am i obligated to restock mom's BF's beer?

[Bluffoon]

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so, my mother has a serious boyfriend. fiance would be a more appropriate term.

i go visit, i drink his beer. i often drink alot.

he makes blah money it seems and my mother does extremely well.

am i obligated by social convention to resupply what i've drank? what if i often drink them all? i would do this for a friend but dont see the necessity here.

i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married, he can just live with always being out of beer after i leave.

any thoughts?

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If I am invited to somebody's house I usually don't show up empty handed. You don't have to replace his beer but it would be nice to bring something, some snacks or a bottle of wine or a six pack, something that you know the host likes to show your appreciation as a guest in their home.

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Dude he's going to his mom's house. I don't need to bring a cake when I visit my mom. I don't think anyone should feel the need to. Besides your mom makes all the dough and probably does the grocery shopping so [censored] the fiance. Drink up Lad.

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Its not clear that he is going to his mom's house but when I go visit my mom i usually bring something. She likes candy.

[Bluffoon]

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i would do this for a friend but dont see the necessity here.

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I guess its always easier to steal from a stranger (or acquaintance, in this case) than a friend.

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he makes blah money it seems and my mother does extremely well.

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I guess theft is ok as long as the victims aren't poor.

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i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married, he can just live with always being out of beer after i leave

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I guess this sort of passive-aggressive revenge is ok if you don't want to face directly your own issues regarding a man other than your father penetrating your mother.

OK, so that's a bit hyperbolic, but seriously, I don't get why you'd do this unless you're just a prick, plain and simple. The OP made no mention of the mother-fucker saying, "Go ahead and have some beer, don't worry about it," so I think taking some uninvited is bad enough. Throw in this strange, petty revenge thing you've got going on, and you just seem like a bad person.

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yours is a strangly negative post. theft? passive aggressive revenge? seems a bit strong. i dont think im drinking his beer out of revenge. i'm treating my mothers house (where i have previously lived) as my home. my question is simply what people think of not restocking or bringing my own since the beers are clearly bought by him.

also, he never gave me even a friendly heads up that he was going to ask my mother to marry him. granted i live 2.5 hours away so its not like i see them everyday, but i think this is a classless move. i dont think its a huge faux pas, but just a littler classless. it probably should be considered a worse misstep then it is in this day and age, but that's for a different discussion. i feel it is appropriate to always discuss these things with the eldest male adult in the family.

the point being, if he has show a lack of consideration in the past, i feel less bad about taking the worse line of a borderline social situation.

do i really need to bring food/wine to my family's house when i visit? that seems a little formal to me.

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You may not realize it but you have a lot of issues you need to resolve with the whole situation. And no you don't have to bring anything, but it would be nice. They dont have to offer you anything when you go either but I am sure they do. Or maybe they dont and you just take it like you are entitled to it.

[RunDownHouse]

I don't have a psych degree either. But that was the point, right?

Maybe your tone just came off as something completely different than what you intended, but I think if you read your posts you'll see how people could get the impression that you really wanted to stick it to this guy for not getting your blessing on the relationship.

I agree with you in that I'll discuss things with my girlfriend's father when we're ready to marry. It just seems right. But if she had a grown son, and I myself was 40 or 50, I would feel in no way obligated to get her son's permission.

Whether its "Italian" or whatever, I don't know, but I think your insistence that your mother is yours to give away, with all that implies - especially since you seem traditional about it - is kind of creepy.

[Bluffoon]

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i guess im no pysc major. i dont see whats passive aggressive about treating people differently based on how they treat you. maybe that's the definition? i think its the revenge part of your equation that i take issue with. i dont see this as revenge. i dont think consuming $5 worth of beverages every now and then getting even with someone.

im not adamante about anything here. clearly whether he's family or not, people on this board have differing opinions about this. clearly if he is my father there is not much to discuss. and incidenlty, i dont dislike the guy at all. im just posting something about a social situation. i find it interesting how people react to social situations. i thought this was a light and sort of interesting situation others may have experienced kinda along the sienfeld vain. surely if i've got a serious problem, im not bringing it to OOT for resolution.

i cant believe that noone here thinks its inappropriate for a man to ask a woman to marry him and not first consult with the eldest male in the family. it doesnt matter if that person is the son or an uncle, brother or cousin. maybe its an italian family thing, but i think it has more to do with who has class and who doesnt.

for the record, anyone who asks a woman to marry them and doesnt consult with the father first is a chump. i can see disagreements about son, uncle type situations but unless the father is estranged, this is absolutely mandatory.

i guess im old school passive aggressive style.

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I never asked anyone for permission to marry and I never would. I am a grown man and I don't need and I am not asking anyone permission for anything I choose to do. And I am Italian.

[Blarg]

You're mixing up questions of right and wrong with things they have nothing to do with.

Right and wrong = you replace what you take. Anything else is simply being dishonest and is clearly wrong.

Relationship stuff doesn't enter into it and couldn't be less relevant.

I would suggest that not doing the right thing, then coming up with excuses for it, illustrates that you know what you're doing is the wrong thing but seek to justify doing th wrong thing anyway. That could be because you are a beer guzzling slob or an outright booze degenerate, but it's probably not.

It looks to me like you have problems with the guy being with your mom and are basically being sort of passive-aggressive with him. Maybe you're trying to goad him into an argument over it so you can make him look petty in front of your mom, or just because you want to pick a fight with him? So maybe it's more aggressive than passive-aggressive.

At any rate, you're purposely creating friction, and doing it in a relationship that's one of the most central ones in your mom's life. Face it, once you move out, it will BE the most central one in your mom's life, as you can't live at home, or at least hang around it all the time, forever.

I'm not saying it's not a normal feeling to want to throw a wrench into your mom's relationship with any guy, no matter how cool he is, but it's probably not productive. And it may be hurtful. It's not the guy's fault he loves your mom, after all. It's not the guy's fault your mom may have X amount of cash or whatever, either. So why punish him for either one?

Worse yet, you're punishing your mom if you're looking for ways to act out and subtly or not so subtly inject hostility into your relationship with the guy. Being protective of your mom and worrying about here are not the same as finding ways to go against the guy or get under his skin. You don't deserve a free ride on the guy's back just because you're your mom's kid.

Maybe it's time you grew up a little and behaved like an adult to the guy instead of a petulant, maybe possessive kid. Do it for your mom. Forget yourself. She won't. But she'll be so much happier if you're on her side instead of against his side. Unless he's really a crummy guy, you'll probably have to choose one or the other of those two outlooks. So decide if you want to be against him, or for her.

By the way, f_ck the beer.

[The once and future king]

Obviously there are rules governing the inter relations between men and beer.

The convention held up by true men in this circumstance is that you are only obligated to re-stock his beer if he is porking your mom up the ass. If not he is not a real man and you are in fact obligated to drink as much as his beer as possible in the hope that this will motivate him to grow a pair and start pile driving your mom analy.

[Blarg]

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seriously, just drink the goddamn beer.

these clowns telling you to bring gifts dont have a clue

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They're adults, rather than children.

[Blarg]

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There are at least two totally legit reasons he wouldn't give you a head's up here:

A) You two aren't on good terms (the existance of this thread being a clue...)

B) He figures you for a blabermouth and he was looking to surprise your mom.

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Also, he's a kid. Whoever heard of an adult asking a kid for permission to marry someone? Unless the kid is maybe the King of Siam or something.

Otherwise, it's the other way around, and a little antiquated even that way. Full grown adults don't ask kids permission to marry -- even kids old enough to run over to the house and guzzle beer.

[bernie]

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Or maybe they dont and you just take it like you are entitled to it

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Isn't this implied not only in the original post, but also in his rebuttles to responses?

b

[Shajen]

Do you like the guy?

If so, bring over a 12er from time to time. If you don't, continue to do what you are doing, I guess.

Seems pretty simple. I dunno about the rest of this stuff these guys are talking about.