Fake Wedding - Advice Request - Page 3

peachy · #21 10-12-2005, 01:35 PM

if they are ur friends then it shouldnt matter! what is wrong with u? Many people get married and then later have a bigger ceromony when they can "afford" it...who are u to come down on people for doing so? If the fact that they were already legally married and wanted an actual wedding means u arent thier friend.

A friend of mine got married just at the court no service, etc and had a few close friends over to his house. I went to this and TOOK a gift, etc etc. Threw his wife an after shower type thing. A few years later when they had the $ for a wedding they did it the traditional way, i didnt think TWICE about attending or giving them another gift. And this was a time where i had lil to no money...they were friends it didnt matter.

All girls want the "WEDDING of thier dreams", dont judge someone b/c they are actually doing it when they can, it may not be just a money issue maybe its a time issue. A few couples i know couldnt b/c of business, travel, etc have thier wedding service until months after they were legally married...there is NOTHING wrong with this.

Now if someone had a ceremony wedding a number of times for the WHOLE intention of gifts i wouldnt go, but weddings arent cheap, i doubt hardly anyone would do this

its sad u feel this way about time and money lost to a friend, ur a friend i wouldnt want

IF ur wife doesnt like her that much and u arent close to them then shame on u for being in and at thier wedding...ur wife has little backbone if she cant tell a NOT so very good friend that she doesnt wanna be in her wedding and then complain about it later....

EVERY girl deserves a wedding...shame on u, ur wife, and mother in law

and get over ur thank u card thing - its traditionally a year le-way period for gifts and thank u cards...at least in the south. Be happy that they got married, stop thinking only of what u missed, lost, didnt get thanked for. U were there for ur wife...that should be enough...end of story. And the fact u turned her bitter to this event is very sad.

the fact that this "3) Find the guest list and inform everybody else that went to the wedding the circumstances" even crossed ur mind is BEYOND me!!! what kind of person are u??? misery loves company eh?

NEWS FLASH!!! it costs more to have a wedding than in the gifts u get!!!! even for small crapy ones!! grow up!!

ChipWrecked · #22 10-12-2005, 01:35 PM

Hate the Drake!

RunDownHouse · #23 10-12-2005, 01:42 PM

[ QUOTE ]
But, I'm an insane person and for some reason am absolutely nuts about privacy.

Anyway, we never would've kept the fact that the actual ceremony wasn't the "real" wedding from anyone.

[/ QUOTE ]
You're nuts about privacy but you'd let everyone know that you'd been laid off and couldn't afford a ceremony, or you knocked her up and wanted a quickie ceremony, or your father was deathly ill and you wanted him to be there, or...

As others have said, there are a lot of very good reasons for doing this, and a lot of those reasons are things that the bride and grrom may not feel comfortable sharing with a stranger and a casual acquaintance like the OP and his wife.

astroglide · #24 10-12-2005, 01:45 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Anyone think this is wrong???

[/ QUOTE ]

no

peachy · #25 10-12-2005, 01:47 PM

[ QUOTE ]
hmmmm.

I'm getting married in May....but my fiancee and I just bought a house and are considering getting married before the end of the year for tax purposes. Just a civil ceremony, no one there, not tell anyone.....and still have the big wedding in May.

The only reason we're considering this is strictly financial.

Anyone think this is wrong???

[/ QUOTE ]

not at all...smart move to have it benifit u financially...if ur going to be married only a few months later - no biggie

hyde · #26 10-12-2005, 01:49 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think the issue is that you are being a baby. The issue is that you never took 5 minutes to go over the millions of good reasons these people may have had for doing what they did.

[/ QUOTE ]

they lied. unlikely there is a good enough reason to lie to your friends about this.
I agree the OP's responses were pretty poor, mostly because he got lied to and scammed.
The bride and groom are liars and frauds. I would ask them why they lied and probably find the response a childish rationalization, and from then on avoid them.
AND MAYBE they have a good reason......though I can't figure one that doesn't involve alien abduction....

peachy · #27 10-12-2005, 01:53 PM

lying is TELLING someone something different...i know i "forget" to tell people things or think they already know or sometimes its just an issue i dont want to share with EVERYONE, especially in a wedding setting where the guestlists can get large and u have 92304923904920409 things to do to plan the wedding - ur 1st thought isnt "i need to tell everyone we got offically married at the court house and are doing it again", PLEASE! If i did this, the ceremony wedding would be what i considered my marriage - its the day u remember forever...and i can guarentee i wouldnt remember to INFORM everyone that i had gotten married at the JoP for whatever reason it may be. Its not thier DUTY to inform ALL, and its not a LIE to just not tell something....

Los Feliz Slim · #28 10-12-2005, 02:24 PM

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
But, I'm an insane person and for some reason am absolutely nuts about privacy.

Anyway, we never would've kept the fact that the actual ceremony wasn't the "real" wedding from anyone.

[/ QUOTE ]
You're nuts about privacy but you'd let everyone know that you'd been laid off and couldn't afford a ceremony, or you knocked her up and wanted a quickie ceremony, or your father was deathly ill and you wanted him to be there, or...

As others have said, there are a lot of very good reasons for doing this, and a lot of those reasons are things that the bride and grrom may not feel comfortable sharing with a stranger and a casual acquaintance like the OP and his wife.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think it'd be necessary to go into that kind of detail. Just letting people know that circumstances required you be married prior to the public ceremony would suffice.

You go to a wedding, you're assuming the people aren't already married. It's not a crime against humanity or anything, and I don't think the OP's level of anger is justified, but it's a little strange. I would think an aunt or grandmother or something would probably also be surprised by this kind of thing.

tpir90036 · #29 10-12-2005, 02:41 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think the issue is that you are being a baby. The issue is that you never took 5 minutes to go over the millions of good reasons these people may have had for doing what they did.

[/ QUOTE ]
From now on when I see that Paluka has responded to a thread I am just going to hit the "back" button since what I want to say will have already been said....and in about 200 fewer words.

OK, I am done kissing ass now.
-tpir

RunDownHouse · #30 10-12-2005, 02:43 PM

[ QUOTE ]
I don't think it'd be necessary to go into that kind of detail. Just letting people know that circumstances required you be married prior to the public ceremony would suffice.

[/ QUOTE ]
I guess I think that the very fact that the ceremony is not at the same time as the vows indicates that there were extenuating circumstances other than greed or whimsy.

A friend of mine is currently dating a Canadian. Technically, I suppose, they're married, since they went to a JP and bought a marriage license and all that. He wasn't ready for marriage - I'm unsure if she was or not - but he loved her, and her permission to live/work in the US was going to expire soon. It was either marriage or she moves back to Canada.

Like I said, he loves her. If they decide to "actually get married" in the future, ceremony at all, should they tell the guests that they've been married legally since 2005?