Should I force my Mom's Hand????

[SossMan]

she is a perfect candidate for a reverse mortgage.

The good news: You are already going to hell, so treating your mother badly can't hurt you. [img]/images/graemlins/shocked.gif[/img] [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

Your mother is basically broke. If she owes more than the house is worth, then it would be tough to sell, having to come up with the difference. She really isn't selling, just moving.
If you do move out, how will she live? Will you still have to pay her bills in a new place? Is she capable of supporting herself? if she were out of debt (bankruptcy)? The point is that just moving out of the house may not change anything.

At some point you need to do what is right for you. Can you get here to talk to someone (doctor, grief counselor, minister) to get her to move on emotionally? While being supportive is good, there is a point where it becomes dependence. That isn't fair to you.

And you definitly need to talk to your siblings to get them to chip in financially and to support that you aren't the permanent solution, just a temporary one.
If you decide that you need to move out, set a date and go. Tell your mom to call them if she needs help.

And what is it with gay guys and their mothers? [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[Argus]

</font><blockquote><font class="small">En réponse à:</font><hr />
You have to tell your mom you love her but as long as your paying the bills you are allowed to bring cock back home with you.

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This is the best advice I've seen in this thread. You're in a real tough spot, and I don't know the relationship you have with your mother, but something has to change. It sounds like moving out would really hurt her financially and perhaps leave her unable to get by.

Since giving up your life for an old lady's is just as terrible as kicking your mom out onto the street, you have to sit down and tell your mom that since you pay all the bills you can live as if it is your house. Give her an ultimatum, and hope she chooses whatever will make her happiest.

[steelcmg]

Since u said the house is suppose to be split 3 ways when ur mom dies i think it ends up being a pretty easy call then. I dont know ur brother or sister but im about 90% sure they will turn into back stabers when it comes down to it and the money will seem very nice. So i would have to move out or force your mom to put the house in ur name or get ur bro and sis to contribute. Im only saying this about when ur mom dies from experice. I have seen this happen alot and it can really screw families up. Money really is the rude of all evil.

[dcasper70]

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the house is to be sold and the profit split 3 ways between me, my brother, and my sister. Yet I am the only one contribution anything.

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2 options:

1) You need to document all your monetary contributions to the house. When the house is sold, you can recoup those expenses prior to the remainder being split with your siblings. Hopefully, they aren't selfish pricks, but even then, a good lawyer can get you most of your money back.
I would suggest making your payments directly to the bank, by check, with acct # in the memo line. I'm assuming you already do this, but in case you don't, start!

2)

[steelcmg]

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the house is to be sold and the profit split 3 ways between me, my brother, and my sister. Yet I am the only one contribution anything.

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2 options:

1) You need to document all your monetary contributions to the house. When the house is sold, you can recoup those expenses prior to the remainder being split with your siblings. Hopefully, they aren't selfish pricks, but even then, a good lawyer can get you most of your money back.
I would suggest making your payments directly to the bank, by check, with acct # in the memo line. I'm assuming you already do this, but in case you don't, start!

2)


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I choose 2 much more fun.

[jakethebake]

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Since u said the house is suppose to be split 3 ways when ur mom dies i think it ends up being a pretty easy call then. I dont know ur brother or sister but im about 90% sure they will turn into back stabers when it comes down to it and the money will seem very nice. So i would have to move out or force your mom to put the house in ur name or get ur bro and sis to contribute. Im only saying this about when ur mom dies from experice. I have seen this happen alot and it can really screw families up. Money really is the rude of all evil.

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This is a very good answer actually. If you're paying for the house, then it should be yours. Otherwise you're just giving the money to your siblings.

[4_2_it]

Cross-post this in the psychology forum. Most of the good posters there don't frequent OOT. I think you will get some useful, thoughtful advice.

I think what are doing is commendable, but your mother needs grief counseling so both of you can on with the rest of your lives.

Good Luck.

[jaydub]

Worry less about the house situation than your relationship with your mother. Two things stand out to me, one she is taking advantage of you and two she is not accepting of your chosen lifestyle. Now I have lived in the south and have several close friends from MS so I can understand #2 to some degree but still, you must resolve the issue.

After that you can worry about the financial issues however I suspect that resolving the relationship issues will largely resolve the financial ones. Didn't you just quit your job or am I thinking of someone else?

[HopeydaFish]

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get drunk and call her

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At least you didn't go with "SIIHP". Thank god for small mercies.

My advice to BigSteve is that he needs to get his name on that deed. Give her an ultimatum -- either she hands over the house to him so that he's not getting *totally* hosed, or he moves out and she loses the house anyway. She doesn't have any power in this situation -- except for emotional blackmail, which is what is obviously going on here.