Losing At Love And Poker. **LAST EVER POST**

[Al Schoonmaker]

Al,

By chance, I am just finishing up an article for our next issue: "Don't take poker too seriously." It discusses some of the dangers: destroying priceless relationships, ruining education, neglecting other responsibilities, and so on.

I've taken the liberty of quoting from your post in the hope of preventing others from losing the loves of their lives or doing other irreparable damage.

Poker is a wonderful game, but that is all it is. It should not become so important that it destroys more important parts of our lives.

Regrets and regard,

Al

[USGrant]

Another supporting example for why 2+2 should take some responsibility and create an "Addiction" forum for posters who struggle with process addiction to poker/gambling.

The powers that be won't do it though. However, in its place, we are bombarded by Sklansky's pretty lame attempts to address 1,000 year-old theological questions. Figuring out the probability of going to hell if you don't believe in the tenets of Catholicism (are you a 5-1 dog as a Jew? do you have 10-1 implied odds as a Muslim?) is oh so helpful to people interested in improving their poker psyche. But maybe, just maybe, we need something a little more relevant to the posters of 2+2.

[Al Schoonmaker]

You wrote: "It's human nature to take things for granted when we have them, and when they're gone, is only when clarity enters your mind, and you realize how much they meant to you."

You have very clearly expressed my central concern. On May 5 we had six threads and 132 replies that indicated that people were taking poker too seriously. Today we have this thread about losing the love of his life.

Some contributors to those threads will do IRREPARABLE harm to their relationships or education.

To live a sane life, you must thoughtfully answer the critical question: WHAT IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME?

If you don't answer it now, you may lose something priceless and never be able to get it back.

Regards,

Al

[Al Schoonmaker]

You wrote: "Another supporting example for why 2+2 should take some responsibility and create an "Addiction" forum for posters who struggle with process addiction to poker/gambling.

"The powers that be won't do it though."

I must disagree that we at 2+2 are not concerned about addiction. Months ago I asked Mason whether he would accept an article on this subject, and he said, "Sure." I am just finishing, "Don't take poker too seriously, Part I."

This series will discuss the damage people do to their lives by allowing poker to become too important to them. I expect a lively discussion about it and related issues. I hope you contribute to it.

Regards,

Al

[steamboatin]

[ QUOTE ]
Overrall, I am only a small cash loser at poker (thanks to these forums). I lost one girl because of poker but I will not lose another. I have a behavioural addiction when it comes to poker. For me it was an escape from the harsh realities of my life.

[/ QUOTE ]

I think you are doing the right thing and I wish you the very best life has to offer.

steamboatin

[Bodhi]

Man, I'm sorry that happened. However, I agree that it could be anything that ends a relationship, not just poker. If you were a voracious reader, or worked too much, or watched too much tv, or spend too much time with friends... Find a woman who doesn't care to change you and move on.

[IShark]

Congratulations with moving on with your life. I am sure that will be the silver lining to your dark cloud, though. Best of luck with future endevours. Get out there and enjoy all that life has to offer.

[toots]

Always we assume that it's some demanding woman who's trying to control the poor hapless guy.

Well, we don't know what's really going on in this particular relationship, so it's rather silly to speculate.

But, were I in a relationship (and I'll note that I really don't want to be), and my guy got completely caught up in something - poker, dirt biking, drinking, working, working out... whatever - to the extent that the activity fills absolutely all of his leisure time, I'd be inclined to leave the relationship, because there would be essentially no relationship to stay in.

This isn't out of a desire to change anyone or put demands on anyone. If someone would rather do something else other than spend time with me, fine. No point in pretending there's a relationship. No harm, no foul.

Yet, so many of the guys here display the attitude that there's something inherently wrong with a woman who isn't willing to completely lose her man to something else. I mean, yeah, if the guy plays poker a couple hours a day, then the woman should probably get used to it (especially if it adds income). But I think that sometimes guys don't realize when they're relegating their womenfolk to "something to have sex with when I have nothing better to do."

Relationships are two-way. If one or both parties aren't willing to put something into it, then there's really no relationship.

I don't know if the OP is guilty of this or not. I will not assume that he is. I just think it's equally reckless to assume that his wife/girlfriend is being unreasonable.

[revots33]

I feel bad for you man. Most of us have known heartbreak, so you are not alone.


[ QUOTE ]
I have a behavioural addiction when it comes to poker. For me it was an escape from the harsh realities of my life.

[/ QUOTE ]

It's impossible to tell from your post if you were an addicted gambler, or just someone who let poker take over too large a part of your life. Unless you were an addicted gambler, poker can still be a fun and rewarding part of life - but only if the rest of your life is in balance. You can replace poker with movies, sports, working out, collecting, or any other fun activity - and you'd still have the same problem if the rest of your life is not in balance.

I actually read somewhere (maybe just a rumor I dunno) that J-Lo broke up with Ben Affleck over his poker playing. She felt that he had just replaced one addiction (alcohol) with another. Whether this is true or not, the point is worth noting... it isn't poker, or drinking, or anything else, that's really the problem. It's an unbalanced life, where any one activity overshadows the other more important things in your life. Unless you can get a handle on this, you run the risk of replacing poker with something else.


[ QUOTE ]
I lost one girl because of poker but I will not lose another.

[/ QUOTE ]

You may meet a girl who loves you completely, who doesn't mind if poker is one of many things you enjoy. Much happiness and balance in the future.

[Bodhi]

Yes, you are right that guys think this frequently about girlfriends/wives (and not always correctly). I think it may be warranted in this case because:
1. It was a serious relationship
2. He's been playing Poker for 2 decades

So I don't think he started to play poker during the relationship. She became involved when he was already a poker nut, and as some women do, hoped he would grow out of it.

I'm still quite young, but I've already learned that there's no sense in hiding my idiosyncracies/hobbies/passions from a romantic interest, because if she doesn't mind them it's a big plus, and if she finds out later and doesn't like them it's a huge minus.