Course of Action with Girls When in a Serious Relationship - Page 2

pokerdirty · #11 11-01-2005, 12:54 PM

You can obviously be upfront with this girl. Just tell her that you need to converse with other women. Tell her why like you told us. If she doesn't understand, then one of you is S.O.L.

daveymck · #12 11-01-2005, 12:59 PM

I have always had more female friends than male friends it somthing I am not prepared to change and my GF should just accept it. If she dont trust you then it isnt a very secure foundation to build a relationship on.

I suspect my GF has had issues of jealousy eg when I have met friends for luch and and evening out etc, but she hasnt voiced them and if she did would know that it aint going to change my behaviour or friends just because of that.

You are who you are she has to accept that.

jakethebake · #13 11-01-2005, 01:02 PM

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I suspect my GF has had issues of jealousy eg when I have met friends for luch and and evening out etc,

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This is interesting. Evenings out with other women? To me jealousy would be perfectly understandable and justified. And in my opinion, you should realize that and just not do that to her.

Pyromaniac · #14 11-01-2005, 01:04 PM

The tricky thing is that, for women, all that talking tends to create a male-female attachment. Don't you think? A man takes an interest in her ideas/thoughts/dreams/interests...makes her laugh...pays attention to her...that can be the start of a great friendship. (It can also be the setup for great sex, too. I guess that's where the wall comes in.)

Walls and flirting. Some women/relationships, a man/woman can't flirt. Flirting leads to f***ing.

Other relationships, a man/woman *can* flirt because they *know* there won't be any f***ing.

Back to the OP's GF...probably she realizes that sometimes these female-friend-relationships lead nowhere and sometimes they lead to cheating--so just easier to say, Don't have any of them. And not worry about sorting it out.

Pyromaniac · #15 11-01-2005, 01:08 PM

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Tell her why like you told us.

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Just link her to this thread! [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img]

jakethebake · #16 11-01-2005, 01:09 PM

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The tricky thing is that, for women, all that talking tends to create a male-female attachment. Don't you think? A man takes an interest in her ideas/thoughts/dreams/interests...makes her laugh...pays attention to her...that can be the start of a great friendship. (It can also be the setup for great sex, too. I guess that's where the wall comes in.)

Walls and flirting. Some women/relationships, a man/woman can't flirt. Flirting leads to f***ing.

Other relationships, a man/woman *can* flirt because they *know* there won't be any f***ing.

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Yea. I guess I hope if the wall is there and I tell them I know the wall is there, they'll believe me and not worry about it. But you're right, both parties have to be in control of themselves enough to nipe any trouble in the bud. Personally, for me once I put the wall up, I have no problems.

Vavavoom · #17 11-01-2005, 01:11 PM

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The first link is broken...

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We need to compare !

daveymck · #18 11-01-2005, 01:13 PM

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I suspect my GF has had issues of jealousy eg when I have met friends for luch and and evening out etc,

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This is interesting. Evenings out with other women ? To me jealousy would be perfectly understandable and justified. And in my opinion, you should realize that and just not do that to her.

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If it was a night out with the lads would that be alright then even if going to a strip club or chatting woman up? I am open and honest with her surely that is the important part. I work away from home and if I want to go out for a meal with a collegue or meet up for a drink later should it matter if they are male or female if its just friendship? Obviously some of these people I become good friends with and so often email, ring or meet up with when near where they are I still dont see a problem with it.

I went out a few times for drinks with a gay male collegue should she be worried then?

As I say she trust me or she doesnt.

jakethebake · #19 11-01-2005, 01:21 PM

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This is interesting. Evenings out with other women ? To me jealousy would be perfectly understandable and justified. And in my opinion, you should realize that and just not do that to her.

[/ QUOTE ]

If it was a night out with the lads would that be alright then even if going to a strip club or chatting woman up? I am open and honest with her surely that is the important part. I work away from home and if I want to go out for a meal with a collegue or meet up for a drink later should it matter if they are male or female if its just friendship? Obviously some of these people I become good friends with and so often email, ring or meet up with when near where they are I still dont see a problem with it.

I went out a few times for drinks with a gay male collegue should she be worried then?

As I say she trust me or she doesnt.

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Every relationship is different. If she's fine with you doing that then so be it. But if I were in a serious relationship, and I knew something like that bothered her I wouldn't do it mostly because I guess I don't think it's appropriate myself. Out of town and have dinner or a drink with a colleague you're travelling with is one thing. To me that's a little different than, "I'll see you later, Honey. I'm going out drinking with Susie," which was what I was picturing.

Aloysius · #20 11-01-2005, 01:46 PM

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It's been over 4 months now and it's definitely the real deal.

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As someone who has (hopefully) matured concerning relationships over the years, and who remembers very acutely being in a serious relatinoship during college (lasted many years after college)...

It's just too early to put these kinds of strains on a relationship. 4 months is a while, but not so long that you've developed real bonds of trust. If you are serious about staying with this girl for a while then...

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So we are at the library the other day and this girl that I had a huge crush on Freshman year walks by and we start talking in front of my GF. This girl and I are friends in that we stop and talk whenever we see one another to see how everything is going but we don't hang out separately or anything like that (obviously). We certainly aren't "good friends" but I would like it if we were. She's really bright and cute and funny, possessing some of the things my girlfriend does not.

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Uhm... do you think this is a good idea? Becoming better "friends" with a girl you used to have a huge crush on and obviously still have feelings for and are attracted to... this is probably not a smart move.

Are you so naive that you think you're in it 100% just to be friends? Would you be comfortable if your girlfriend we're doing the same thing to you? Even if she wasn't the jealous type - the situation as you described it is something that would / should bother her.

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So I ask you, OOT, am I asking too much? Is there any way to get the best of both worlds of GF and friend or is there no woman in existence who is fully comfortable with this? All thoughts appreciated.

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It's not possible right now with this specific girl. Maybe with a chick you aren't attracted to... who knows. But in general, I think the having the "best of both worlds" is not easy. As Dominic has explained time and time again - the relatinoships between men and women are just different - true "friendship" is a mirage of sorts.

That's why, if you want to be friends with a girl while in a serious relationship, hard and fast rules and barriers are important. This chick (who btw is not as cute as your girlfriend) does not meet the litmus test.