My girlfriend wants me to stop playing!

[Colonel Kataffy]

[ QUOTE ]
Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt.

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Lets assume for a minute that she is worth more than poker, which I doubt she is, this line is just bound to lose her anyway.

If you do this, you transfer all the power to her. She'll feel like you will do anything to keep her and she will have no fear of losing you. You will then become boring and unattractive to her. She will feel safe testing the water and meeting new guys, guys whom she has yet to win complete approval from, knowing that you will be waiting for her just in case things don't work out. Basically, you'll turn into a friend.

Do just the opposite. Tell her that you are young and that her putting these demands on you just makes you realize how much you value your independance. Tell her that she is an important part of your life, but that right now she is just one part of your life. Tell her that you have a lot of oppertunities right now that you don't want to miss out on.

Will she be pissed and upset, sure that will be her first reaction. Then she'll think about how you are willing to choose poker over her and that she isn't all that great and how smart and attractive you are and how she doesn't want to lose you and how lucky she was to ever to be with a guy like you in the first place. Then you can continue to date her and she'll remain attracted to you.

I know this doesn't appeal to the true love romantic in you, but if you want to save your relationship, you certainly can't let her push you around.

[BAK]

[ QUOTE ]
So tonite my girlfriend decided to tell me that she thinks I need to play (a lot) less poker. I admit, she is correct; sometimes I am less attentive to her than I should be, etc, etc...

I am a senior in college. Currently I play 15-20 hrs/week. So she says "lets determine how many hours you should play per week..." I'm thinking, "ok, she'll say like 10ish".

"Adam, I want you to play 3 hours/week or less!"

Well geez, didn't expect that one. So, of course I have no doubt that I can do that, but I explain to her that this is my job. This is how I buy us dinner and movies. I explain how I am playing well within my limits, that I never risk any sizeable portion of my money.

Now, of course I'll choose her over poker any day of the week, and if it comes down to that, let there be no doubt. I just can't get across to her the idea that it is simply a part time job. I have no intention of letting it become my life or livelihood.

Basically, I am willing to play less (or none at all), but I'd like to hear y'alls feedback on this topic. Surely there are people out there with some girlfriend experience...

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You start this by saying that you agree with her, that you are playing too much poker and not paying enough attention to her. This is the place to start thinking about the situation. Why do you think 15 - 20 hours is too much time spent playing poker? If you think that 10 hours is really a better amount of time to play, then I would start there. Let her know that you agree you have been spending too much time playing and that you think 10 hours is a better amount for you. Find out why she thinks 3 hours is right.

Talk about it with her honestly. But make sure that whatever you agree to do is something that you truely agree to. In the end, you need to be happy with the agreement or it will effect your relationship with her and, from your post, it seems like you are otherwise happy with her.

[BoogerFace]

I'd look for another girlfiend.

She probably has moral objections to gambling as a source of income, but she would probably be okay with a weekly live game with your friends. I don't think you are going to be happy with her.

[Jonny5]

They key is finding out what is behind the request.
My wife had a similiar problem with my playing and I made an effort to play a) when she wasn't home or b) after she went to bed or c) before she woke up on weekends.
As she doesn't understand poker that much, she thinks of it more as gambling than I do. I made the following deal with her.
I was only allowed to make deposits if she knew about it and gave her okay. This would prevent "family" money being gambled with.
In return she was not allowed to be bothered by spefic losses, if I lost $100 one day she couldn't say that money could have been used for groceries etc, as it was "won" money anyway. I told her I wouldn't lie to her as far as if I was up or down and by how much, so if she didn't want to deal with the swings, then not to ask me how much I was up. She now asks me just if I am up or down, and not how much. I have never asked to make another deposit so far, and I have made several withdrqawals that have gone towards family expenses.

Point is, find out what bothers her. If its taking time away from her, or money away from both of you, then she is right to ask you. If it is just poker that is bothering her, then she has her own issues to deal with and you shouldn't stop playing because she can't deal with them... you should however help her.

[Bluffoon]

Dump this controlling bitch immediately.

[BUD]

i am sure he is a great girl, but I would be raelly careful. For someone to try and dictate what you do for how much time is absurd. I wouldn't take that from my wife, but that is just me.

[Wubbie075]

Play less poker... about 3 hours a week just like she asked... then whenever she wants to do something (go to dinner, movies, club, etc.) tell her "I'm sorry baby, but I can't afford it. Now that I am not playing much poker I don't have the income I used to have."

[bkholdem]

I'm not going to read all the replies but I will say this:

I have a wife that "HATES" poker. When I started playing she was my girlfriend that hated poker.

I made her my 10% partner at no cost to her. Periodically I update her how much equity she has in my bankroll. I tell her that she can cash out at any time but then looses all future earnings.

(i.e. Right now you have $1,200, you can cash out now and have that, but...if I have 200,000 in 10 years you will miss out on all that other money...)

If your not going down that serious road with her don't let her mess up your future and present. What is she giving up for you?

I explained to my wife that it is my hobby and a profitable one and it is important to me. I made the comparison of her liking to socialize with her friends and family...it would be unfair of me to ask you to not do that, bla, bla...

I told her it's part of who I am and is part of the package..

Why is it better to give it up or limit it so much? How is it getting in the way? Do you control her free time? Tell her what she can and can't do? ....

good luck.

P.S. She want's 3 hours you tell her you want 66 hours... meet in the middle, if you go more towards her side she owes you..

[GoCubsGo]

If my girlfriend said this to me I would agree, SIIHP one last time, then never speak to her again. Who the [censored] does she think she is? Poker is a a very important activity for you because it's easy and makes you money. It's not like you're playing obsessively, so she should mind her own business.

You need to put a stop to this nonsense immediately.

I suggest that you agree with her. Then tell her, "Oh, by the way I make $xx a week playing poker, so I'll need you to get a job so we can continue to go to dinner and movies. Or if you don't want a job, we can just stay home and watch my Ultimate Fighting Championships DVD collection. Your choice. I'm here for you ."

In all seriousness, this is a fight you will have with women you are involved with for the rest of your life. You can either choose to wage bloody war and retain some semblance of autonomy or you can retreat and spend the rest of your days being nagged and controlled.

Look at women as being relentless blind stealers. They just see that blind (your time) sitting there for the taking and will try to steal it with just about any hand (excuse). Now sometimes you have to fold because they are correctly accusing you of neglect. But many times they are bluffing. When you have a defensible hand you must come over the top every single time. To simply call (compromise) only encourages more blind stealing.

It's amazing how illogical women can be about trying to control your time. I have a friend who is a recovering alcoholic who's wife started complaining about him going to too many AA meetings! He took one look at her and said, "Ok, you're right. Just run down to the grocery and grab me a 12 pack and we'll spend the night here watching TV."

She got the message.

You must be heartless and unyielding in defense of your time if you truly believe that you are giving your woman an appropriate amount of relationship time. Do whatever it takes. You'll be happier for it in the long run.