What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[miajag81]

I'm probably going to hell for laughing at this. I was just playing .25/.50 NL on Stars and, long story short, this guy who, like way too many people, uses a "cute baby" picture as his avatar, took a terrible beat and started going off on the guy who sucked out on him. He spent literally 5 minutes dishing out every insult imaginable while the other guy kept silent. Finally, after saying nothing for 5 minutes, the other guy simply types in the chat box, "I hope your baby dies of cancer."

I literally fell out of my chair laughing.

[jayrutz2]

no kids, huh? not funny

[Stork]

YES, it absolutely is funny. Stop trying to ruin my day by making me hate you.

[MrDannimal]

I don't get to the local B&M more than once a month (to my dismay), so when I go I try to play long sessions.

When I go through a dry spell of like 45-60 min without a face card, I'll shout "Holy crap! They have cards with pictures on them here!?" when someone near me tables paint.

While it probably doesn't happen all that often, it sure feels like it sometimes.

[plaster8]

$3-6 B&M, guy to my right is hammered and laughing, slapping me on the back, having a great time. (The whole table is having fun, because he's throwing off a lot of chips.)

Then the guy, out of the blue, says, "I once had sex with one of my nieces," and takes a swig of his beer. All activity (and I mean ALL activity) at the table stops. The players exchange very awkward looks.

Then the guy finishes his sentence -- "bridesmaids."

Much relief around the table. I was laughing so hard I cried.

-- Mike

[challenger84]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAAHHA

that guy is my hero.


But as to the subject at hand:

"I always chase clubs"

After hitting his runner runner flush with J4c after calling 3/4 of his stack off on the flop and turn with nothing but his runner runner draw.

[MrDannimal]

I have a 9 year old and I still laugh when I read that.

I'm sure it's not nearly as funny if you're the player at the butt-end (although if someone said that to me in that situation, where I'm not in the same room as them, I'd probably laugh silently and trump him back with "Yeah, me too"), but that can be said of a lot of humor (funny to a 3rd party, not funny to the guy on the butt-end).

[Holm Fries]

$6-12 game at Canterbury last weekend. This short, kinda nerdy looking guy wearing a purple hip pack is in the eight seat to my left. During the course of the night I three bet a real LAG 10-12 times. Everytime it was 3 bets to him he would look get real wide eyed, look at his cards and say in a real squeaky voice, "I am the weakest link, goodbye". By the end of the night I think the whole table was ready to vomit.

HF

[tommy2]

I was playing at 20-40 at Bay 101 a few months ago. A total drunk maniac (who is also a bit of a table coach) is reraising everybody every chance he gets. Of course, he is on one of those rolls where he keeps hitting, so he is getting bolder and bolder.

I have 99 and the flop is A9K, he has AK and we pound each other...the turn is a 9 (we pound each other for a while), and the river is an Ace.

After we pound each other heads up for a like 6 bets... he smugly tells me: "Buddy, we have the same hand, Ace full of Kings...why do you keep raising?"

I reply: "I like my kicker better"...the whole table laughs and he says: "Dude, kickers don't matter with a full house". I try to look as bewildered as possible as I reraise again and say: "I have a better kicker than you".

We do one more round of reraising, then finally he just calls and then throws his hand down and says in this patronizing tone: "man you are just wasting everyone's time, why don't you learn how to play right!"

I lay down my quads and say "I told you my kicker is better than yours". The whole table cheered. The look on his face was almost as wonderful as the fatty pot I scooped.

[Dominic]

Now THAT'S awesome!