Why do I get into pissing matches?

[sethypooh21]

Sorry, I was very unclear in my original post. I was trying to differentiate poker from, say, basketball, where the charge I might get out of a verbal battle is often beneficial (especially if my goal in playing is to get the best workout. Anything that makes you play harder...), and poker where it is decidedly -ev to get myself riled up.

Sorry for the confusion.

[bernie]

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I'm asking for advice on how to stop

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I gave you a root cause. Control your ego. You know your place in these situations. You can change it. Btw...many players go through this, many don't make it over the hurdle. The more you learn about the game, and all it's facets, the less one is likely to engage in stuff like this at the table. Look at the higher purpose of playing and how to accentuate that.

For instance, many think the purpose is winning pots. Winning pots is going to happen anyways, it's how they play during the hand that makes the money. The pot is just the by-product.

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what would you tell a hypothetical winning player with these issues?


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I'd say the exact same thing. Unless i know for sure they are a winning player. That is one title i dont just assume on anyone. Nothing personal meant by that.

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My problem is not "how can you call with that?" but more "F me? NO, F YOU!". Does this make sense?


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In all my time at the tables, i very rarely, if ever, have seen an argument stemming in a hand from a simple FU. There's usually a preceding comment on play, or post comment on play when these phrases are used. Some root to the exchange. It's just not that innocent. Especially if it gets into a heated verbal volley as you described. You're not just arguing over anything, it's game/play related.

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Ironically, as I read and reread your post, I feel the same kind of anger that usually causes me to 'get into it' with a verbal aggressor at a table. I'm being attacked, must defend...

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Maybe this is your ego getting in your way again. What kind of sugar coated response were you looking for? And no, i'm not attacking you personally, i don't know you. Ill agree, I probably could've said it better if it came across that way. I'm basing my response on my experience with many, many players who've asked or displayed this type of behavior. My goal was to be very honest in answering. I also mentioned how these volleys can educate players at the table. Not just in hand play, but how one reacts to situations and how that may affect one's play thereafter. There really is no benefit to regularly joining in on these frays.

I'd ask you reread my post without associating with it a berating tone as that wasn't the intention. Take only what applies to you in context. I'm always more than happy to give someone some ideas that may help them out.

Understand, we also see many of these types of posts from players who when we do try and help, give us a big FU anyways. Especially newly 'winning' players (may not apply to you) that are on great runs and think all of us are full of crap, only to either disappear from the forum or spend the next 2 months bemoaning bad beats and that they now can't beat loose games.

I think it's good your actively seeking help for this problem as, and i stated this in my original post i believe, it will hinder you as you move up.

Once again, it is ego related. It's up to you to figure out how to control it.

If i thought i was wasting my time, i wouldn't have responded. Someone else may see the response and get something out of it or may click something for them. While others may also think i was out of line.

b

[Noo Yawk]

Seth,

If you can't take what Bernie's saying and benefit from it, then you may not ever get it. Bernie just told his ex-boss to go f-himself for crying out loud, do ya think he has a problem trying to help you with a little tough love!! [img]/images/graemlins/mad.gif[/img]

[sethypooh21]

Bernie,

Thank you very much for this follow up post. I really appreciate your willingness to help me out here.

- SP

[banditbdl]

Well, I read bernie's original response and your response to the response here both a couple times, and my advice for you would be that you need to develop a little tougher skin. bernie's response was a little harsh, but really not that bad at all IMHO. The fact that you need to bust out the all caps phrases more than once in your response to something that really wasn't even that harsh is disconcerting.

All that said, I don't think you have all that far to go to fix this problem. You posted here about your recognition of it here in the first place and in your response to bernie you even mentioned that you could feel your blood beginning to boil a little bit again.

You feel people are attacking you at the table and feel you must defend yourself. Next time, before you leap headfirst into a hostile argument to defend yourself, just think about why you should even care what the other guy (or anyone else at the table for that matter) thinks about you. You just have to learn how to ignore the attacks because they are meaningless.

Your only goal at the table in relation to what the other players think about you is for them to like you, for them to enjoy playing with you, not mind losing their money to you. Thinking about this it's easy to see diving into some argument with a jerk at the table is only going to hinder you in achieving your ultimate goal.

[stir]

This (too me) is the all-important phrase from banditbdl's post.

I used to have the same problem as you describe in your first post. Not just at the poker table but everywhere I had a tendency to argue, get my point in, want to have the last word, etc.

But over time I came to the point that now I no longer give a rat's a## what 95% of the people are saying. It is a matter if confidence, imo, more than ego. If I have confidence in my own knowledge at the poker table, I don't need to argue ANY point or justify my opinion to others. Try taking this approach the next time that urge to confront stirs you up.

Ask yourself "Do I REALLY give a damn what this person thinks"?. If the answer is no, then just nod in mute agreement and proceed to take their money.

[gonores]

Learn to play heads up (assuming you can/do play online). Then pissing matches have value.

[deacsoft]

You need to find a "happy place" in you mind and go there whenever you think you about to start bitching.

[shawn_p]

All I've got to say is don't get mad, get the money.

[daryn]

i do the same thing time to time.. it's definitely ego.

however i think a little ego is good for your game.