Funny Lines from movies that aren't comedies

[LoaferGee12]

Shark Attack 3: Megallodon.
Gotta set it up first: Movie is going along normal (although highly cheesy). This guy and girl met a bit ago and are getting along pretty well. (This movie is NOT a porno either)

Then the guy pulls out the smoothest pickup line ever:

"I'm tired, but I'm really wired .. what do you say I come over and eat out your pussy?"

Cut to softcore porn scene

[Turkish]

"Would you give it a rest??"
"I'm making.....a birdhouse"

[bugstud]

everything from the fifth element

[morgan180]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR JESUS, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.

[jkkkk]

The god awful film that is 'ThE deViLs ReJecTs' has one moment of ingenuous comedy;




'Now ya'll ain't planning on [censored]' these chickens are ya?'

'What the [censored] are you getting at? Do you [censored] chickens? '

'Well, I thought about [censored]' some chickens before… If you want a good time and you need some pussy… You just cut that chicken's head off, stick your dick in the ass of that chicken, and that damn chicken'll go crazy on your ass and go "Waaaaah".'

'You're saying I would cut off a chicken's head… Stick my dick in it… [censored] it.. .And go "Aah"? You accuse me of [censored] a chicken, motherfucker?'

'I'm not callin' you a chicken fucker but… that boy over there looks sexually frustrated, and I don't approve, of chicken [censored].'

[jacki]

From Leaving Las Vegas (definitely not a comedy)

Ben Sanderson: Look at me... I'm a prickly pear!

[technologic]

rounders

grama: i consolidated your outstanding debt.

worm: where'd you get the scratch for that? you've been rolling fags in the village again haven't you.

[RRRRICK]

'Ah... so what you gonna tell us, tough guy?'. I said 'my usual, zero, nothing! Why tell you? What da [censored]!'. He said 'no, you gonna tell me something today, tough guy'. I said 'all right, I'll tell ya something: go [censored] your mother!'.

'What you wanna tell me now, tough guy?'. I said 'ming! What you doin' here? I thought I told ya to go [censored] your mother!' Ha-ha-ha!!!... I thought he was gonna [censored]!



"...you wanna laugh...last week this prick asked me to christen his kid...yeah...eight
grand I charge."

[Talk2BigSteve]

"Are you winking at me?"

"No, sir."

"Are you eye-[censored] me?"

"Negative, sir."

"You want to [censored] your drill instructor? You want to smoke is pole?"

"No, sir!"

"If I catch you winking at ms again, I'm going to gouge your eyes out and skullfuck you!"

"Yes, sir!"


Big Steve [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[meleader2]

[ QUOTE ]
[ QUOTE ]
endless quotes from this movie, even though it's a satire (not really a comedy):

"Get down on your knees so Sabrina can see your ass"

"Varda truffle? I don't want you to get drunk, but uh, that's a very fine chardonnay you're not drinking"

"I'm into, oh geez, Murders and Executions mostly.
Do you like it?
Well that depends. Why?
Most guys I know...who are into Mergers and Acquisitions...really don't like it."

"I see they've omitted the pork loin with lime jello."

"Mistletoe alert"

[/ QUOTE ]



reading that (and the 2000 other deadpan one-liners) is so much better than the movie. Do yourself a favor and read the book if you haven't. End shameless Bret Easton Ellis plug.

[/ QUOTE ]

i already read the book.
twice.
i've read all his works (including his new one a week ago Lunar Park that just came out) except for the informers. trying to appeal to the masses and you always get a screwball.

here you go:

"Hip," I murmur, remembering last night, how I lost it completely in a stall at Nell's--my mouth foaming, all I could think about were insects, lots of insects, and running at pigeons, foaming at the mouth and running at pigeons.