Losing At Love And Poker. **LAST EVER POST** - Page 4

IlliniRyRy · #31 05-10-2005, 11:02 AM

I'd agree with some of the other posts here that if there was no one else was in the picture, than yeah you should tell her you gave all your poker books away and you don't plan on ever playing the game again because she's more important to you. But evidently, she's marrying someone else and that makes all the difference. It has everything to do with this other person now. That's a rough story, I really feel for ya. Life does go on though, time heals all wounds. You'll meet someone else and I bet you'll be back in the game before you know it. Good luck.

steamboatin · #32 05-10-2005, 01:37 PM

I would submit for your consideration that few gambling addicts would ever read or post in an addiction forum. If they are in denial about their problem and I believe most are until they hit bottom, there is no way they will participate before they crash.

IShark · #33 05-10-2005, 02:43 PM

Maybe the forum could include advice about how to spot gambling addicts at the tables, and get up and leave rather than staying and continuing to preying upon the mentally ill.

grandgnu · #34 05-10-2005, 03:16 PM

The OP didn't really provide details regarding why he considered himself an addict, except for the loss of his girl.

I think it's easy to have a variety of problems that break up a relationship. When I was 19 I was engaged to a girl who was 23, and she had a kid from a previous relationship. We worked opposite shifts to make ends meet, so we rarely saw one another. And when we did, one or the other would be too exhausted to enjoy the others company.

I also worked as a manager at one point, and the stress and time commitments from that job can hamper a relationship as well.

In my current job, I choose to work only 32 hours per week, and I could easily take 40-48 hours on a regular basis, and I could've taken on the supervisor position. But I really don't want to. I realize that life is too short to live it working all the time, or doing anything else ALL the time for that matter.

I hope the OP is not making a quick reaction to the problem at hand that isn't going to solve any issues. Perhaps evaluating the entire situation, and how much time is spent with poker, etc. will help.

My current fiance' and I are getting married this October. I usually have Thursday through Saturday off, and I run home games most every Saturday night. She was complaining because of it. But the alternative is that I take on an additional shift at work, which will stress me out.

At least when I'm playing poker one night per week, I'm at home, not away, and it's not even 8 hours long. It helps keep me happy, while working the extra shift all the time would make me miserable. And I still have two days off a week where I'm not playing poker.

There are plenty of girls who are not into poker as much as a guy will be, and they'll bitch and moan about it anytime you play. Some of them are just extremely needy.

This isn't always the case, and perhaps the OP does have a problem, I really can't say. But girls are overrated anyway, sometimes being single can be a good thing, having that freedom. I hope you're able to work things out whatever happens.

adios · #35 05-10-2005, 04:37 PM

I'm going to state something that I suspect I'll be criticized for, I would guess that her attitude about poker might be different if you were making a lot of money at poker. In my experience it does make a difference. When I was playing a lot of poker 10 years ago or so my wife didn't like it at all. In fact I remember one day where I was at the casino about 10 hours on a Sunday because the game I was in was so good. She was so mad when I got home. When I asked her if she wanted to go on a vacation that we had been wanting to go on but lacked funds for her mood changed immediately. She realized that without the poker winnings it wouldn't have been possible. Also when I played I always gave her some of the money that I won. Not a great way to increase a bankroll but it helped her accept what I was doing.

I play mostly online now and mostly in tournaments but she is far more understanding and supportive of my playing now. She realized at some point that poker was a way to make money and not some sort of -EV activity like craps or roulette. She doesn't get the concept of EV all that well or bankroll all that well but she understands that I win more than I lose and it helped a lot.

USGrant · #36 05-10-2005, 06:28 PM

I don't necessarily agree that self-denial of addictive behavior is an essential trait of addiciton. Although there are many who are addicted and don't verbalize or conceptualize it in those terms, there are just as many who know very well they are addicted to something and keep doing it anyway.

So, powerlessness to control a behavior is an essential trait of addiction, and I think a forum that would help people get info on GA, or talk to other people who are struggling with compulsive gambling and the effects of it on their relationships would be both appropriate and responsible.