have freind with drug problem... it's really scaring me. help? info? - Page 3

chesspain · #1 12-12-2005, 07:50 AM

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it's fine to post it here, but this is another one where the psych forum (which has actual psychologists in there somtimes) might have better answers.

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I saw this thread while waking up with my coffee this frosty Monday morning, so I'll give it a shot. Unfortunately, as others have stated, there isn't much that you can do. It is difficult enough to help and support an addict who wants to stay clean and sober; it is nearly impossible to help someone like your friend who is on a self-destructive binge-ride until they hit rock-bottom, which for some people is a truly scary place.

The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention," although I will be honest and state that I know little about how to do this. I would assume that there must be websites and/or books for how to try to attempt this. However, you would want to try to talk to her when she is not wasted--which may be quite a challenge it itself.

Short of attempting to convince her to get clean and sober, which is definately no better than a two outer, I would advise the OP to focus more on taking care of herself. Meaning, if the friend is a roommate (this wasn't clear from the post), try to take immediate action so that you are no longer living together, so that her lifestyle doesn't endanger you by the friends she keeps. Otherwise, I would just tell the OP to remind himself that there is little that he (she?) can do to help. Indeed, it is extremely painful to watch addicts spiral downwards into the abyss, especially when it is nearly impossible to help. It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time. You can be there to assist her if and when she asks for genuine help. Otherwise, just say a prayer and hope for the best.

Sincerely,

Dr. chesspain

bholdr · #2 12-12-2005, 08:20 AM

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I would advise the OP to focus more on taking care of himself.

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I'm covered; it's not really an issue in this particular situation. (FYP)

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It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time.

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I have the right to walk away, sure... I'm won't, though.

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Otherwise, I would just tell the OP to remind himself that there is little that he (she?) can do to help. Indeed, it is extremely painful to watch addicts spiral downwards into the abyss, especially when it is nearly impossible to help.

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i aggree with you, but, man, that really sucks, huh?

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Sincerely,

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thanks. -B

chesspain · #3 12-12-2005, 03:16 PM

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It is OK to realize that you have the right to emotionally divest yourself from her at this time.

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I have the right to walk away, sure... I'm won't, though.

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Emotionally divesting yourself is not the same as walking away. The former simply means that you accept that you have no control over her behavior, and you begin training yourself to not be emotionally affected by it. However, you can still be her friend--although when you get down to it, it is very difficult to be in a real friendship with someone living your friend's lifestyle.

eviljeff · #4 12-12-2005, 11:58 AM

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The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention,"

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errr, I dunno dude. I've heard (and it seems reasonable) that interventions have a very low success rate and they're actually more so that the intervenors can feel like they've done all they can. I really can't imagine this girl reacting positively to an intervention after what happened when OP confronted her last time.

chesspain · #5 12-12-2005, 03:11 PM

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The OP's best bet would likely be some type of "intervention,"

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errr, I dunno dude. I've heard (and it seems reasonable) that interventions have a very low success rate and they're actually more so that the intervenors can feel like they've done all they can. I really can't imagine this girl reacting positively to an intervention after what happened when OP confronted her last time.

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I never said I thought that an "intervention" would be successful--just possibly the OP's best bet for trying to shake some sense into her. And "intervention" does not have to be anything more formal than the OP (and maybe one or two other friends) having a straight talk with the addict about their care and concern for her well-being.

bwana devil · #6 12-12-2005, 11:44 AM

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it's fine to post it here, but this is another one where the psych forum (which has actual psychologists in there somtimes) might have better answers.

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it always bugs me when people post these type of things in the pysch forum. the psych forum is under the header "general gambling" so it should be reserved for psychological issues related specifically to gambling.

just one man's opinion,

bwana

bholdr · #7 12-12-2005, 04:29 AM

Thanks to all the serious responses. a quickie reply:

-not gonna call the cops unles i think she's in imminent danger.

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The problem with this is that "bottom" is very subjective. Some people can start noticing that they are spending too much money and decide to quit, while others are on the streets, no teeth, and sucking cck, and still think it could be worse.

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bingo. lost job, freinds, savings, home, etc is bad... but sucking dick for drugs is worse... then there's death. she is low enough, imo, on the edge; at a fork in the road, one path leading onward, the other going nowhere or worse. *sighs*

for me rock bottom wasn't all that low, thanks to some very good freinds and an even more powerful addiction taking over (sking- crack and heroin all rolled into one for me). i want to be that freind, but don't know how.

anyone ever been present at an intervention?

craig r · #8 12-12-2005, 04:31 AM

Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

bholdr · #9 12-12-2005, 04:32 AM

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Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

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i'd rather lose a freind and save a life than watch a freind die, though... still not calling the fuzz.

craig r · #10 12-12-2005, 04:37 AM

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Good point about not calling the police on your friend. If you do that one time, your friend is finished with you. And most junkies don't trust others as it is.

craig

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i'd rather lose a freind and save a life than watch a freind die, though... still not calling the fuzz.

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I am not saying that losing a friend is your priority, but when the person wants to stop using, but has a hard time on her own, then you won't be there for her. There are lots of addicts who truly want to quit, but it is psychologically very tough.

craig