Dating someone bi-polar

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I dated a chick who was bipolar. All I can say is that if this girl is 1/10th as much of a lunatic as the girl I dated, you should run, far, faaaarrr away.

Things started out normal enough, but then she began getting super-paranoid and very accusatory. Her mood swings were unbelievable--one day she'd be all happy and outgoing, and the next she'd be depressed and miserable. In each case, it was to such an extreme that she practically had a completely different personality. Things that she liked in one mood she would absolutely hate in the other, and it was up to me to always figure out which person I was dealing with on a daily basis, lest I piss her off to no end.

It all seems tame when I describe now, but really it was pure insanity. The suicide threats and threats of violence one day, and then the person who couldn't so much as hurt a fly the next day. All with constant lies and denials and selfishness.

There were days when she was a normal person, and those days her "true" nature shined through (a very good person, I think), but much of the time it was nothing short of insanity. She had definitely learned to act "normal" in front of most people, but once you knew her well and she had to be around you more than on a passing basis, there was no hiding it.

At the very least, I'd recommend that your girl staying on medication be a prerequisite to your guys' continued dating. The few bipolar people I've known and the one girl I dated (and from what I hear, bipolar people in general) have a tendency to go on meds, feel somewhat better and then go off them thinking they don't need them any more. Dealing with a seriously bipolar person not on meds is like dealing with a pitbull with its nuts in a tourniquet--all you can do is stay out of the way and hope you don't get hurt.

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Almost exactly what I endured for two years. She accused me of cheating on her with every woman I knew (including the mother of one of my chess students.) Of course, she could hang out with any guy she wanted. She would switch moods on a dime - all happy and lovey-dovey, then BAM I'm stupid she's stupid the whole world is stupid I think I'll kill myself. Constant guilt trips. Sometimes I got scared because something would set her off and she'd start hitting herself on the head. Of course, she also had relationship issues...can't imagine why.

The hard part was she could shape up just enough to keep me interested...promises of change and whatever. Never happened - actually it got worse. Eventually I realized it was only worth it so I can appreciate sane girls.

EDIT:Just saw the raising kids part. I dated another girl who was clinically depressed, and one day we were talking about the woman who drowned her kids in the tub. She told me that she could see herself doing that. Scared the S@#$ out of me. Too bad, she's a pretty and otherwise fun girl...although we'd have to break plans a lot because she was having an episode.

ScottieK

It's highly unfortunate that many of you believe people can be captured by a psychodiagnostic label. Really, these sweeping generalizations about people with 'bipolar disorder,' are inaccurate, unfair and perpetuate unnecessary stereotypes.

Many people with bipolar disease are very productive, effective and highly likeable. I have bipolar disease (and Aspergar's with OCD) and work full-time, am not sexually promiscuous, do not use illegal drugs, am not highly impulsive nor psychotic.

Also, I want to explain something to you about the medications typically used to treat bipolar (and other serious brain diseases). A lack of insight is not always the cause of medication non-compliance. Often times the drugs themselves have extremely unpleasant and dangerous side effects. Many often cause irreversible, permanent neurological damage resembling Parkinson's (TD or Tardive Dyskinesia). A sample of undesired side effects (depending on the class of medication) may be blurred vision, nausea, extreme anxiety and agitation, tremors, GI upset, sweating, restless leg syndrome, twitches, involuntary movements, etc. There is often a serious cost-benefit analysis and it's not always irrational to resist being medicated (especially if you have a hypersensitivity to certain drugs such as an affinity for extrapyramidal reactions).

JeffreyREBT "Wherein I don't promise to make you rich without trying, or even trying very hard; I do promise to say things that will make you FEEL rich."

[bobman0330]

I did. It sucked hard. Cruel to say, but odds are you'd be better off not getting involved.

My sister is bi-poler, and my advice is it depends on how severe it is for her (or him?) and how calm and level-headed you are

I've always had a good relationshop with my sister, but I am a very calm person (maybe because of this?). It can be hard sometimes, like when they do something ridiculous, can you blame them? Is it their fault, or is it out of their control and therefor not their fault? I dunno.

For example, suppose they request something ridiculous. You can either:

1) comply, but risk giving him/her the impression that they 'deserve' to get what they want whenever they ask for it.

2) not comply, but risk infuriating them. Is it worth it?

I've been faced with this choice many times. Obviously each situation is a little different, like if she says "pass me that fork" you probably should, but if she says "cook all my meals and clean my house every day" you should probably not.

But yeah, if during one of their bad moods you can keep calm, talk in a normal voice, and think logically (not forgetting their condition) then you got a chance I reckon

[JackThree]

i love lamictal <3

[whiskeytown]

No, I have not dated anyone bipolar.

I have found however that being bipolar and depressive brings down your chances a bit.

RB

if bi-polar is anything like bi-sexual you might be able to get a hot 3 way going

I personally wouldn't allow bipolar disorder to automatically disqualify a potential mate. However, I would advise you to be cognizant of special needs related to her illness. If you're truly interested you might start out by educating yourself on the illness. Having insight will enable you to more effectively deal with everyday challenges or even a crisis. I think your mileage will vary based on how willing you are to invest time and energy being an active participant in the management of the diease.

These considerations will become even more imperative if you move from casual dating to a serious intimate relationship. Then you will likely find it highly beneficial (if not absolutely necessary) to be proactive in the treatment of her disease. For example, you might drive her to scheduled appointments, attend medical appointments together, remind her to take her medications, call the doctor if you notice her becoming manic, etc. Is it worth expending this much effort? Only you can make this assessment based on your personal appraisal of your relationship's value.

JeffreyREBT "Wherein I don't promise to make you rich without trying, or even trying very hard; I do promise to say things that will make you feel rich."