My GF's psycho-ex (long and bad and dramatic....stressful situation)

[sublime]

Again, I learned the hard way

i could copy and paste what you wrote and it would matach what i went thru.

of course, not all women who date whackos, are themselves whacko.

good luck with this stuff bob

[bernie]

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He's a big guy.

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I don't know you and this is none of my business. But this pisses me off. Who gives a [censored] how big he is. He is a [censored] [censored]. And people have been letting him get away with [censored] for to dam [censored] long.

If you like this chick stand up for her. If you are afraid of this guy think how she feels. You don't have to beat him up you just have to stand up to him. If he turns it physical do your best. Take your licks like a man. You will surprise him and yourself.

Man I hate bullies. Kick his [censored] ass.

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About the worst thing he could do is this.

b

[bernie]

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me and my ex also stalled for a 2+ years to get it finalized and we both had long since agreed to do it. we were just lazy.

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Do not compare your divorce situation with this one. It's not the same or even in the same ballpark.

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sorry your situation had turned out so badly.

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Badly? It turned out great. Im not with her anymore and I realized later on just how lucky I was to get away. I was in as deep and as blinded as you are right now. How good is your situation? Take a good look at your own post and really look at what you're putting up with. Are you that co-dependant? Do you really feel that much a need to rescue someone?

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it strikes me as highly unlikely she would go back to this guy.
even if she and I don't work out for whatever reason I doubt that he would be the guy she would go to.


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Yes, I thought the exact same thing. Did you read what I went through? Read it again. Protection orders, by her against him, moving to hide from him, etc. etc.

Fact is, it doesn't matter. It's a bad situation.

But let me guess, your situation is different, right?

Wrong.

It's not necesarily you trusting her. It's trusting the situation. If this week goes by, you said they're filing this week, and the divorce isn't signed and on its way, it's good-bye time.

b

[bernie]

[ QUOTE ]
Again, I learned the hard way

i could copy and paste what you wrote and it would matach what i went thru.

of course, not all women who date whackos, are themselves whacko.

good luck with this stuff bob

[/ QUOTE ]

If the woman is really that great, she will seek you out after all her baggage is cleared up. It's her problem. You can give support without being in the situation. That said, don't wait for her.

b

[MicroBob]

while i'm not going to give her an ultimatum like that I do think she'll file this week.
Previously she said she just wanted this guy to agree to it so that there would be no fight involved. She is extremely non-confrontational.
Now that he has agreed she said she'll get to do that this week. It's not taking any convincing from me.


I know it sounds ridiculous to say my situation is different.
I don't know...maybe it's the same and she's really unhealthy.

I've had a couple of semi-psycho girls before somewhere around college and post-college and recognized the problem signs.
But I don't think it would be right to break-up with her just because her psycho-ex suddenly is trying to create difficulties.

Breaking up with her is exactly what HE would want me to do.

She hasn't been talking to him. Completely avoiding him in fact...for quite some time.
I know that he hasn't been calling as much because her cell-phone used to buzz a couple times a night during the times when he was contacting her.
She would look at the phone and put it down...and I would ask if it was him and she would nod and usually wouldn't want to talk about it.
Of late, the only time the phone would buzz would be when her mom or borther would call.


Anyway, despite whatever evidence I can present...all I can go on are my gut-instincts that this guy is a tool who got drunk, etc and tried to rattle me (it worked).


At first he was telling me that my GF is married and clearly didn't think that I knew that. It was AFTER I told him that I knew about her ex and AFTER he could tell that I wasn't shocked or bothered by that knowledge that he eventually went into all the "how much she's been f'cking me" routine.



He's shown-up at her door-step twice...and he called me twice in one night.
There have beenn no violence threats nor any rocks through windows.

I do understand that the way this is going that could be a possibility for all we know. But the fact that it isn't happening means we might not get there (hoping of course).



Back to the divorce-delay thing....her complete lack of confrontationalness is mostly to blame. She just hates any and all confrontation and avoids it...thus her 'wait until he's okay with it' strategy.


I agree she has issues.
So do I.
So does everyone.

But her issues aren't enough for me to leave her currently.
His issues are the obstacle here as far as I can tell.



Is it possible she's been sleeping with him on the side?
Sure...it's possible. But I still am giving her the benefit of the doubt currently.
I don't keep a 24-hour watch on her so how the hell do I really know?

She calls after a 14-hour shift at work and says she's too tired to swing by and get a drink. She's a nurse at a hospital...so it could also mean that she watched some patient die whom she had been looking after for a couple of weeks. Kind of stressful obviously.
Is she lying to me about heading home and going to bed and instead going over to his place and f'cking his brains out?
Is she lying to me about having dinner with her brother?

It's possible. But I wasn't paranoid about that possibility before and I don't think that this psycho-ex's drunken-blabbering deserves THAT much credit that I should just end it just because HE called me on ONE night and was kind of nuts.


Anyway...I agree that it's time for the divorce. As does she. She's kind of excited (in-between her shut-out-the-world method of dealing with stress) to go get the papers now and get that going. And she was saying that before he called me (while she was telling me about his visit last night).

She's so incredibly sorry that dating her has put me into this situation...which really isn't THAT horrible a situation in that he hasn't physically threatened me or anything. Just a couple of annoying drunken calls.


Anyway....thanks to everyone for their support so far.
It really is quite helpful as I mentioned earlier.

I sure wish I could freaking go to sleep....but my sleep schedule of late has been 5a-1p or so...and today we had a soccer game so I came home and napped after that from 5p-8p or so ...before this whole drama began.
So even with the alcohol it looks like i'm up for a little while.

[Lawrence Ng]

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Confucius say: Stop committing adultery.

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First off, if you are Asian or more specific Chinese - you are being a disgrace and a joke.

If you aren't Asian, you are doing a horrible job trying to pretend to be one.

Lawrence

[theredpill5]

I haven't read any responses partly because I don't want to be influenced by them. If I was you, I'd end it with this crazy GF of yours.

This chick likes drama obviously. She knows what she is doing. She is one messed up girl, man. You need to come to grips with this. She obviously doesn't mind having her husband still in her life or he wouldn't still have a key that worked to her apartment and he wouldn't still have her phone number. If I was you, I'd pissed because you are getting [censored] on left and right.

End it with her, as soon as possible and the chick really doesn't even deserve a phone call ending it. Just end it and never talk to her again. Go find a normal girl. Do it man. You don't know what people are capable of. This guy may just lose it. Also, change your phone number and if you can move to another apartment, I would do that , too. This is scarey situation that is nearly at boiling point.

The chick likes drama that is for sure or she wouldn't have all this [censored] in her life. You are totally letting her off the hook as she was some innocent victim. She isn't. Later.

[theredpill5]

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Until proven so, you need to keep trusting your GF.

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(i'm back after my 3 gin and tonics)

this is good advice. thank you. something I am realizing too obviously.

I don't think she's been with him....but it's just there in my head now.

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Ok, just read the responses. This is not good advice. Get out of this [censored] !!

I'm just going to say this. If you stay with this girl and stay involved this crap, you deserve whatever you get, man.

[MicroBob]

so if i gave you a call and said that I had been sleeping with your GF you would just end it with her?

[daveymck]

My GF was married and still living with her husband when I met her, fortunatley he was never psycho with me but was with her, once they split he wouldnt stop hassling her so much so she had to move out of the house (he had moved out at this point) and her and the two kids were sharing one bedroom at her mams.

Even though he had wanted to end it this was how he reacted probably cos she found someone so quickly. They have been through the divorce etc etc but even 8 years later he is still part of the relationship, he has had us to court over access rights a number of times including a month ago and heis still a often discussed topic and I say to her when stuff happens he still has his hooks in her and he can turn them whenver he wants to cause her pain and grief (he was mentally abusive to her).

However we are quite strong and have a decent life together, but ex husband hassles have contributed to additional ups and downs that any relationship has.

In short if you care enough stay work together as a couple, get her divorced if he gives more grief look at restraining orders but know that this wont be somthing just switched off overnight I suspect this will be the first part of an ongoing saga and you have to be ready to deal with that if the relationship is going to succeed. If there are no kids involved then is should be more of a clean break if not then he will be even more of a part of your relationship with her.