Favorite Simpsons Quotes

[youtalkfunny]

MR BURNS: Look at that Homer Simpson--he thinks he's cock of the walk! I'll show him he's cock of nothing!

(that kills me every time)

***

SMOOTH JIMMY APOLLO: Our early game is Denver and New England. This one's too close to call, but if you're one of those degenerate types who just HAS to bet something, then take, um, uh, i dunno...Denver.

HOMER: (races to the phone) Moe? Gimme $20 on Denver!

MOE: (slyly) I think I can provide that service. Um, Chief Wiggum? Could you hand me that little black book?

WIGGUM: Oh, sure thing, Moe. I was just using it for a coaster.

***

SMOOTH JIMMY APOLLO: (after the game, apologetically) Well, when you're right 48.7% of the time, that means you're going to be wrong 51.3% of the time.

HOMER: (screaming at tv) Why didn't you say that before???

[craig r]

being that i am vegan i found this line funny (was a re-run tonight):

Lisa is talk with the "eco-hunk" about being vegetarian and he tells her: "i am a level 5 vegan; i don't eat anything that casts a shadow."

[The Dude]

Homer: "Marge, we need more neopolitan ice cream!"

[Cubswin]

Anything Ralph says

Me fail English, that's unpossible.

Im special.

What's a battle?

I ated the purple berries... they taste like buring

When i grow up im going to bovine university.

My cat's name is mittens.

Mt cat's breathe smells like cat food.

And when the doctor said i didnt have worms anymore that was the happiest day of my life.

Daddy, these rubber pants are hot

So, do you like stuff?

The doctor said i wouldnt have so many nose bleeds if i kept my finger out of there.

Oh sleep, that's where im a viking

[John Cole]

Homer to alien: "Don't eat me. I have children--eat them instead."

Homer: "Trying hard is the surest way to fail." (or thereabouts)

[lil']

From the episode where Homer goes on disability leave from work by making himself weigh over 300 pounds. Bart is fantasizing about being a fat man on workman's comp when he gets older, just like his father...

"I wash myself with a rag on a stick."

[Kurn, son of Mogh]

Oh, man, there are too many.

Homer at the yard sale pitching his "The Ayatollah Sucks" T-shirt

"But the great thing is, it works for ANY Ayatollah..."(then he names off three obscure Ayatollahs)
_____________

Moe: Hello
Bart: Is Amanda there? Last name Hugandkiss"
Moe: I'm looking for Amanda Hugandkiss! Why can't I find Amanda Hugandkiss?
Barney: <belch> Maybe your standards are too high.
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As an aside for all Simpson's fans. One of the regulars in my home game is named Bob Terwilliger. He's an arch conservative, and the rumor is one of the Simpsons' writers knows him, thus the origin of Sideshow Bob's last name. [img]/images/graemlins/cool.gif[/img]

[elwoodblues]

King Homer episode - Burns speaking to Marge:

Burns: Well, you'd be a welcome change of pace to these crude and uncooth sailors...
Sailors: ARRRR, ARRRRR, ARRRRR, ARRRR, ARRRRR.
Burns: What do you think, Smithers?
Smithers: I think women and seamen don't mix.
Burns: We know what you think!

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Chief Wiggum to Ralph:

Remember Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, it means your picking it too much. Or not enough.

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Homer: Alcohol, the cause of and solution to all life's problems.

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Just for this board:

Homer: The only monster here is the gambling monster that has enslaved your mother. I call him Gamblor, and it's time to snatch your mother from his neon claws.

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Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

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Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

[scotnt73]

homer:yeah! what larry flint said!(talking about steven hawkins..i laugh every time i think of it)

[Gamblor]

I can't live the buttoned down life like you, I want it all! The terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles! Sure, I might offend a few of the blue-noses with my cocky stride and musky odors - oh, I'll never be the darling of the so-called "City Fathers" who cluck their tongues, stroke their beards, and talk about what's to be done with this Homer Simpson?

and

Chlorine, eh?