Losing At Love And Poker. **LAST EVER POST** - Page 3

USGrant · #21 05-09-2005, 04:12 PM

Dr. S: I am a big fan of your writing and I respect you for addressing issues of addiction that many poker writers will not take on because, basically, it is bad business to discourage/offer words of wisdom to the community of addicted Tilters out there, whose numbers are growing every day. That said, I think the title of your upcoming article "Taking Poker Too Serously" is just not "serious" enough. What we're really talking about with the plight of the OP and thousands of others is not "taking something too seriously" but being helplessly addicted to gambling. 2+2 and your other employer Card Player magazine won't print the word "addiction," will they? I don't think I've ever seen an article in CardPlayer with the words "Poker Addiction," or something like it in the title.

With 2+2, my point (to Malmuth, Sklansky & Co.) is that there should be a dedicated forum to Addiction and now (regretably for me) a dedicated forum for Theology. Why on earth we should have a Theology forum on this great, amazing discussion board for Poker that is 2+2 is beyond me, but that's an issue for D. Sklansky to answer. The Psychology forum is good, but apparently the subject title Psychology is just too broad and as a result tangential topics like theology creep in and crucial subjects like addiction and tilt-prevention are lost in the shuffle.

stlip · #22 05-09-2005, 04:59 PM

I lost a love almost 30 years ago and poker playing (I was making a living in Calif. B&M card rooms, which meant working nights and weekends) was a part of the whole complicated story of how we drifted apart.

I ached for years. Then, when I was ready I found an unbelievable woman. We've been married 15 years, have three beautiful children and happiness beyond any lucky streak I ever would have imagined could be possible.

I learned a valuable lesson from my loss way back when that helped me win when it really counted. I've never made the mistake I did when I was younger of taking this magical relationship even a little bit for granted for even one day.

beset7 · #23 05-09-2005, 05:10 PM

Al,

Good luck. I really appreciate you taking the time to share your decision with the community here.

I am currently taking an extended break from gambling myself in order to sort out were it fits in my life. I am currently in Law School. The first two semesters, I was at the very top of my class (4.2 GPA) with a bright future and 6 figure job waiting for me at the end of the line. My poker playing has gradually escalated to the point were I began to neglect my responsabilities here at school. Now, I'm in the middle of finals for this semester and I just can't help but feel this tightness in my gut, knowing I am not as prepared as I was for previous exams because I was too busy playing poker.

I'm not sure if I am a gambling addict as it doesn't appear to be compulsive (I start and stop at will, I'm a winning player, i exhibit good bankroll management, etc), I just take things so seriously, a very driven obsessive personality. It's just a game afterall, it's not worth sacrificing my future.

I wish you luck and I hope you've made the right choice for yourself, Al.

Little Fishy · #24 05-09-2005, 07:36 PM

[ QUOTE ]
get the feeling it wasn't actually poker... What if you had never peaked at hole cards in your life...but instead went out with your buddies, then she'd complain that once you chose your friends over her.

[/ QUOTE ]

I don't think you're nec making the right analysis poker can be very addicting on many different levels, adn just as alcohol or drug addictions can tear people apart so can poker

Al Schoonmaker · #25 05-09-2005, 07:47 PM

You wrote: "2+2 and your other employer Card Player magazine won't print the word "addiction," will they?"

That word is certainly in my article. So is "pathological gambling." In fact, there is a whole section titled: "Doubts about Mental Health."

I must add that my next "Card Player" series is titled, "Would you bust your own grandmother?" Among other issues it discusses whether it is OK to bust gambling addicts, and it quotes from 2+2 threads on that subject.

I don't think we need a separate forum for addiction. On May 5 I found six threads and 132 replies on taking poker too seriously. All six threads are quoted in my article. Not all of them related directly to addiction, but it was mentioned by many original posters or people who replied to them.

We are not as oblivious or calloused as you may think. We realize that addiction is a problem, and that it is not in anyone's interest to pretend it does not exist.

Regards,

Al

PokerProdigy · #26 05-09-2005, 11:30 PM

I hope you're not just giving up poker because of a woman. If you like/love poker than you should continue to play. But if you feel like you're addicted and do not really enjoy playing poker, thats a different story.

Anyways, good luck on whatever you choose to do.

PokerProdigy · #27 05-09-2005, 11:31 PM

[ QUOTE ]
Women come and go. Poker is forever. Prioritize.

[/ QUOTE ]

LOL [img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

Lawrence Ng · #28 05-10-2005, 03:22 AM

Mirpuri,

One of my very first posts on 2+2 sounded so much like yours. I have lost 2 girlfriends over what I believed to be a poker problem, when in fact poker was perhaps only a minor reason that led to my break ups.

It is extremely easy to mix the two together. It is extremely easy to put the blame on poker because you are being emotionally blinded. Your heart feels like it's been constantly jabbed at and sometimes you feel like ripping it out. It hurts, I know it really really hurts.

In time, you will realize that personality differences, goals, and the fact that the both of you were too different to be together were reasons for your break up.

None of this will sense to you now. I know all too well the pain you go through and to this day I still feel it because after 1.5 years of breaking up with my last x, I still feel the jabs in the heart as my love for her continues.

Take a nice long break Al. Time will help be more objective. Continue to do things you would have done without her.

I have to agree with Josh and that is be happy for her. If you love her, you MUST be happy for her to know that she is content with her life, even if it means it will never be with you.

Take care bud...stay strong.

Lawrence

bernie · #29 05-10-2005, 03:53 AM

Good luck wherever you end up.

I hope you have a great journey to wherever you go.

b

USGrant · #30 05-10-2005, 08:32 AM

Ok Dr. S., I apologize for hinting that you are evading the issue. You clearly are not, and you serve an important role in the poker community.

I still would like to see CardPlayer, 2+2 and others address the issue more prominently however, and I do think there should be an addiction forum on 2+2.