What do married couples talk about?

[Gunny Highway]

[ QUOTE ]
Me: Honey, I'm home what's for dinner?

Wife: Whatever you decide to make.

Me: Uh, okay. What did you and kids do today?

Wife: Those little hellions didn't listen to a word I said. All they want to do is watch TV. You deal with them tonight. I've had enough.

Me: Uh, that sounds fine. Wow, you are really looking great today. How about we watch a movie after I get the kids settled down?

Wife: Just settle down and get your dinner. I'm not in mood for anything tonight.

[/ QUOTE ]

Standard.

[ QUOTE ]
married couples don't talk. Well, that's not true.

Married men don't talk. They pretend to listen.

[/ QUOTE ]

What hon? ...oh yeah of course I was listening, you were talking about (hopefully insert one word that you may have heard while she was talking - not a/an/the/is/it)

[diebitter]

The secret to a happy marriage for men?

Learn to actually look forward to the peace and quiet of the silent treatment (but don't ever let on!).
It's freakin fabulous [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
pregger sex is g00t.

[/ QUOTE ]
What if she's fat?

[/ QUOTE ]

"... the bigger the cushion, the better the pushin', you know what I mean..."

[4_2_it]

[ QUOTE ]
The secret to a happy marriage for men?

Learn to actually look forward to the peace and quiet of the silent treatment (but don't ever let on!). It's heavenly [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[/ QUOTE ]

Also, remember not to laugh out loud when they give you the evil eye. The key is to hurry and get to the silent treatment phase as quickly as possible.

Here is what not to talk about.

Don't ever start a conversation with: "So, what is it exactly you do all day while I'm at work?"

[ChipWrecked]

I've posted it before, but the 'three word phrase' is gold.
As you pretend to listen, when you hear from the tone of the droning that it's time to respond, you just grab three words.

"Is that right?"
"Please go on."
"Tell me more"
"You don't say?"
"That's very interesting"
"And then what?"

ad nauseum.....

[Shajen]

I'm a fan of the "uh huh...yeah" myself.

[diebitter]

And if you're asked an opinion on something, don't say 'I don't care.' Doesn't wash.

This means exactly the same thing, but shuts em up: 'I have no opinion on that.'

[Gunny Highway]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm a fan of the "uh huh...yeah" myself.

[/ QUOTE ]

I've tried this phrase. The tough part is saying it w/o a touch of sarcasm. Even if you manage it, somehow they hear sarcasm.