Explaining Poker to a Non-Playing Girlfriend/Wife

[mosquito]

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One other thing that I'll mention -

if you quit playing FOR her and she knows that's why you quit playing - trust me on this one - it will not bode well for the future of your relationship.

The fact is, while you think it will help because it will no longer be a source of discourse between the two of you, she will at the same time lose respect for you for caving in. Women do not stay with men they do not respect.

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Word.

[AlphaWice]

This is true. This is just some bullshit [censored] test. The way to handle shittests is to stop talking to her logically, engage her emotional brain, then [censored] her brains out.

[bkholdem]

I live with my girlfriend and she hates poker. I also play A LOT more than you. She hated it when I used to go to the casino 1 or 2 days on the weekend. She hated it when I did this plus play online. She hates it now that we live together and I am on the computer all the time.

I talk the profitablility angle but she would prefer I get a 'normal' second job.

She is not interested in learning about the game.

What I did a while back is talk about how she has interests and activities she enjoys (in her case it's socializing with family and friends) and since I respect her..bla bla... my interest/hobby is poker and I want the same respect.

She is less intolerant of it now.

Many people just don't grasp the 'gambling with a positive expectation because it involves skill' with respect to poker. They liken it to the guy who goes to the race track and bets on horses and has 'a system that wins' (i.e. he's a gambler who looses and lying to himself and others that he wins and has a system that is profitable). So many people just view it this way, I can see it clear as day on their face as I explain the matter to them. I no longer feel the 'need' to explain this to people and especially convince them of this. Live and let live. Let them have their views it isn't are job to change them.

I don't know to what degree your girlfriend holds this view (I think there is a whole range). The deeper her view is along these lines the harder it is going to be for you.

There is no easy answer. One thing you could do is give her a piece of your action for free (say 5-10%) and put the cash in her hand at the end of the month. This should counter act the 'he's just on a streak but gamblers loose' issue if she has it.

Sometimes my girlfriend still bitches me out. Just treat it like some schmuck trying to put you on tilt...it's like practice for your game.. lol

If she thinks attention to the computer is maladaptive she has a point. Scientists working alone in labs have the same kind of issue. It's kind of anti social behavior. People have different comfort levels and tolerance levels about this. Some social outgoing people who could not stand doing a solitary activity find harmony and balance being in a relationship with a partner who is on the other end of the spectrum. Others find it intolerable.

Well those are a few thoughts anyway.

I got the most milage with the 'it's my hobby, I respect your hobbies/interests and support that...you do the same biotch'

[bkholdem]

Or you could just call her a "playa hata"

"don't hate the playa hate the game"

[bkholdem]

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This is true. This is just some bullshit [censored] test. The way to handle shittests is to stop talking to her logically, engage her emotional brain, then [censored] her brains out.

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a fastseduction guy huh?

[MLerra]

I'll be honest, I think it's a really bad idea to play the profitability angle.

1) If you have a bad week or month, and you will, it will be a major pain. Think of how long it takes a poker player to learn to see the "long term". Your fiancee will likely take ten times as long as you, if she ever does, to see this "long-term" and be perfectly OK with you having running bad for a little while. It's bad enough to catch cold cards, but it's really bad when your support is not really supporting you, but giving you a hard time about it instead.

2) If you're effectively paying her off to accept your hobby... you might want to ditch her for a non-prostitute. Call it a pet peeve of mine, but WTF. If your fiancee, of all people, can't be happy that you enjoy your hobby... and won't be happy for you unless you're always winning and buying her stuff... you've got yourself not much more than a prostitute.

[TStoneMBD]

i didnt read any other replies, but here are my thoughts.

tell her that its an enjoyable hobby for you and that you have no intention quitting unless you start losing.

tell her that poker is a gain mainly of skill and that you enjoy the idea of trying to master something if this is an incentive for you.

dude its your life. play poker if you want to play poker. your girlfriend has no business trying to take hobbies away from you. if she cant understand why you like poker, what good is she?

[Buck_65]

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I'm considering stopping online poker b/c my fiancee is unnerved by it. Two things she cited recently about online poker that really struck a chord with me:

1 - online poker is a huge turn off (it means being alone, in front of a computer screen, for multiple hours, during my time off from work, when it's sunny and warm outside; she imagines me turning into a fat, pasty, pale, gamer-type with a pony tail and a 32 oz Pepsi with him at all times)

2 - she's embarrased to tell her friends that I play poker online (i.e., that I "gamble" in my spare time).

Now, I never sacrfice our time together when she's around. I always stand up from the computer when she arrives at my place. I play when she's not around or early morning/late night on the weekend when she's sleeping. I play maybe 10 hours a week. I have described the game to her and how I play it and study it maybe 23 times. I have my PT stats on hand to show my profitability. It is not a matter of making money for her, it's just that I gamble. She'd rather I spend my spare time doing something "healthier." She says that she can learn to accept it eventually, but I don't think she will. I'd rather have her in my life than online poker, because I'm not a complete idiot, but this totally sucks.

This is the second time I posted on this -- who else has run into a similar problem and how do you/did you handle it?

Thanks in advance for all advice that includes the sentiment "just dump the biatch, yo"

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If she has this much of a problem with poker and you go along with it by not playing around her, don't you think she'll take this as a message that she can be a bitch about a lot of things she wants to change about you?

No offense, but it sounds like she's the one with the underlying power in the relationship. The women in my life find poker exciting.

I honestly think the problem here is that you've given up too much power in the relationship. She really ought to have come around to the idea by now that you play some poker in your free time. If she can't handle the fact that you have a hobby, then dump the biatch, yo!

[Buck_65]

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That's generally advice I'd give to any poker player, but only because it's evolutionarily +EV if the average poker player never gets the opportunity to spawn.

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Incorrect, sir. It is +EV in terms of dollars for the poker player to live in solitude, but very -EV in terms of what life is really all about: happiness

[spy587]

Like many other people the problem isn't one that will immediately go away if you give up poker. It will lay low for a while, and then when you decide you like to draw she'll ask why you aren't doing anything useful, play an instrument, no its too much noise.

If she can't accept you for you including your hobbies you need to either make her understand, preferably without bribery, or get rid of her or else SHE WILL OWN YOU