am i obligated to restock mom's BF's beer?

[RunDownHouse]

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i would do this for a friend but dont see the necessity here.

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I guess its always easier to steal from a stranger (or acquaintance, in this case) than a friend.

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he makes blah money it seems and my mother does extremely well.

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I guess theft is ok as long as the victims aren't poor.

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i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married, he can just live with always being out of beer after i leave

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I guess this sort of passive-aggressive revenge is ok if you don't want to face directly your own issues regarding a man other than your father penetrating your mother.

OK, so that's a bit hyperbolic, but seriously, I don't get why you'd do this unless you're just a prick, plain and simple. The OP made no mention of the mother-fucker saying, "Go ahead and have some beer, don't worry about it," so I think taking some uninvited is bad enough. Throw in this strange, petty revenge thing you've got going on, and you just seem like a bad person.

[Asufiji2004]

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so, my mother has a serious boyfriend. fiance would be a more appropriate term.

i go visit, i drink his beer. i often drink alot.

he makes blah money it seems and my mother does extremely well.

am i obligated by social convention to resupply what i've drank? what if i often drink them all? i would do this for a friend but dont see the necessity here.

i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married, he can just live with always being out of beer after i leave.

any thoughts?

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If I am invited to somebody's house I usually don't show up empty handed. You don't have to replace his beer but it would be nice to bring something, some snacks or a bottle of wine or a six pack, something that you know the host likes to show your appreciation as a guest in their home.

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Dude he's going to his mom's house. I don't need to bring a cake when I visit my mom. I don't think anyone should feel the need to. Besides your mom makes all the dough and probably does the grocery shopping so [censored] the fiance. Drink up Lad.

[housenuts]

if you like him, restock...if dislike him, don't restock.

[maldini]

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i would do this for a friend but dont see the necessity here.

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I guess its always easier to steal from a stranger (or acquaintance, in this case) than a friend.

[ QUOTE ]
he makes blah money it seems and my mother does extremely well.

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess theft is ok as long as the victims aren't poor.

[ QUOTE ]
i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married, he can just live with always being out of beer after i leave

[/ QUOTE ]

I guess this sort of passive-aggressive revenge is ok if you don't want to face directly your own issues regarding a man other than your father penetrating your mother.

OK, so that's a bit hyperbolic, but seriously, I don't get why you'd do this unless you're just a prick, plain and simple. The OP made no mention of the mother-fucker saying, "Go ahead and have some beer, don't worry about it," so I think taking some uninvited is bad enough. Throw in this strange, petty revenge thing you've got going on, and you just seem like a bad person.

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yours is a strangly negative post. theft? passive aggressive revenge? seems a bit strong. i dont think im drinking his beer out of revenge. i'm treating my mothers house (where i have previously lived) as my home. my question is simply what people think of not restocking or bringing my own since the beers are clearly bought by him.

also, he never gave me even a friendly heads up that he was going to ask my mother to marry him. granted i live 2.5 hours away so its not like i see them everyday, but i think this is a classless move. i dont think its a huge faux pas, but just a littler classless. it probably should be considered a worse misstep then it is in this day and age, but that's for a different discussion. i feel it is appropriate to always discuss these things with the eldest male adult in the family.

the point being, if he has show a lack of consideration in the past, i feel less bad about taking the worse line of a borderline social situation.

do i really need to bring food/wine to my family's house when i visit? that seems a little formal to me.

[bernie]

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also, he never gave me even a friendly heads up that he was going to ask my mother to marry him. granted i live 2.5 hours away so its not like i see them everyday, but i think this is a classless move. i dont think its a huge faux pas, but just a littler classless. it probably should be considered a worse misstep then it is in this day and age, but that's for a different discussion. i feel it is appropriate to always discuss these things with the eldest male adult in the family.

the point being, if he has show a lack of consideration in the past, i feel less bad about taking the worse line of a borderline social situation.


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passive aggressive revenge? seems a bit strong. i dont think im drinking his beer out of revenge.

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No, not at all.

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do i really need to bring food/wine to my family's house when i visit? that seems a little formal to me. i'm treating my mothers house (where i have previously lived) as my home.

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It's not just your mothers house.

b

[RunDownHouse]

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passive aggressive revenge?

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i happen to believe that since he's porking my mother not to mention slicing off a piece of my family's assets for himself once they're married...

[and]

also, he never gave me even a friendly heads up that he was going to ask my mother to marry him

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Not to mention another poster mentioned the same thing wrt you not being comfortable with a man that's not your father sliding his pulsing man-tool into your mother's eagerly-waiting, steamy tunnel of love. If people can pick up on that kind of thing after a couple of posts on an internet message board, you probably don't need a degree to figure you should - at the very least - honestly assess your situation.

Also, you don't seem to notice a very basic contradiction you're making. You're adamant about him not being family, but you feel entitled to drink his beer because you're "treating my mothers house (where i have previously lived) as my home." You're upset that he hasn't formally asked you for your mother's hand in marriage, or whatever, so the beer is not yours or your family's. Its his, but you feel entitled to take it anyways.

Anyways, I said my first post was hyperbolic. Don't take it personally or anything.

Oh, and
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the point being, if he has show a lack of consideration in the past, i feel less bad about taking the worse line of a borderline social situation.

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is a pretty clear example of passive-aggressive revenge.

[RunDownHouse]

Oh, and for this last part:
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do i really need to bring food/wine to my family's house when i visit? that seems a little formal to me.

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Sometimes I bring my parents a nice bottle of wine or something, but not out of any sense of obligation. Again, the point is that (to you, at least) this man is NOT family, and so it should be expected that you bring something if you're not planning on replacing what you take. I think that's pretty much accepted social etiquette.

[diddle]

seriously, just drink the goddamn beer.

these clowns telling you to bring gifts dont have a clue

[Cry Me A River]

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i'm treating my mothers house (where i have previously lived) as my home.


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You don't live there any more. That makes you a guest.

When you're 54, you still going to be treating your mom's house like your own?

I don't think there's really enough information to decide if you're being a complete boor or not. If you're coming to visit for a week-end and over the course of the week-end you drink a few beers along with whatever other consumables are normal then no, I don't think you're being a jerk. OTOH, if you're going over for a couple hours one afternoon, while the fiance is away, and chugging a 24 then yeah, you're a tool...

Presumably you're somewhere in between, but generally if you ever have to ask yourself, "Am I being a jerk?", the answer is almost always "Yes".

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also, he never gave me even a friendly heads up that he was going to ask my mother to marry him. granted i live 2.5 hours away so its not like i see them everyday, but i think this is a classless move. i dont think its a huge faux pas, but just a littler classless. it probably should be considered a worse misstep then it is in this day and age


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Why? Are you her father?

Or do you just think you own her?

Is there a list of people he's supposed to notify? Parents? Children? Siblings? Cousins? Romates? Landlords? Employers? What?


There are at least two totally legit reasons he wouldn't give you a head's up here:

A) You two aren't on good terms (the existance of this thread being a clue...)

B) He figures you for a blabermouth and he was looking to surprise your mom.

[maldini]

i guess im no pysc major. i dont see whats passive aggressive about treating people differently based on how they treat you. maybe that's the definition? i think its the revenge part of your equation that i take issue with. i dont see this as revenge. i dont think consuming $5 worth of beverages every now and then getting even with someone.

im not adamante about anything here. clearly whether he's family or not, people on this board have differing opinions about this. clearly if he is my father there is not much to discuss. and incidenlty, i dont dislike the guy at all. im just posting something about a social situation. i find it interesting how people react to social situations. i thought this was a light and sort of interesting situation others may have experienced kinda along the sienfeld vain. surely if i've got a serious problem, im not bringing it to OOT for resolution.

i cant believe that noone here thinks its inappropriate for a man to ask a woman to marry him and not first consult with the eldest male in the family. it doesnt matter if that person is the son or an uncle, brother or cousin. maybe its an italian family thing, but i think it has more to do with who has class and who doesnt.

for the record, anyone who asks a woman to marry them and doesnt consult with the father first is a chump. i can see disagreements about son, uncle type situations but unless the father is estranged, this is absolutely mandatory.

i guess im old school passive aggressive style.