Raising your kid to be a wuss

I enjoyed your posts. I too remember $50 rent and flea market furniture. In fact I still have flea market furniture. Only difference is I made a deal with a bank, I give them all my money for the next 30 yrs and in return I can say I own this dump.


Ed- living poor in Montana and enjoyed every bit of it.

I have noticed this myself. Of all my friends from high school, I am the only one who doesn't live at home. We are all 22-23 yrs old. You would think by this time in their life, they might consider moving into their own place. It really isn't all that expensive for two or three people to split the rent in a small apartment. Plus, these guys have no debt/monetary responsibilities (unlike me, who went off and racked up 80K in debt at one of dem dere fancy universities), so they should have no problem covering rent, even with their crappy jobs. Yet they don't do it. Why? Because they are comfortable staying at home and mooching off their parents (aka they have drive and no self respect). Plus, their parents allow them to do so, and in no way encourage/push them to find a job, or get into some kind of training program that would help them to get a job. These parents don't seem to mind that their kids have no direction. It is one thing if you are living at home while getting some sort of education, or perhaps when you first start working (putting that unused rent money towards debt), but there reaches a point when you should no longer rely on your parents for support.


-- HOMER

Open the classifieds, and you'll see a plethora of ads for relatively high-paying, unskilled jobs, albeit mostly in the restaurant industry. If you think you're better than that, swallow your pride and do what you have to in order to have a roof over your head and food on your plate. Anything beats slinking home to Mommy and Daddy with your tail between your legs.


Work in the evenings and search for a job by day. You'll eventually find a job that suits your ability, guaranteed. In the meantime, you'll be earning a decent wage.


Even in these difficult times, economically and otherwise, any able, sane person can find a way to make ends meet. Period. Moving back in with Mommy and Daddy is nothing short of a cop-out.


Btw: My parents had the attitude that once I graduated college (which they, thankfully, paid for), I was on my own. I struggled, and I still do, but I'm glad that they held a hard line. Having your Mommy tell you to get a haircut when you're 25 years old is embarrassing. Be a man.


FWIW...

well if you ever finish painting your house maybe you would proud of it, and of course they will raise your property taxes for your trouble.

'we generally were willing and able to live very cheap and not spend much on stuff and going out. All of my friends were like that and it seemed natural to have flea market furniture and all your possessions fit in your car or closet. No one thought to wear designer clothes, buy real furniture or pay any more than the minimum for a car, apartment and so on. When we went out slumming was SOP. It was a way of life.'


pretty much SOP here too. my car is a '90 ford taurus that was given to me in july by my aunt who's husband is doing very well and they were getting rid of their old car. i haven't bought clothes for myself from anywhere but thrift stores and concerts in about 9 or 10 years. i eat as cheap as possible (was getting meals of 2 $.99 chicken sandwiches at Mcdonald's or eating 2 $.15 packs of ramen noodles for dinner, sometimes with apple juice, sometimes not.) when i was making money at my job, i was able to spend money on other things, like the odd book or cd, the meals at more expensive restaraunts (think $3-$5), and occasional trips to the movies (ok, ill admit i saw Lord of the Rings 6 times and Royal Tenenbaums 3). rent (in a 3 1/2 bedroom apartment with a decent bathroom, a living and dining room and kitchen) was $300/month each for 3 roomates. i paid my car insurance every month, and when we go to the bars, i usually have only 1 beer, never more than 2. i even took public trans. to work. i don't think i spent a lot of money on luxuries. i mostly got by, and did the social thing (mostly consisted of sitting around in a restaraunt and drinking bottomless cups of coffee for $1.10 and $1 tip) and then i would hopefully be able to be in action when i could get to the cardroom. when i would win, i would pad my expenses a little bit, be able to help out a friend who was broke, buy obligatory gifts for people (christmas and birthdays) etc. when i would lose, i would eat on the tighter side of things but everything would be ok because i made sure that everything was taken care of.


i even used to work at outback steakhouse when i was 19 and lived with a friend, and we worked from 8:30 a.m. to usually around 7p.m. 5 days a week for $6.25/hr just so i could have my own place. we were able to get by on free meals there every shift and cheap frozen pizzas from Aldi.


but i do understand what you are saying. it was possible to get by cheap in your day, and well-paying jobs were not as necessary because you didn't NEED as much money to live frugally. but how far away from your parents did you live? i mean, id rather not live here with my parents, but if they lived in the city i wanted to live in, and i could live there free of charge, id certainly take them up on that. i mean, people live with all sorts of roommates these days for different reasons (rent being a big reason) and i have a pretty good relationship with my parents, so i don't mind living with them as people. i spend time with them too. i love watching movies with my dad, and analyzing them, etc. he's a real intellectual, and we can converse on a pretty cool level there (not the same with mom).


anyway, yes, i know that living on my own is quite possible, and i have done it off and on for years now. but right now, with no job and no savings to fall back on, a month or two with the P's aint so bad.

baggins,


There is no stigma attached to living with your parents. I did it off and on when I was 22 years old after I graduated from college until I was 28. Basically, because most jobs suck. When I was 28 I found a good job and moved out east to Philadelphia.


The company went out of business in three years, so I moved back to Illinois and lived with my sister for 6 months. Now, 12 years latter I'm almost in the same situation again. The stupid company I worked for sold our division to another company. When this new company took over they gave me my notice four days before Christmas that my last day will be April 30th this year.


This time it's not as bad because I've had many years to save my money. But, the days of long term full time stable employment are gone. This is what is different today. My parents generation had jobs for life. So, all I have to say to those grouchy old parents out there is up yours.


Good Luck


Mark

man, there sure is a lot of sentiment on here against living with the parents. seems like a situational thing where you might not understand. i went to a 1-year college after high school. immediately after that i had a place with a friend (mentioned in previous post) and lived there just fine (but i wasn't going anywhere, and i wanted to go back to school and finish an undergrad degree). the job blew so bad (i will never ever work in the food service industry again, if i can help it.) and some things came to fruition around christmas and i quit (long story, was a blizzard, couldn't get there on XmasEve, called in, was told come in or you're gone, didn't come in, figured i was fired, was called about 2 weeks later saying maybe we were wrong come talk to us, went back and could never get to talk.) was at home for couple days for holidays and my parents said 'come live here, and we will pay for you to go to Jr. College here and get you grades up so you can get into the school you want to go to.' i said alright, and did that. and i helped out around the house while going to school (mowing lawn, doing dishes, running errands, cooking dinner, cleaning house, giving rides to sisters, etc.). that fall, i started in the school i wanted to go to (where my friends all went for free because their parents worked at the school. few would have beena ble to afford ANY school, let alone this one, without that advantage). was doing fine, until mid-semester in march, when i found out that some of my loans fell through. well, that blew, and my parents couldn't afford to send me to school there. it all happened very quickly and i had to move home. i ended up getting a crappy job at a gas station and worked there for 16 months. then, i decided to move to L.A. with some friends for an indefinite amount of time (of course they both graduated college already). lived there from jan.2000 til end of june2000, and worked and paid rent with 8 other people in a 5 bedroom house. my job was on a tv show and was schedule for 1 season only. when it ended, i decided i wanted to get back into school, but wasn't sure where or how. talking to my dad, i decided that going to school in illinois where i am a resident was a better option than waiting for residency in CA and paying my own way to go to school there, AND pay rent and expenses. when i moved back here last june, i was hoping to get right into college and not have to live with mom and dad. that didn't quite work out, however, and i couldn't get into school right away. but i did have a job, and was working, and helping my parents out with $$ too. then i found a couple girls i thought were cool (am finding out recently how uncool they really are) and they needed a roommate. i jumped at the chance to move out and live nearer to my social life, and my job. that was all well and good until a month ago when the company decided to scale down (president couldn't handle a growing company where he didn't have his hand in every little part directly... was a dumb move in my opinion) and i was left without a job (and without my last paycheck, and my severance check which they owe me.) when i first found out, i was leaning towards moving to Tucson and living with friends there and working for the summer and going to school in the fall back here. but i have decided since then that's not the best idea. the best idea is to stay here and save some $$ so that when i start school up in the fall i will have some so that i don't have to work full time while i am in school full time.


i don't see why it is so bad to let your kid live rent free for a while so that they can save up some money and go do the things they want to. and i don't think that you should only study in college what will give you a marketable skill. thats an old paradigm that is still present in our society. it works for some people, but not for others. i don't care what kind of job im going to get with a philosophy degree, that's what i want to study. what's the point of getting a business degree if i hate studying business?


anybody who questions my manhood because i choose to live rent-free with people i love and pursue my goals from that platform can bite me. (incidentally, maybe people who resort to questioning the manhood of other people just can't handle the fact that there might be a different value system in play for other people, which would dictate a different 'manly' course of action) im secure, so think what you want. living at home is +EV for me right now, and im not socially inept because of it.

Ok I don't mean to insult you but:


I don't understand your priorities. They are all about what makes you happy and have essentially no factor of becoming a productive member of society. You move places because its better for your social life. You study what makes you happy.


Anyways, if you want to live at home and take a philosophy degree, more power to you. You won't in any way impede me from achieving the things I want in life.


All I'll say is that mom and dad won't be there forever. Just think about where you'll be 10 or 20 years from now, and decide if you're happy with that. If you are, best of luck.

Ottosen, what is this bit that you hope everybody else is a lazy-ass, so you can be the one guy on Earth succeeding in business? If you had ever been in business, you would know that how far you can get is constrained by how many good people you can put around you, and cooperate with.


So far as Baggins, I was under the impression he would rather be kicking it in some pad downtown, screwing girls on the pill, working as a career bartender, and drinking Double Diamond's with his pals. But he is doing the right thing, instead.


If Baggins has made an error somewhere - and I am sure he has - I can't find it. This is the country where people can live their dreams and, inadvertently, become rich. It's that invisible hand, not their own conscious planning.


Why do people bitch when a bank charges them $2.00 for an ATM withdrawal, or when some guy lives with his own parents, but not when the government takes 50% of their own paycheck? I'll tell you why, people are half-wit sissies.


I guess I would probably frown if I found out where Baggins' student loan was coming from. But, other than that, he's not costing me a dime. As long as there is no mechanism for him to steal my money, he has to plot his own course.


Baggins is smart enough, and at an age, that the more he learns now, the more we'll all benefit from him in the long run. A guy like Baggins should be going to college, and learning how the world works, rather than gutting fish in Alaska or something, just to keep some random landlord in rent.


eLROY

Of all the people on this board that I would listen to a rational argument from, you are the last.


But thanks for your opinion. I'll give it all the validity I feel it deserves.