Fake Wedding - Advice Request

[Los Feliz Slim]

Well, I think so, obviously. The more I think about it, the more I think it's a manners thing. Simply because when you invite people to a wedding, it's a very reasonable assumption that they're not already married, you should tell them if you are. It just seems like the polite thing to do.

[mason55]

[ QUOTE ]
hmmmm.

I'm getting married in May....but my fiancee and I just bought a house and are considering getting married before the end of the year for tax purposes. Just a civil ceremony, no one there, not tell anyone.....and still have the big wedding in May.

The only reason we're considering this is strictly financial.

Anyone think this is wrong???

[/ QUOTE ]

Absolutely not. And I think it's up to you guys if you want to tell anyone. It's definitely not rude to not say anything.

A friend of mine married his gf because she was from a foreign country and her visa was about to expire. Once that happened she would have to leave the US. So they got married. They were only together for like 10 months beforehand, but had no kids or financial issues that would have arisen should that have chosen to get divorced. 2 years later they had their real wedding. No one was the wiser. They're still together 10 years later.

OP is just being very very selfish.

[bobman0330]

I'm gonna go against the trend of advice here and say:

Burn their house down... You could've been ogling a stripper, but instead you were stuck at a crappy wedding. Burn their house down.

[cocked&locked]

I know I said I wasn't going to reply anymore, but it seems that this topic has gotten a few more responses and I think I'll clarify a few things. Peachy, not all of these comments are for your benefit, but since a bunch of issues that I wanted to address are contained within your posts, I figured I'd just respond to this one.

1) On a scale of 1 to 10 on my grrrr rating, this is only like a 2.5 or something. I'm not laying down on the floor kicking and screaming (this requires like an 8 on my scale).

2) The "write letters to everyone" comment was completely irrational. I put it in there as I brainstormed and I think we can all agree it is stupid. For me to get off my arse and do something like that would be a feat only matched by this girl:
Completely safe for work, intriguing, but largely disgusting.

2) They got married in front of the JP twice. There was a JP there the second time, so I don't buy that it was for religeous reasons, etc. It wasn't at a church, although their were traditional vows. I think it was for insurance reasons that they got married before (I'mnot positive about this).

3) I am married. I know what a marriage costs. I also know approximately what their marriage probably cost. I also understand that his parents paid for the wedding (of course I have no way of knowing this for sure). It is my understanding that they did not intend to tell his parents, but they found out anyway. As it was explained to me, the parents were mad about it.

4) My primary point is one that I don't like being lied to about something like this. The bachelor party, money, and thank you card are like about 1/50 th of my distaste (esp the thank you card - I never even look for those things, but in this case, not recieving one seemed pretty consitent with the rest of this crap). I sat during the ceremony and was under the impression that I was viewing a wedding. My wife helped prepare the wedding shower, attended it, etc. without knowing. I don't want to go so far as to say she (and everybody else not in on the little secret) was (were) made a fool, but my wife was facilitating what she thought was a wedding. I don't think its so much to ask that she (especially her) be treated with a common courtesy of being told the truth. My opinion of them would be a heck of a lot different if they were up front.

5) I did not say that my wife was not her friend. They used to be closer than they are now, true, and the way I portrayed my wife's impression is correct, but they are nonetheless friends. As I stated before, I went to be there for my wife. I was cordial with them before. I would term them aquaintances from my part - not friends.

6) From reading this thread, I realize that I over-reacted - I guess it should top out at a 0.5 on the grrrr scale. I appreciate the feedback and will probably not give this more thought after I read the responses and do a little self-reflection. I'm not sure that anyone can convince me that deceit in this situation is ok. We can argue about the semantics and the relative definitions of ideas of "lying" and "just not telling", but bottom line, one assumes the bride and groom are not married when they get there.

If I went to the pet store to get a dog (something that I would never do - I don't support the methods by which they are often obtained), I would expect that the clerk be upfront about any illness that the dog has. If the clerk would intentionally not tell me that the dog had a fatal illness so that I would buy the dog, we might not call that lying, but I think we would agree that if he knowingly withheld that info, he is unethical.

It does seem that I am in the distinct minority here, so I guess I'll not think about it for a while, come back and read the thread, and maybe see the light.

cocked&locked
"sometimes irrational, but looking to improve"

[dcasper70]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm gonna go against the trend of advice here and say:

Burn their house down... You could've been ogling a stripper, but instead you were stuck at a crappy wedding. Burn their house down.

[/ QUOTE ]

make sure you get your gift out first...