My GF's psycho-ex (long and bad and dramatic....stressful situation) - Page 11

jakethebake · #**101** 05-24-2005, 02:17 PM

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Yes, I am serious. I don't know about you, but when I got married one of the vows they made me say was to honor my wife and foresake all others. If you really think a "time out" in the marriage means you can f*** whoever you want during the "separation", then I think we have different interpretations of what marriage means. Because regardless of the other issues, the GF and other guy were still legally married, and she was committing adultery. If this guy has pictures, don't think he won't use them if the divorce gets messy.

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Actually this is completely wrong. When people are separated, divorce courts pretty much ignore what happens during that time. And the what you think about getting separated during marriage doesn't matter. You're not the one that's separated. People get separated for the exact reason that they don't want to be together anymore. Generally not wanting to be together means they're going to be with other people. And I think that when you're talking about twoand a half years, you're pretty much past the "we're on a break" thing. It's pretty much over.

Bluffoon · #**102** 05-24-2005, 02:27 PM

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Jake - you obviously have never gone through a divorce. The emotions are very strong when this happens. Sometimes it makes sense to seperate for awhile and see how you feel about the other person after a cooling off period.

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After two and a half years they should be pretty cool. And their marriage is not Bob's responsibility.

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I have dated women who have been divorced for several years that were still emotionally involved with their ex and I have dated separated women who had completely moved on. I think its something you have to look at an a case by case basis.

Nick-Zack · #**103** 05-24-2005, 02:49 PM

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After two and a half years they should be pretty cool. And their marriage is not Bob's responsibility.

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Another big red flag is that she never filed for divorce. Filing for divorce is usually on the top of the list for those that want it.

Nick-Zack · #**104** 05-24-2005, 02:52 PM

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Actually this is completely wrong. When people are separated, divorce courts pretty much ignore what happens during that time. And the what you think about getting separated during marriage doesn't matter. You're not the one that's separated. People get separated for the exact reason that they don't want to be together anymore. Generally not wanting to be together means they're going to be with other people. And I think that when you're talking about twoand a half years, you're pretty much past the "we're on a break" thing. It's pretty much over.

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There is a big difference between living seperately and having a court approved legal seperation. I don't remember reading in the loooonnnnggg original post that this is a legal seperation.

jakethebake · #**105** 05-24-2005, 02:52 PM

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After two and a half years they should be pretty cool. And their marriage is not Bob's responsibility.

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Another big red flag is that she never filed for divorce. Filing for divorce is usually on the top of the list for those that want it.

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Not really. I know several people that have been separated for years and just never saw a need to go through the legal cost/hassle of filing. I know one guy that didn't even know where his wife was for a couple of years. He had to track her down when he wanted to get remarried.

jakethebake · #**106** 05-24-2005, 02:57 PM

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There is a big difference between living seperately and having a court approved legal seperation. I don't remember reading in the loooonnnnggg original post that this is a legal seperation.

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There's no practical difference.

bernie · #**107** 05-24-2005, 05:23 PM

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Two years separated or not, I'd be pretty pissed if I found out somebody was sleeping with my wife, too. Two years is ENTIRELY too long to stay separated.

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Are you serious? You think she's been celibate for two years? Do you think he has? They're separated. They're not together. That's what separated means.

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Seperation doesn't mean go out and see if you can find better. Then, if not, well, maybe well get back together and try again. It's not a free pass to go out, have fun and screw people and bring them into your baggage. That's not the intent for seperation. Nor is it fair to do to someone on the outside. If that's what you think seperation is all about, you're dead wrong.

Seperation is to sort out your crap and see if you really want to stay with the person your seperated from. It's to get your head on str8 and really think about your situation and whether you want to continue or end it. Regardless of whether you meet someone during it.

Too many people use it as a safety net so that if it doens't work out with someone new they can go back to their old comfort zone. Again, that's not what it's there for.

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bernie · #**108** 05-24-2005, 05:27 PM

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And I think that when you're talking about twoand a half years, you're pretty much past the "we're on a break" thing. It's pretty much over.

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As far as someone dating someone who is seperated, it is not over until those divorce papers are signed and delivered. Flat out.

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TripleH68 · #**109** 05-24-2005, 06:51 PM

Wow. This is quite a story. With hints of red flags...

I feel compelled to make a few comments. Since I do not know the parties involved I may be off base. If so please disregard. I have been through divorce myself and feel a bit of a connection so here goes(as if I am talking to my brother or best friend).

You describe your gf as a caring person, which is good. Trouble is it sounds like she may be feeling 'responsible' for her husband.

With all due respect several questions popped into my mind while reading your story...

1) After all this time why does this guy have keys to her place?
2) If it is what she wants to do, Why such a long delay in pursuing a divorce?
3) What may truly concern you is the possibility your gf is sugarcoating everything she is saying to her husband, rather than being more direct. She is waiting for him to act maybe? This is how you describe things in your post and it is her issue from which there is not an 'escape.'

I am sure she is a great gal. My concern for you is that an inability to take action without feeling responsible for someone else's feelings may be what got her married to this guy in the first place. And if this is a behavior pattern she will bring this issue(in one form or another) into your relationship.

Please consider counseling. Separate, together or both. It may teach both of you how to be true to yourself and be better for eachother.

I hope this helps you in the slightest, Robert.

#**110** 05-25-2005, 03:24 AM

The fact that she never changed her cell phone number after he called her so many times would make me concerned. The fact that her husband still has a key to her apartment would also make me concerned. These are things that are easy to change and would send a message to her husband that she no longer wants him around.

You definitely need to be careful around a girl like this. She may be a little slicker than what you're giving her credit for and it's easy to buy the "it wasn't me" line when your [censored] someone that you want to keep [censored].