2005, 07:26 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
[ QUOTE ]
and if there is any equity in this house when she dies the house is to be sold and the profit split 3 ways between me, my brother, and my sister. [/ QUOTE ] You need to talk to your brother and sister regarding the situation!
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#45
10-14-2005, 07:42 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
[ QUOTE ]
looks like you handled this well. Now on to the more pressing question: [ QUOTE ] My Sister is the evil money whore [/ QUOTE ] Is she hot? [/ QUOTE ] If a 420lb version of me in drag is hot, then SIIHP. Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]
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#46
10-14-2005, 08:27 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
What would be best for your mom? For her to spend the rest of her years dwelling in memories, or for her to move on and find some other purpose? I'm obviously biased towards the latter here. It sounds like she's reluctant to let go of her grief.
I think moving out is a blunt way of asking her to let go. I'd suggest something else. The fact that you're supporting her yet she's putting major restrictions on your private life would be a show-stopper for me. Bring the issue up; talk about it. There's gonna be yelling and screaming, but keep your eye on where you're going: to get her to move on. It'll help you, it'll help her. Codependence is not good for her.
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#47
10-14-2005, 08:33 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
[ QUOTE ]
Since u said the house is suppose to be split 3 ways when ur mom dies i think it ends up being a pretty easy call then. I dont know ur brother or sister but im about 90% sure they will turn into back stabers when it comes down to it and the money will seem very nice. So i would have to move out or force your mom to put the house in ur name or get ur bro and sis to contribute. Im only saying this about when ur mom dies from experice. I have seen this happen alot and it can really screw families up. Money really is the rude of all evil. [/ QUOTE ] Yet it sounds like there's no equity there anyway. If Steve got 100% of the house, then he'd still be in debt because of the mortgage. Taking 0% right now gives the largest return. Financially the best option is to sell the house, stick her with the debt (with the intent that that would force the siblings to chip in), and have her move somewhere cheap (like, with a sibling).
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#48
10-14-2005, 08:35 PM
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Re: UPDATE...I talked with my mother this morning!
[ QUOTE ]
I told her that I will alway love her, but I put my life on hold for you for 5 years and now is the time that we both need to pick up the pieces and move on. [/ QUOTE ] Great play.
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#50
10-14-2005, 09:03 PM
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Re: Should I force my Mom\'s Hand????
[ QUOTE ]
she is a perfect candidate for a reverse mortgage. [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] She refinanced with one of those 125% equity loans. She actually owes more that it is worth. [/ QUOTE ] [ QUOTE ] If you have any debt against your home, you must either pay it off before getting a reverse mortgage or - this is what most borrowers do - use an immediate cash advance from the reverse mortgage to pay it off. If you don't pay off the debt beforehand, or do not qualify for a large enough immediate cash advance to do so, you cannot get a reverse mortgage. [/ QUOTE ] link
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