Favorite Simpsons Quotes

[David Steele]

Mr Burns:

(On Homer's telemarketing scam)
Burns: One dollar for eternal happiness. I'd be happier with the dollar.

also

lots of Sideshow bob e.g.:

Bob: How ironic. My crusade against television has come to an end so formulaic, it could have spewed from the PowerBook of the laziest Hollywood hack.

[Eclypse]

Homer and Lenny are standing on the platform of a burning oil derrick surrounded by roaring flames:

HOMER: Ah! This is where Faceless Joe lost his legs!

[sfer]

Monorail! MONORAIL! MONORAIL!!!!

Mono- D'OH!

[elwoodblues]

(Homer driving after hitting a metal deer)


Homer: D'oh
Lisa: A deer
Marge: A female deer

[Cptkernow]

"Kernow iys Vicken." Lisa Simpson.

This is Cornish for: "long live Cornwall."

Lisa hasnt said this yet. But if you lived in Cornwall you will know that shes going to.

[TylerD]

Mr. Burns (Golfing with Homer): Use an
open-faced club! A sand wedge!
Homer: Mmmmm... open-faced club sandwich.

[ArchAngel71857]

Lisa's Valentine to Ralph -
It says "Choo-Choo-Choose Me!" . . . .And it's a picture
picture of a train.

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From Third Halloween Episode

Chinese Shop Owner: Beware! The doll carries with it a terrible curse!

Homer: That's bad.

Shop Owner: But it comes with a free Frogurt!

Homer: That's good.

Shop Owner: The Frogurt is also cursed!

Homer: That's bad.

Shop Owner: But you get your choice of topping!

Homer: That's good!

Shop Owner: The topping contains Potassium Benzoate.

Homer: . . . .

Shop Owner: That's bad.

Homer: Can I go now?

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The Mr. Sparkle Commercial
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Flanders: Homer, didn't you use to have a snow plow?

Homer (wearing the Mr. Plow jacket): Flanders I think I know my own life!

Flanders: Homer you're wearing the jacket!

Homer: Shut up, Flanders! <humming> "call Mr. Plow, that's my name, that name again is Mr. Plow."

(I apologize, I think I really misquoted that last one).
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Grampa Simpson: This took place back in nineteen dickety two. We had to use dickety because the Kaiser stole our word for twenty. I ran after him but gave up after dickety six miles.
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Mr. Smithers: As you know I wrote a musical about the Malibu Stacy doll.

Mr. Burns: A play about a doll??? Why not write a play about the common cat!? Or the King of Siam!?

Mr. Smithers: Right, well we got a playbill in a small theatre in New Mexico.

Mr. Burns: Whoa, slow down, maestro. There's a New Mexico?


-AA

[junkmail3]

Ralphie = laughing till it hurts (LTIH?)

[smudgex68]

[ QUOTE ]
Homer: Uh... you have any sugar around here?
Scorpio: Sugar? Sure. [fumbles in his pockets, takes out a few handfuls of sugar] There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?
Homer: Uh... I... no.


[/ QUOTE ]

This is similar to the Blackadder Goes Forth sketch where Baldrick makes Blackadder a cappuccino:

"Froth sir?. Yes please Baldrick (Baldrick spits in the coffee)
Sugar sir?. Yes please (Baldrick rubs his hair so the dandruff goes in the coffee)
Cocao sir? - Blackadder - "Come to think of it Baldrick, I think I'll have a cup of tea"

[BonJoviJones]

Fat Tony bets, all fold to Homer.

Homer: "Can we make this High/Low?"

Fat Tony: "No"

Homer: "Fold"