What are your favorite lines spoken at the table?

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

I naturally play a TAG game (although I sometimes play a bit weaker than I'd like). I have this image amongst my lodge brothers, and use it to my advantage. More than once I've heard them say, "if Milo bets, he's got a hand." When my AKo totally misses and I bet into the flop, I often take down the pot. A scowl and a grumble that I bet too much (NL tourney play) often brings about advice from the "teacher" at the table, who I dutifully thank.

BTW 100 posts to this thread. I feel so proud to have given birth to a monster (albeit not very meaty) thread.

[SossMan]

100 posts on a non-Moneymaker/bot/party poker conspiracy theory thread IS impressive. LOL!

[Loci]

A little background- I'm a semi-pro that paid for college with poker earnings. I had a group of froshmen that I taught how to play my senior year (just nickle/dime/quarter, I wasn't fleecing them for tuition) and they were all pretty bad for that first year. One of them, Joe, wasn't what you could call "bright" in any circumstance, especially poker. Still, he had a great sense of humor, though (bless him) I don't think he even realized it.
One night we were playing, and he lost 20 dollars in 15 minutes... second best five hands in a row from the moment the cards were dealt. Him and the others were pretty poor, being freshmen without jobs, and he was crushed. He stood up after his ace high flush got broke, and he looked me in the eye and said: "Ez, in the last 15 minutes I lost 20 dollars because my little pieces of paper didn't have the right color and shape." With that, he nodded once solemnly and went to bed. Ever since, I try to keep that in mind when I'm losing. It is, truly, poker in a nutshell.

[kyro]

I play a home game tourney every weekend with a bunch of friends. None of them are very good, but there's one who's particularly bad. His quote after another kid went on a hot streak.

"That's the thing about Dave. When he bets, he's either got something, or he's bluffing."

Yeah, couldn't be doing option #3...

[Myrtle]

I’m playing Poker Stars $3 + 0 rebuy as I’m reading this string…..

Early in the tournament…..I get TT on the button…….action as follows…..

PokerStars Game #497449458: Tournament #1824057, Hold'em No Limit - Level I (10/20) - 2004/06/20 - 09:35:46 (ET)
Table '1824057 7' Seat #8 is the button
Seat 1: chekka (3280 in chips)
Seat 2: swedenyes (2850 in chips)
Seat 3: cldealer53 (1490 in chips)
Seat 4: Jon&April (2170 in chips)
Seat 5: swest (2490 in chips)
Seat 6: Noc-turn-all (4450 in chips)
Seat 7: pokerngolf (480 in chips)
Seat 8: Myrtle (3800 in chips)
Seat 9: Rifle33 (1480 in chips)
Rifle33: posts small blind 10
chekka: posts big blind 20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to Myrtle [Tc Td]
swedenyes: folds
cldealer53: folds
Rifle33 re-buys and receives 1500 chips for $3.00
Jon&April: folds
swest: folds
Noc-turn-all: calls 20
pokerngolf: calls 20
Myrtle: raises 100 to 120
Rifle33: calls 110
chekka: folds
Noc-turn-all: calls 100
pokerngolf: calls 100
*** FLOP *** [Ad 5c 4s]
Rifle33: checks
Noc-turn-all: checks
pokerngolf: checks
Myrtle: bets 500
Rifle33: folds
Noc-turn-all: folds
pokerngolf: calls 360 and is all-in
*** TURN *** [Ad 5c 4s] [2d]
*** RIVER *** [Ad 5c 4s 2d] [9s]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
pokerngolf: shows [6h 8c] (high card Ace)
Myrtle: shows [Tc Td] (a pair of Tens)
Myrtle collected 1220 from pot
pokerngolf re-buys and receives 1500 chips for $3.00
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 1220 | Rake 0
Board [Ad 5c 4s 2d 9s]
Seat 1: chekka (big blind) folded before Flop
Seat 2: swedenyes folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 3: cldealer53 folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 4: Jon&April folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 5: swest folded before Flop (didn't bet)
Seat 6: Noc-turn-all folded on the Flop
Seat 7: pokerngolf showed [6h 8c] and lost with high card Ace
Seat 8: Myrtle (button) showed [Tc Td] and won (1220) with a pair of Tens
Seat 9: Rifle33 (small blind) folded on the Flop

Hmmmm……pokerngolf calls allin for a gutshot……

I ask him…..”How’s your golf game?”

I get no response.

[snowbank]

First time I ever played poker in a casino, I'm talking to the guy next to me and I tell him I would have hit trips on the river with my 4-4 had I not folded. He tells me you should "NEVER fold a pair." I say, "what do you mean?" He said no matter whats on the board "you should always call the whole way with any pair because if you get 3 of a kind you'll win." Greatest advice I ever heard.

[B Dids]

"But I've got two pair"

Holding a 4 on a K7742 board and totally failing to understand why my AK raked the pot.

[BigBaitsim (milo)]

Had a fellow call on river when his 66 was beaten by a board that looked something like T[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] J[img]/images/graemlins/spade.gif[/img] J[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] 4[img]/images/graemlins/club.gif[/img] T[img]/images/graemlins/heart.gif[/img]. I held A[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img] K[img]/images/graemlins/diamond.gif[/img]. It took several explanations by the other players for him to understand that he did not have the best hand.

[TimM]

My friend heard this at the Bellagio last night from a player who was getting up to leave:

"I watch this game on the Travel Channel...

I just lost $270...

Don't watch the Travel Channel"

[jpym84]

A couple more good ones:
In a surprisingly tight pokerstars $.05/.10 game, some guy asked "how 'bout we make a no-folding rule."

This one's from a drunken email that got sent out before a saturday night poker tournament (the tournament was sponsored by my school's alcohol initiative, so naturally everyone started the night with their own "alcohol initiative")
"If anyone here has any say, put me at ****'s table to start... his mom told me all of his tells last night, so I'll own him"
****'s reply: "sleeping with my mom is nothing special, plenty have come before you."