Confronting a Bulimic Acquaintance

[BOTW]

Nope. I hate this idea.

You obviously care, and it is ok to show this. Don't be overbearing with it. Let her know that it is you and that it is you who care. Stop there. It is already awkward as hell. She already knows people know. She knows. She knows or fears you know. Just be there and let her know that you are there. Don't press. Don't shy away from facts. Be the rational in her world of chaos.

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
I've been thinking about this. I like, for now, the idea of contacting her anonymously. It seems like a good solution that I don't think is plagued by any of the cons I considered before. I'd like to discuss it further.

1) Familiarity. If she won't know it's me she won't decide if I'm crossing a social barrier or whatever. I still may be but if I am it wouldn't affect her reaction.

2) Similarly even if other people have contacted her, the anonymity would prevent an awkward social situaion for everyone involved.

3) Even if she totally ignores it, it's at worst 0EV

4) Email or snail mail are the perfect mediums for anonymous contact.

There are some downfalls. First, it's easy to just throw away/ignore something written anonymously. It's way easier to ignore an unknown rather than a person waiting for a response. Second, I don't generally like doing things anonymously, I think that in most cases if you have something to important to say you should say it without shame or fear and take credit for it. If we assume I've decided to say something (which I haven't for sure) what are your thoughts on anon vs. not?

[/ QUOTE ]

I hate to sound mean, but you really have made this issue about you, rather than about her. Indeed, the seeming advantages to your contacting her anonymously appear to be so that you can minimize your own awkwardness either during or after this contact, not to increase the likelihood that she will get better.

In addition, I am a bit confused about why you are so intent on prying into the life of a person who is only an acquaintence? The fact that you have witnessed firsthand the effects of eating disorders doesn't give you:

1) the right to confront this woman
2) the relationship foundation to pry
3) the skills to actually know how to best help her.

I'm sorry if this all sounds harsh, but I know from my professional work that bulemics are extremely secretive about their behaviors, and rather defensive about the self-destructiveness of their actions. Consequently, I don't think that attempting to force a conversation with her about such a personal issue so that you can satisfy your own needs to be a rescuer is going to help her.

[The Dude]

[ QUOTE ]
The fact that you have witnessed firsthand the effects of eating disorders doesn't give you:

1) the right to confront this woman
2) the relationship foundation to pry
3) the skills to actually know how to best help her.


[/ QUOTE ] Caring enough to say something, even (epsecially?) if the person is a relative stranger, is a good thing.

[whiskeytown]

this sounds super great if you can release yourself from the guilt that not saying anything will bring upon yourself if she dies....

I'd have a hard time with that myself - if I try, what happens? - Worst case, I lose a friend - not a very good one - but then at least I can be at peace with myself -

that is, if I were in that spot...

RB

[Jman28]

[ QUOTE ]
The fact that you have witnessed firsthand the effects of eating disorders doesn't give you:

1) the right to confront this woman
2) the relationship foundation to pry
3) the skills to actually know how to best help her.

I'm sorry if this all sounds harsh, but I know from my professional work that bulemics are extremely secretive about their behaviors, and rather defensive about the self-destructiveness of their actions. Consequently, I don't think that attempting to force a conversation with her about such a personal issue so that you can satisfy your own needs to be a rescuer is going to help her.

[/ QUOTE ]

What is your professional work, and how do you think it would be better for him to do nothing?

[chesspain]

[ QUOTE ]
this sounds super great if you can release yourself from the guilt that not saying anything will bring upon yourself if she dies....

I'd have a hard time with that myself - if I try, what happens? - Worst case, I lose a friend - not a very good one - but then at least I can be at peace with myself -

that is, if I were in that spot...

RB

[/ QUOTE ]

Cutting through the melodrama, I'll ask whether you (or the OP) feel compelled to confront acquaintences with serious alcohol or drug problems, who themselves may also be at high risk for premature death. And if you don't, then how "do you release yourself from the guilt that not saying anything will bring upon yourself if she dies?"

I still contend that regardless of how caring the OP may feel, this entire thread is really more about his own feelings of helplessness with respect to rescuing than it is about this acquaintence.

[TheCroShow]

chesspain speaks the truth