Post your best hammered casino poker story here

[ddss6_99]

Not much about poker, but I still crack up reading this. For today, im the coolest person yuou know

[plaster8]

I was not the one hammered in these stories, but I think they're OK nonetheless.

I'm in Reno a few years ago at 3 a.m., playing Pai Gow Poker alone. This homeless-looking guy plops down next to me, sweating bourbon, and throws a c-note down as his bet. He gets his seven cards from the dealer, and recoils.

"WHAT THE F ARE WE PLAYING?" he slurs.

I help him play his cards for about 15 minutes, he wins about $700 and gets tossed when he refuses to get coffee instead of a beer. I leave a few minutes after that, and I see two security guards beating the crap out of him in the alley. I decide I do not want to interfere in a Reno alley fight in the middle of the night.

Story 2: I'm playing poker at a casino for the first time ever. I'm at the Excalibur. I have to take a leak, but I have no idea where the bathrooms are. I ask the table and they point me in the right direction. As I turn the corner toward the bathroom, a drunk guy slams into me and dumps his drink directly on my crotch.

This after I have just asked the poker table where the bathrooms are.

I still had chips on the table, which is the only reason I sheepishly went back. Had I realized I'd never see any of these people again, I would have just strolled back to the table confidently with my soaking pants and said, "Well, I didn't find the bathroom."

[Pokerprowannabe]

I posted this earlier but I think it's worth another laugh.

So I'm sitting at a table in the local casino totally digging the action when i see a little tiny guy in the corner wearing a green felt cap doing jumping jacks while smoking a cigar. Now at first I'm thinking to myself, what the hell is this guy doing in a card room with a cigar? They don't allow cigars in here? And why is he so tiny? He doesn't even look 21!
So anyway, I shake it off and try to go back to playing cards when the guy next to me says... "I hear those fellas can't walk very fast". Hmm, Maybe not, but they sure can jump, I think to myself. Then I look over again, and the little tiny guy has sweat pouring off his forehead, doing jumping jacks, just going to town on his cigar like a little green Irish smokestack or something.

Now I'm really starting to freak out because I'm not sure if the guy next to me REALLY said that, or the MUSHROOMS I took are finally kicking in and I should get out of here QUICK! So I push all my chips into the pot, say I'M ALL IN! Figuring if I did that, NOBODY would dare call that raise, right? DIDN'T THINK SO! Just then the little tiny guy comes over to the table and says mushrooms? What mushrooms? I just want to go home. What are you looking at?

At that point I just had to get up and leave. I wasn't really thinking straight anyway.

[Jaskohouston]

These are great, so i'm going to contribute to get others to do the same.

Not poker, but last December we're at Hard Rock playing blackjack. Played for hours and hours, they close all the lower limit tables and get us one of our own ($10). We're all wasted, but my buddy is HAMMERED. He's at third base, starts chatting up the dealer with this ridiculous crap. Says great things, completely unprovoked, like "man, I've been where you are. I know how hard it is. You just have to keep your head up.", like the dealer is some street person or something. He's hitting on 18, splitting face cards, and just winning a pretty large amount for blackjack where hands are averaging probably $25 a hand. One guy blasts him for it, and he goes "You think I care? I make a million bucks a year.", and of course my other buddy proceeds immediately with, "No you don't", which gets a great laugh.

He starts tipping this dealer a bunch of money. We are having to pull chips away while he isn't looking and hide them from him. The pit boss and dealer see us doing this but don't even care because it's completely obvious how necessary it is. As we about to leave, he gives the guy like $200 and says "Just make sure this gets to the kids. It's all for the kids". We have no idea where this came from.

Needless to say "do it for the kids" has become a running punch line with our group.

[Riverman]

ah, the table games-

One night at borgata a few buddies and I played some post-poker blackjack and got shithoused. At like 3am these two hot girls come and sit down at our table. Now even hammered I can see that these are working girls, but they are nice and our group chats with them and whatever. One of these girls is getting pretty friendly with one of my friends so I say for all to hear, "Watch out, its pay to play with that [censored]" or something to that effect. Long story short, the women were 20-something teachers from Philadelphia who came on a whim after one of their birthday parties. So my smooth move alienated drunk, hot, and probably horny girls. Not my finest hour.

[jba]

well this really doesn't have much to do with gambling but it happened in a casino so WTF

So me and some friends get totally hammered playing BJ. One guy is 19 and is one of those fellows that will drink and drink and drink and get incredibly hammered, but is somehow incapable of passing out or puking and will just continue to throw them back at an alarming pace.

we stop playing to go get breakfast and this guy is just hammered out of his mind. The following conversation transpires:

him: I'll have the grand slam (or whatever it was)
waitress: how do you want your eggs?
him: huh?
waitress: your eggs, how do you want your eggs?
him: oh, oh, the very best

Over a year ago around Christmas I had one of my favorite nights of poker ever. During a long session of 20-40 at Borgata my friend comes over to me and says he's cashing out (he was playing 80-160) and that I should do the same and go have some fun. So I'm up over 2 dimes and it sounds like a good idea.

I walk up to the cage to cash out and he has one of those little food carts pulled up there and he is loading it with rack upon rack of white chips. He grabs one of my racks of red and hands it to the cashier and asks for five more racks of white. So we have this cart loaded up with like fifteen racks of white chips and we wheel it over to the 2-4 table. On the way over he says play as tight as you can for the first down and then we'll have some fun.

We take seats on opposite ends of the table and unload our racks. It took about fifteen minutes of building for each of us to construct massive pyramids of chips on the table. We are ordering drinks and just enjoying the confused looks of the 2-4 grinders. Then the dealers change and Anthony sits down. For those that dont play there Anthony is a really great guy with a good sense of humor. He is a giant black man with a booming voice and infectious laugh. Well he knows us pretty well and he almost falls over laughing when he sees us there with our pyramids and cocktails. He says to the table "ok seatbelt time kids".

First hand dealt we get it capped preflop, cap the flop, cap the turn and are heads up on the river. I bet, he raises, I 3-bet, he announces that I must be bluffing and goes to 4, I claim he's making a move and go to 5, and on and on until we've put 12 bets in on the river and I take the pot down with J high to beat his 9 high.

He pretends to storm away from the table and comes back from the cage with five more racks. We are raising every chance we get and the table starts trying to keep up with us but they are clueless doing things like calling 2 turn bets but folding to the cap or calling all the way and folding on the river when my most likely holding is 7 high. Then on one hand I go 3 bets on the river against this 40 something asian woman who calls my 3rd bet and says "what you got?" I reply "I don't know I haven't looked yet." Which was true. I turn over 74os for a runner runner straight and yell "Yahtzee!" So she starts screaming and calls the floor. She and another nit in the game are now complaining that we're ruining the game. If it's possible to "ruin" a 2-4 game I'm pretty sure trying to dump a few hundred dollars worth of super loose action into the game is not how it's done. So the floorman Bruce flags us and we're cutoff. We rack up and go and upon doing so discover that we are both up, I managed to win over $100 in the game. I throw the dealer a pile of white chips that didn't fit in the rack and that was that until we got to the cage.

My friend manages to dump over the cart in front of the cage spilling what is now over twenty racks of white chips on the floor. I wish I had a picture of his drunk ass sitting there surrounded by over 2000 chips crying from the laughter.

It was a fun night.

[mblax10]

[ QUOTE ]
During this time he goes to play craps (he has no idea what the rules are) Wins 2000 by hitting bulshit like hard 12, snake eyes, and other longshots,

[/ QUOTE ]

If he was hitting soft 12's I'd really be impressed.

[willie]

this thread is the nuts.


i wish i drank when i played, then maybe i'd have a story like this....guess i'm kinda businesslike.

[Riverman]

"If he was hitting soft 12's I'd really be impressed."

Read my post. "He starts playing CRAPS." Hard 12 as in rolling 2 sixes which pays 30-1.