My GF's psycho-ex (long and bad and dramatic....stressful situation)

[bernie]

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Back to the divorce-delay thing....her complete lack of confrontationalness is mostly to blame. She just hates any and all confrontation and avoids it...thus her 'wait until he's okay with it' strategy

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She sounds like a very strong woman.

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I've had a couple of semi-psycho girls before somewhere around college and post-college and recognized the problem signs.

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They had husbands or ex boyfriends doing this type of stuff to them also? Usually it only takes once to learn this lesson.

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I agree she has issues.
So do I.
So does everyone.

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Look out for yourself first. Her, his and your issues are not the same.

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Is it possible she's been sleeping with him on the side?
Sure...it's possible. But I still am giving her the benefit of the doubt currently.
I don't keep a 24-hour watch on her so how the hell do I really know?

She calls after a 14-hour shift at work and says she's too tired to swing by and get a drink. She's a nurse at a hospital...so it could also mean that she watched some patient die whom she had been looking after for a couple of weeks. Kind of stressful obviously.
Is she lying to me about heading home and going to bed and instead going over to his place and f'cking his brains out?
Is she lying to me about having dinner with her brother?


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I purposely left out this factor because it doesn't make a difference given all the other stuff presented. This would be the least of my worries at this point. It might be the topper, but not the meat of the situation. This only would make it easier to leave is all.

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She's kind of excited (in-between her shut-out-the-world method of dealing with stress) to go get the papers now and get that going. And she was saying that before he called me (while she was telling me about his visit last night).


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I got this phone call also. I was on vacation at a lake when I got the call. In fact, they were in the process of filling in the paperwork at her dinner table when I talked to her.

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which really isn't THAT horrible a situation in that he hasn't physically threatened me or anything. Just a couple of annoying drunken calls.


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Sorry, but there's alot more going on here in this situation as a whole than just a couple annoying drunken calls. Hopefully this is just the alcohol causing you to downplay this situation in this fashion. This is not something to be taken lightly.

Good luck.

b

[bernie]

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I haven't read any responses partly because I don't want to be influenced by them. If I was you, I'd end it with this crazy GF of yours.

This chick likes drama obviously. She knows what she is doing. She is one messed up girl, man. You need to come to grips with this. She obviously doesn't mind having her husband still in her life or he wouldn't still have a key that worked to her apartment and he wouldn't still have her phone number. If I was you, I'd pissed because you are getting [censored] on left and right.

End it with her, as soon as possible and the chick really doesn't even deserve a phone call ending it. Just end it and never talk to her again. Go find a normal girl. Do it man. You don't know what people are capable of. This guy may just lose it. Also, change your phone number and if you can move to another apartment, I would do that , too. This is scarey situation that is nearly at boiling point.

The chick likes drama that is for sure or she wouldn't have all this [censored] in her life. You are totally letting her off the hook as she was some innocent victim. She isn't. Later.

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I agree.

Feel free to peruse the OP and my conversation above.

b

[bernie]

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so if i gave you a call and said that I had been sleeping with your GF you would just end it with her?

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That's not the only issue here. That's the least of your problems.

b

[theredpill5]

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so if i gave you a call and said that I had been sleeping with your GF you would just end it with her?

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You are in such denial, man. I know why though. You really like this girl. You are starting to talking about cops getting involved. This guys is stalking both of you and taking pictures. Dude, if I were you, I would moving to another apartment on the other side of the city by next week at the latest and not telling this stupid bitch where I was going. I'm not joking. The guy who said that you don't deserve all this was right, but if you continue involved in this [censored], then yeah you deserve whatever you get. You may get lucky and nothing happens or......

She isn't worth it. Just go find someone else. The guy who said just cut all ties and move away was right. Listen to him.

[MicroBob]

yes...this sounds more like this guy.

except she was more secretive about telling him she was seeing somebody because she just didn't want to hurt him.
also partly because she stopped talking to him for the most part anyway.

that eventually pushed him to the point of calling me since he found out at some point.
But she just didn't want to deal with the drama of him freaking about her seeing somebody so she didn't tell him.

And when she did she admitted to it when she thought he was cool.

But he had been a non-issue to me....and was pretty much out of her mind too.
Then he shows up suddenly and she has to deal with it again...and then she doesn't hear from him for another couple of months.
So it's a REAL on-again, off-again situation that comes up from time to time but seems to be a bit worse now.

She is REALLY REALLY freaked that he has pics of us out and about.
She was telling a long-time co-worker/friend about what happened to her when he went to her place and they couldn't believe he was behaving THAT badly.
Obviously they don't even know the update that he called me too.

She has no kids and neither do I so that is obviously helpful.
We had talked on several occasions on having 1 or 2 at some point.

Anyway, there's just her brother....and her rather wacky Mom who is a bit of an issue as well (we have debates as to which of our mom's is most nuts...I have determined it is a tie).




Anyway....thanks for reassuring me that it's not exactly entirely HER fault that this guy is just wacky.

Glad to hear that your relationship has worked out well.



Again - to all those who think I need to run-away FAST. I understand where you're coming from.
But please don't confuse HIS psycho-ness with HER.


Yes, she has issues....so do I.
The fact that her ex tried to freak me out tonight shouldn't be the deciding factor here.


I'll continue to think about things though.

But right now she's as upset as I am...probably worse.
These things do NOT happen often and she is hardly an attention-whore.
If anything...I'm the super-attention whore (please note my posting frequency as well as non-stop talking in-person. voted Most Talkative in my H.S. class and it hasn't stopped in the years since....I definitely have some weird issues).


Anyway, I don't think it's too silly to want to give her a bit of support.
But again, we'll see what happens and I'll continue to think about things.

[bernie]

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thanks for reassuring me that it's not exactly entirely HER fault that this guy is just wacky.

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It is her fault for waiting 2 years while you were dating to finally try for the divorce. Her excuse for waiting is lame. The excuse alone is a big red flag.

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Yes, she has issues....so do I.
The fact that her ex tried to freak me out tonight shouldn't be the deciding factor here.


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How about all the other crap. How much stuff do you need?

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I understand where you're coming from.
But please don't confuse HIS psycho-ness with HER.


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I don't think you really do understand it. You're responses would be much different if you did. You're responding, textbook, the way everyone responds during their first time in this type of situation when they are in that deep. You're not even seeing everything that is at work here.

b

[theredpill5]

I agree with Bernie , completely. This chick is completely playing you. She is F'd up , man. You think it is a coincidence that this guy has a key to her apartment ? You think it is a coincidence that this guy has her phone number and your phone number ? Yeah, she's being really nice to you letting you get involved in this [censored]. Misery loves company. She probably gave this guy your phone number. How do you feel about that ? At the very least, she gave him your real name. If she really cared about you, she would not have done any of this.

I want you to repeat this, "she is a stupid bitch". Just repeat that over and over then move and get a new apartment and don't tell her where you went.

[DavidC]

You know, it's not a good idea to get drunk when crap like this happens. You might embarass yourself in front of your gf or be unco-ordinated / dimwitted if you find yourself in a confrontation with the ex.

I'll quote something from you:

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Anyway...the fact that he knew about the cruise surprised her because that wasn't one of the things he mentioned before.

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and:

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Night before the cruise she was in his bed 'f'cking' him all night long and then she left with me.

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These two quotes are not consistent with eachother.

The guy's psycho, needs help, and is trying to [censored] you over; ignore what he says.

However, change the locks on the gf's house, get the divorce finalized, and I'd say that it's worth while to get a restraining order / file criminal charges, etc. You should have done this a while ago.

--Dave.

[bernie]

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This chick is completely playing you.

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I can give the chick the benefit of the doubt that she isn't maliciously, conciously intending to play the OP. She's likely just as lost in the situation as the OP.

Fact is, it's not the OPs problem to sort out. It's hers. It's her baggage. It's a very unhealthy situation to be in. That's among the other red flags that are showing up as a result of the situation that could come back up later on in life even if the 'ex' is out of the picture.

b

[DavidC]

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She also is changing the code on their house-alarm.
She had never bothered changing it previously because she never suspected he might do something like this.


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Be sure to call the company and tell them that the husband is no longer allowed to enter the house. Otherwise they call, he answers, they shut off the alarm. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]