Slow rolling advice needed

[TheBlueMonster]

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To be honest, most of the suggestions were lame.

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lame posts beget lame responses.

[SamIAm]

Count me in the "non-hater" category. All these people calling your age, character, etc. in to question need to loosen up.

I say you get a different deck (Not at all similar. Different size and different colored back) and extract the 7[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] and 2[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]. Put them in your pocket.

Next time you have the nuts, pick up your hole-cards with your left hand while you pull out your other hole cards with your right hand. Toss the 72o face-up on the table. Say "I think you might have beaten me." When your opponent shows his cards reveal yours with your usual flair.

It's important that the deck isn't similar; you don't want to actually start cheating. You want everybody to say "Wait, those don't quite look like..." and then you reveal your own cards.
-Sam

[Klepton]

this thread is amazing

i say you just LITERALLY slow roll

as in you get up from the table and slowly roll on the floor until you get to his side of the table...then show him your hand...then slowly roll back to your seat and collect your chips.

[Zetack]

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Exactly right, it is a cheesy drunken home game where a big pot is $10. About half of us, have agreed to slowroll the sh*t out of each other and do other nonsense like string bets and such, we only slowroll those who have agreed to it, and when it's at my place and my wife plays, I will slowroll her as well.

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I'm sure many people slowroll your wife.


[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

--Zetack

[jason_t]

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this thread is amazing

i say you just LITERALLY slow roll

as in you get up from the table and slowly roll on the floor until you get to his side of the table...then show him your hand...then slowly roll back to your seat and collect your chips.

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I didn't laugh once while reading this thread until this post.

[deadmoney98]

Well here are the two worst slow rolls that have ever happened to me, and they certainly pissed me off, but since you seem to be more experienced you have probably all ready thought of worse...

1. Shortstacked in a home tourney. Everyone there was really bad, and just had no idea how normal people play. I push in EP. Folds around to the BB. He has me wel covered, but takes like five solid minutes counting out the exact number of chips to call. I show my junk hand, he finally flips over AA. The best part was the whole place went nuts like they had never seen aces before. I guarantee zero people there could define the phrase slow roll.

2. In my regular home game I go all in on the river with nothing, just a total bluff. My opponent, who is a dick, sits there for five minutes talking to himself. Like, "What can you have?" "I just can't figure it out." Finally he says, "well of course I call" and waits for me to show before he flips over the stone cold nuts. As far as tilt factor goes, that was the best, I was about to leave, but instead I bought back in and declared I was coming after his chips.

[CIncyHR]

This is a great post.

[Klak]

how about not showing your hand when all in before all the cards are out saying youre drawing dead, then show after the last card comes down and the guy is raking the pot in.

[Doc7]

Replace one of your molars with a cyanide capsule. Probably a good idea to do this within a day or so of the game, because while the capsule is in your mouth you'll want to avoid chewing solid foods. (This could lead to some unpleasant results.) You may have a difficult time finding a dentist who will remove a molar for no real reason, and you'll definitely have trouble finding an appropriate capsule and a person who will help install it, so I suggest you plan this out far ahead of time. The last thing you want is to finally get a dentist to do it, and then find out half your buddies are fishing all week and won't be able to play poker till next Friday. So plan ahead and make sure you have a dentist, black-market cyanide capsule (and assistant to help insert it in your mouth) and a poker game all lined up within 72 hours of each other!

Now, wait for the perfect hand. "Slow rolling", of course, ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE THE BEST HAND. I suggest waiting for the purest nuts, such as an Ace-high flush on a non-paired and non-straight flush possibility board, so as to ensure that you don't "slow roll" an opponent who actually has you beat!

Now, wait until the end of the hand when you have the absolute nuts and are GUARANTEED a NON-SPLIT pot! Let your opponents turn over your cards one by one, then say, "Oh damn guys, I only have a..." now BITE! Slam that cyanide capsule with all your masculine jaw's might, and swallow...It'll taste kind of like almonds and I suggest you swallow as much as possible (get some saliva in your mouth as the final round of betting progresses for best results)

Grab your cards, clutch them to your chest and give yourself (and your chair) some backwards momentum as the cyanide begins its dirty work. Don't worry about the harmful effects of gravity pulling you and your chair backwards, you'll probably be dead enough by the time you hit the ground not to care.

Your friends will literally have to pull the nuts from your cold dead fingers, and give the pot to your next of kin.


Talk about a slow-roll, dude. That'll get them for sure. Please write a post about how it went, and leave it with your lawyer so he can post here to let us know that it worked!

[Runner Runner]

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Slam that cyanide capsule with all your masculine jaw's might, and swallow...It'll taste kind of like almonds and I suggest you swallow as much as possible (get some saliva in your mouth as the final round of betting progresses for best results)

Grab your cards, clutch them to your chest and give yourself (and your chair) some backwards momentum as the cyanide begins its dirty work. Don't worry about the harmful effects of gravity pulling you and your chair backwards, you'll probably be dead enough by the time you hit the ground not to care.


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WTF is wrong with you.

On a lighter note, a buddy of mine had a failed slowroll in our game on Friday. We were playing Pot Limit Omaha and the final board was non paired with the king of clubs and 3 other clubs. I had the bare ace of clubs and tried to bluff at the pot with the nut blocker. He called me down with the queen high flush and tried to slowroll it by first just showing 2 queens on the river, little did he know his 2 queens were good enough to take it down.