My poker (loser) experience

[mythrilfox]

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Playing poker is a form a gambling and gambling is taboo is most traditional families. And when I speak of any religious hindu family it just magnifies a whole lot.

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I just want to point out something here, though it's a bit of a tangent. Traditionally all of society's codes of moral conduct have come from something simply being harmful to an individual or to society as a whole. We don't kill not because killing is inherently wrong, but because society would collapse. Same with stealing. Same with lying. This is where most religious codes of conduct are derived from as well. I assume the taboo against gambling is predicated on the assumption that gambling is -EV, which it has been for years and years. In the case of poker and a disciplined player, it is clearly not. I see no reason to continue to adhere to a taboo if it is now meaningless. This is all a very complicated way of saying "poker is not gambling."

If your parents are at all reasonable and you prove to them that you are a winning player, they will understand this. If they don't, [censored] them. You're 28, man up and start living your own life. If they don't want to support you morally doing something that you know is best then they are [censored] parents, and you need to begin to deal with this fact.

[4thstreetpete]

Hey devdas I think I can somewhat sympathise with your situation. In my family gambling is pretty much frowned about but for a totally different reason. I have several extended family members with very huge gambling problems that pretty much devasted their lives.

One was very wealthy and ended up losing all his possesions including homes, cars, his boat etc. He also lost his supermodel wife after he lost everything (big surprise there). I have another uncle who amassed a huge debt and has basically pissed off everyone he knows and now has exhausted all resources. Everyone keeps giving him money but now everyone is fed up because he keeps going back and each time he is more in debt. He also refuses to get help.

There's also been instances of suicide, drug abuse and domestic violence so I've seen my fair share of the other side of gambling addiction and it's ugly. My family's view towards gambling is naturally skewed so I see no point in talking to my family about my poker habits as they will never even try to understand. I have no need or desire to otherwise. I'm responsible for myself and I feel I have an excellent sense of money managemant and in control of my finances. I didn't always have this though and learned some hard lessons along the way but now I feel I have everything in total control and couldn't be happier.

I think the cultural differences makes it very difficult for others to understand. It's hard to judge a man until you walk a mile in his shoes, and it's so true.

I know you want to make your parents happy but if religion is not your thing then just make it very clear to them and try not to discuss it with them in the future. Actually this is a quality I admire in you quite a lot. I think it takes a lot to stand up for yourself when it comes to religion when your parents are raised one way. It's not easy but if your parents made you become someone that you weren't happy with then you might resent them later in life. Just make your position clear and let your parents know that. Try not to fight with them over this issue in the future, if they bring it up just ignore it and after a while hopefully they will leave you alone. You'll have to make it clear though.

As I see it your poker habits is a much bigger problem. You're not unique in building a huge bankroll and then losing it all, I'm sure many very good 2+2'ers have been in this situation, heck many of the top pro's in the industry have gone bust many times over. Either you get your act together or go get some help. You'll definately need to sit down and reevaluate yourself.

Once you get your act together, these feelings of guilt will be a lot easier to deal with. Sometimes a lot of these pressures that we face are pressures that we put on ourselves. You honor your family and want them to be happy with you, but we see ourselves as total failures because we don't live up to their expectations. After a while you'll see that a lot of the conflicts within us are self induced.