I can't take this life anymore

If I got it right you're at least 20 years old right now, you also have some savings (from your winnings at poker), and I'm guessing that you currently aren't going to school or have a job. In other words you aren't tied down.

Why not buy a one way plane ticket and go on an extended vacation, by yourself, outside of your current home country? Being in an entirely different environment may give you a better perspective. Stay in hostels; you'll meet people your age that are open minded, laid back, and fun to hang out with. Go from place to place, country to country. For starters, Southeast Asia is cheap and there are a lot of fun, eye opening things to do.

Probably the best part is that you could do this for even a few years, have all these great experiences, get back home with a better idea of what you want to get out of life, and you'll still be in your mid-twenties.

[krimson]

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I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness..

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You already have admitted your weaknesses, to a public internet forum. So now that that is out the way, go to a doctor [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

[PokerAce]

School is social hell for a lot of people. Those people who torment you don't do so because of who you are. Nothing you did causes it. The reason they do so is because they are insecure and are trying to lift themselves higher in the social ladder.

You sound like a smart guy. Intellegent people tend to be tormented in school because they spend more time trying to better themselves and less time trying to be popular. You don't try to conform to everyone else, so they single you out. The messed up thing is that the social ladder in highschool gets flipped upside down once you're in the real world. Those jocks and cheerleaders are now car salesmen and waitresses (no offense to anyone in those professions). While the people who were picked on are now doctors, scientists, authors, film makers, etc. The ones who were tormented now practically control the world. Just look at Bill Gates!

I do agree with others that you should seek help. You've admitted that you have a problem, and that's a great start. I guarantee that there are people who care about you. Suicide is really no answer. It sounds like you are still in school and pretty young. You haven't experienced the real world yet. Most adults that you encounter in the real world aren't the same as the insensitive [censored] you encounter in school. People will respect you and treat you with decency, as long as you respect yourself.

Do yourself and your loved ones a favor and get help. There's nothing wrong with admitting defeat over something that's too much for you to handle. Suicide will not only destroy your own life, but the life of everyone who knows you.

[Adde]

I've got no experience whatsoever about what you're dealing with, but I'm 100% sure about this:

A) Make a radical positive change in my life

Adde

LyckyInPast, you obviously have problems. You're right about your choice between a) changing your life or b) ending it. For you, this might seem a tough choice, but be honest to yourself: do you really think there is nothing this life has to offer anymore? Imagine conquering all your problems, having high self-esteem, losing your fears and frustrations, accepting yourself and having a varied and interesting life. Waking up each day with a feeling of happiness, because of the day to come. That IS possible, and you WOULD enjoy it. So you should change.

Now you can be like most people and buy a book and read some pages, forget about it and continue your unhappy life, try to change again and fail again, and never really improve. OR you can understand this: if you don't change your life, you don't really find it worth living, right? So you MUST change it. Forget about TV, poker, games and all the other stuff that doesn't really help you, and let changing your life be your number one priority in life. Think about all the ways that you can improve, and spend all your energy on this one goal. If you do this you cannot fail. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

I'm writing this for you as well as myself, because my life isn't as great as it could be too. I've never been as depressed as you, but my life is also very boring. When I was about 12 years old I sat down before my computer, and since then I've practically lived in my room, for my computer. One of the reasons for this is that I'm wayy too shy and have a poor self-image. But I'm trying to change now. In fact, tomorrow I'm going to some seminar for a lot of money, led by a guy who believes he can cure people like you and me in a short period of time. [img]/images/graemlins/tongue.gif[/img] I've also bought the book A Guide to Rational Living recently, and I think it's good (only just arrived so I haven't finished it yet.)

And I'm also thinking of going on vacation this winter. There you wouldn't be surrounded by people you know all the time, and you can do whatever you want without worrying about them and of course there should be a nice weather and laid back people etc. [img]/images/graemlins/smile.gif[/img]

Oh and I don't believe in taking medication to cure your depression. It's like.. you have a [censored] up life and you are depressed about it. Then you get medication, and you feel happy about your [censored] up life. It doesn't solve the deeper problems.

I hope I made some sense.

[PLOlover]

Hey if you live in Arizona pm me and we can hang out I know what it's like.

Whatever you do, when you're on any kind of downswing, protect your assets. It's more important not to lose than it is to win in such a period.

And your life is obviously much more important than money, but hey, money is important too.

Fellow, I've been down a similar road and no one should know that kind of hell.

And yet, every time I thought of giving up... I realized that would just prove to them (those mean and complacent voices) that they were right. Well, I proved them wrong.

It takes great courage to get up. Especially after being kicked down for so long.

Something tells me you can do it!

Even if you don't know it, there are people rooting for you.

Get some rest. Tomorrow will be better.

[Snoogins47]

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"I feel like seeing a doctor would be like admitting my weakness."

So what? We all need help at times.

There's so much good stuff in life--you're missing it. Get professional help. Everyone needs a fresh start every once in a while. Sounds like you're going to be unable to get one unless you have guidance. Usually, time gets a person out of their funk, but as someone who's been there twice in his life, I can tell you that having someone who's seen similar afflications can be a great help.

Go get help today. You can have many happy years in front of you.

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Admitting your own weakness, in my humble opinion, is one of the most important steps toward growth of any sort. As human beings, we've been granted the unparallelled ability to fall flat on our asses, and while we often manage to get up, the hardest part is being able to stand up and say "I did NOT mean to do that."

I'll leave the specific advice to those more well versed than I (I have a 100 level 'Intro to Psychology' class under my belt, and haven't personally been on the "patient" end either) but I can do the personal testimony thing pretty well here. Most of high-school was absolutely hell for me... I don't have any magical cures, or anything to say to erase it all, but you can put me down as another voice loudly echoing the "there's always a light at the end." sentiment. There is. I don't know who you are, or what you do, but your life is worth living, and worth enjoying.

[Python49]

Prozac will do you wonders, and no i'm not being sarcastic.

[SpaceAce]

Obviously, no one can know enough about you from a couple of posts to really know what you need but it sounds like medical and psychological help are high on the list. I just want to point out that being afraid of admitting weakness is not a good reason to live in misery. You're a poker player and you seem to be saying you're a winning poker player. In order to become a winning poker player, you undoubtedly had to fix hundreds of leaks, mistakes and problems in your game. In order to fix the weaknesses in your poker game, you had to admit they were there and then tackle them head-on. If you can do that for a game, you can do it for your life.

SpaceAce