What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[willie]

[ QUOTE ]
I'm probably going to hell for laughing at this. I was just playing .25/.50 NL on Stars and, long story short, this guy who, like way too many people, uses a "cute baby" picture as his avatar, took a terrible beat and started going off on the guy who sucked out on him. He spent literally 5 minutes dishing out every insult imaginable while the other guy kept silent. Finally, after saying nothing for 5 minutes, the other guy simply types in the chat box, "I hope your baby dies of cancer."

I literally fell out of my chair laughing.

[/ QUOTE ]


man this is waaaay too funny


[img]/images/graemlins/grin.gif[/img]

[willie]

i think someone already said this here, but i was in a tourney, 30 buyin or somethin cheap.

6 handed at table
.25/.5 blinds
utg raises to 1.5
i reraise with AK suited to 3.0

everyone folds. We play the hand basically weak tight, i never hit a high card, just have a gutshot straight and fold ace high on the river.

whole table starts badgering me

"what was good enough for a 3 dollar raise before the first 3 cards came out? you didn't even know what the cards were?!" people got angry at me for reraising preflop to iso...ah well.

ugh, they were so bad, but playin a table full of calling stations is tough too.

[DeuceKicker]

Last night at the Bike, playing 2/4.

SB is worse than average; playing way too many hands, cold-calling flops with backdoor draws, etc... (he's also averaging more beers per hour than I am hands played per hour) but he's fun and is keeping the table light.

UTG+1 limps, then SB announces that he's been dealt three cards. SB calls for a misdeal while BB and UTG+1 say there can be no misdeal since someone has acted. After arguing for a while, the floorman is called over. He rules that SB's hand is dead and the hand will continue from there.

SB gets a tad upset that he payed $1 for a hand he can't play. He starts saying he should get his $1 back. He starts raising a little fuss and says, "Call the floor."

The dealer doesn't want the floor called over again (this would be the third time in two hands) so he looks at SB's mucked cards and quietly says, "You would have folded and lost that $1 anyway, you had 84."

Without missing a beat, SB says, "Have you seen me play?"

[Monkeyslacks]

My own personal favorite was uttered this last Thursday. I'm running well and playing well in a full Borgata 20/40. We're averaging seven to the flop for one bet and four to a showdown.

I get AKs in the cutoff and raise 3 limpers. Big Blind frustratedly says, "What's with this guy? He's always raising, he never calls!" His buddy next to him says, "You know, that's actually a pretty good strategy Dave." I win the pot and the next hand it's nine to the flop.

[junkmail3]

Live 3/6. I'm in seat three, new player in seat 6. I'm UTG with AA, I raise, seat 6 with others call. Long story short, she hits runner runner gutshot to crack my AA.

She flips over 97o and says, "I have a great story for that hand, so I have to play it all the time now."

She's then called over for the 5/10 game. ... I have to start playing 5/10.

[daryljobe777]

2/4 Canterbury, one horse owner after a racing day, who is getting drunk after a bad day at the track (one of his horses got DQ'ed), is on the idiot end of a floor decision regarding a mucked (or not) hand.

Man, to the floor, loudly: "Well that's the second time I got F**ked tonight!"

Floor, shocked at what he just heard: "What did you just say?!?!"

Man, even louder: "I SAID thats the second time I got F**KED tonight!"

Floor: "Sir, you can't use that language at the table."

Man: "Oh, sorry."

[crockett]

My favorites all from Limit Hold'em in a Casino.

"You sure do raise a lot!" (as in "You sure do raise often")

"I can't believe you raised the flop on just a flush draw"

It was an OE str8 flush draw after 6 six callers none the less.

And my all time favorite:

"Everytime you showdown it seems like you have a really good hand"

Yeah...it's my new strategy....

I learned to play Poker properly in reverse (on the internet first and then eventually started playing in live games). I have a really hard time adjusting to live play. The characters you run into, the things that are said, the way people play, etc. I have difficult time concentrating. Some nights it''s like going to the circus.

[JoshuaD]

I was at a private game, sitting next to a guy who seemed to be taking a really bad beating all night.

He turns to me "Man, I'm getting [censored] beat up here! I'm missin these flops, but I just can't lay it down pre. I mean, King two, Queen three, SUITED. You can't lay them down."

I could hardly keep a straight face.

[whiskeytown]

my fav. is when someone gives me [censored] for what is obviously a good play.

Like when I'm K7 suited in the BB - get in for free and flop 4 to the nut flush - catch on river after I bet turn and get c/r (usually with something like 9-1 pot odds) and he gives me a "nice river" comment as if I shouldn't go to the river with a free BB/4 to the nuts in a 5 way pot every time.

my other new fav. is the guys who don't raise with hands like AK or even AQ cause "I don't like to give away the strength of my hand" - nearly snapped one of the bums off two days ago.

RB

[shant]

9-18 at commerce, after my AA getting cracked, I'm down to 9 dollars. I see KTo UTG and throw the last 3 in. 4 others limp and the blinds call. The flop comes Q53 with two spades, and the small blinds bets out, the big blind raises, and everyone else folds to the sb who calls. turn is another Q, and the sb bets again, bb thinks a second and call, and I start to get up from my seat. River comes an 8, and the sb bets again. BB thinks a long time, then folds.

I smile to sb and say "you weren't possibly betting jack high the whole way were you?" and after the dealer ships him the side pot, he says, "take it" and shows 106 spades.

I went on to get my entire 300 back plus another 525 before leaving that night.