Balancing poker, social life, and career goals (long but please read)

Well I have a bit of a delimma currently since I am 20 years old, a junior in college and really embarking on an important period in my life. I really would like some advice or other people to give stories of examples from their own life, any age.. (old people have alot of wisdom so i'd love to hearr from them too). Also, professional players who live in vegas would have alot to offer me too. (If you're a pro living in vegas or someone whose moved somewhere without knowing many people scroll down to that part of my questioning)

Well my delimma pretty much is this. Currently I am very much involved in poker and working on finishing up college. I spend alot of time playing poker to make money and also alot of time working on investments such as real estate, stocks, mutual funds, etc. This takes up alot of my time and I am not as socially active as I once was when I entered as a freshman. I do have friends still but alot of the semi good friends most people have, I lost contact with those and don't hang out with them much, but I do still hang out with my good friends at least 2-3 times a week.

On weekends I no longer really go out to parties as much because it just feels like a waste of time to me in terms of what I could be doing and it's not as exciting. When I got back to college initially I decided I wanted to make sure I keep my social life happy and I went out, made some new friends, hung out with old ones, went to parties to try and score with chicks and the whole thing but, when I look at the bigger picture, I feel that my time could much better be spent trying to make money and set up a career plan that I can work towards to. I feel like by just being carefree and partying i'm giving up a great opportunity. So i'm not really sure what I want more. It would either be to focus on my social life and having fun for my last few years in college or focusing on poker and my major/education/career which can get me a head start on what I plan to do in life.

Now the delimma comes because I am in college and I don't want to regret not going out and having as much fun as I could, but this is also college and aren't we here to work and figure out what we want to do with life? I feel like I know what I want to do and poker also helps fund some of my investment goals that I have as well. Another factor is that since I have no expenses right now, I want to make the most money I can (I don't spend any of my bankroll) before I get out into the real world and no longer have this financial freedom.

Also, even when I get out of college and decide to move on in life, won't I end up having to build a new social network anyway? If so, why even invest so much time that could be used elsewhere into my current social situation if i'll have to start from scratch if I ever move. Like i said, I do have good friends that I feel very close to that I don't see as often as I did, but when we get together everything is normal. I just don't see how I could possibly maximize my social life as well as play poker to make money and work towards my career goals. It just feels as though i'd have to sacrifice one of them to a certain extent, like ive done thus far. I see my friends just not as often.

When I think about sacrificing poker and career goals for a few years to just have fun socially, I feel as though, yeah poker's going to be there later on and if i did just focus on having fun my last few years in college that i'd still be able to get the poker/career thing done when I graduated. But the problem with that is I could start right now and really get a head start on my career and have an advantage with poker because I can make alot of money with no expenses at an early age. On the other hand, when I look at just giving up putting alot of time into the social aspect for now, I feel as though since later on in life i'd have to move and rebuild a new social network eventually, that i'm not really in that bad of shape because I do have social skills and can make friends, but when I think of the fact that i'm in college and not going out as much as I used to, it bothers me. But when I think about the bigger picture and whats going to benefit me more down the road, it just feels as though i'd be giving up an opportunity now to better prepare my future.

Another phase of my questions that I have is to adults or people who have moved to vegas or to somewhere where they may not have known many people. When I graduate college I know where I want to live and it may turn out that I don't know anybody in the area, how do you go about creating a new social network? Is this an unusual situation to be in or do people do this all the time? (Move to places where they may not know many people) Like if I decided to move out to las vegas for example and become a pro (im not doing this but its an example that fits), is meeting new people and building a social network very hard to do in a new setting? In las vegas have people gone there and made some good friendships? If anyones been in this situation before please tell a story explaining how it was and how things turned out.

If my rambling is unclear my problem comes from that I want to play poker and focus on my career but this interferes greatly with my social life. I'm not sure which one I want to focus on more and what the draw backs would be. If i put poker off to focus on being social then I give up the chance to make a bankroll early and also could end up having to meet new people all over again when getting a job in another state, but if i focus on poker, I could end up having much less social connections than I could, not having a girlfriend, and becoming less close with friends I already have. Just not sure what's more important. Ive thought about taking time off from poker and my career and all that for some social gratification but later down the road when i've moved on from some of them I could be regretting not using my time better. I don't know, I really would like advice.

[vexvelour]

As for the whole social life situation:

Right after I turned 21, partying seemed lame. I had had enough of it. It gets old, well, I guess it gets old if you party as hard as I did (the works: you name it, I've done it). Drinking till you can't stand up becomes boring, making stupid chat with people you won't see till you're wasted again becomes lame.

I don't know what to tell you. This happened naturally to me- I just grew tired of it. Don't plan your life around your friends- thats probably the worst idea out there. Do your thing, get your [censored] done, then you'll really have something to drink to. Good luck.

[tongni]

Hey, I'm 19, I'm a junior in college, and I plan on playing for a few years right out of school, and moving to Vegas. I don't really go out anymore, instead spending most weekends playing poker, and maybe drinking once a month. My rationale is this: A lot of money can buy a lot of fun.

Hopefully when I'm in my mid-twenties I'll be having a lot more fun than my current buddies who are partying it up but will be working 9-5's in a couple years. For them these are the best years of their lives but for me they are just me paying my dues before I get to really enjoy it. It's all about utility. Decide what makes you happier. I know hitting 7 figures is worth more to me than getting wasted, although it's a lot closer than I make it out to be.

If you plan to work an office job, I would live it up now. But if your future involves you being your own boss and making your own hours, I would work hard now to secure that. But it's really a decision only you can make.

[davet]

I moved to LA, Miami, Key West, Houston, Las Vegas, Washington D. C., Orlando, New Orleans, San Diego, and now I am in Los Angeles, perhaps the poker Mecca of the world. With so many casinos, bad players, and the prop system, it is probably easier to make a living out here at poker than any where else, plus... I hated living in Vegas, though I still love visiting once in a while.

Anyway. As for moving to a new job, one way to meet a lot of friends is to try staying in a hostel for the first month. You will meet an international cast of characters, and you will meet travellers who are planning on staying in the city you decide to go to. I still keep in contact with some of the people I knew from those days, and that was years ago.

As for your social life right now. I will tell you that you will be lucky to know more than one of them ten years from now. It is foolish to design your life around other people. I did fall into that trap before, and it set me back quite a bit.

A good way to meet people is to find a hobby. For example: bowling. If you are sociable, I shouldn't need to extrapolate on this.

You will also learn that as you pursue your carreer, you will make several contacts, and many friendships will be forged from this.

As for your schooling: don't quit. As for poker: don't quit. If poker is your form of income right now, treat it like a part- time job. If you can just "work" twenty or thirty hours a week, then the rest is able to take care of itself. Your friends probably do it, so can you.

It might help if you wright out a scedule. It is really easy if you buy a calander.

I might also want to point out that several of the posters on this forum are probably thinking that 2-3 times a week of socializing is quite stellar when working around a busy scedule, and I agree.

[smarterthanyoda]

It seems to me that you're putting a lot of time and effort into your career and future, and I would be careful to make sure you keep a balance. Even though you won't keep in touch with all your friends for your whole life, your most rewarding relationships will be the ones you've had the longest.

Like vexvelour said, most people reach a stage where just partying starts to lose its appeal. You come across as a very motivated individual and you might want to look for other people around you with the same kinds of values and goals. Those probably aren't the party animals.

I've noticed a lot of times two things happen to a person's circle of friends as they go through this stage of their life. One, the circle gets smaller. Two, the relationships get stronger. Ultimately, most people get to where they have a girlfriend/spouse which is both the smallest and strongest "circle of friends" in their life.

I wouldn't worry about what your social life will be like when you graduate/move/whatever. Wherever you end up, you'll find people who are similar to you and you'll establish friendships.

Like I said, you seem very motivated and intelligent. You're giving yourself the kind of start that leads to a successful career. I don't know how much you're making at poker, but it's very unlikely to be very much compared to what you will be making a few years from now. Looking back on this time in your life, you'll find the money was less important than you thought and the friendships were more important. Play as much as you like for enjoyment, but don't neglect your social life on account of poker. The friendships will become a lot more valuable than the cash.

I don't have a crystal ball and can't tell you where you'll be five years from now. Nothing I said applies to everybody. Some people are happiest without a girlfriend/wife/S.O. Some people have a lot more close friends than others. But I think almost everybody agrees that, at your age, investments in your relationships with others will pay off more than your financial investments.

By the way, don't call me old. [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

I truly appreciate all of the replies to this post considering how long it is. I just wish it weren't so long so that I could get alot of different perspectives from people who have also been in this situation.

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Hopefully when I'm in my mid-twenties I'll be having a lot more fun than my current buddies who are partying it up but will be working 9-5's in a couple years. For them these are the best years of their lives but for me they are just me paying my dues before I get to really enjoy it. It's all about utility. Decide what makes you happier. I know hitting 7 figures is worth more to me than getting wasted, although it's a lot closer than I make it out to be.

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This is a great point and one that I agreed with as well, but one of the things I worry about with this is taht what if when you make that money, you don't have many close friends to party it up with because you spent so much time trying to pursue money. For all I know though, going to vegas its probably very possible to meet other young guys our age who are doing the same thing as us. I could definitely relate to someone like that.

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If you plan to work an office job, I would live it up now. But if your future involves you being your own boss and making your own hours, I would work hard now to secure that. But it's really a decision only you can make.

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Id just like to say you just hit the nail right on the head. My whole life ever since I had my first job, I had made up my mind that I do NOT want to work a 9 to 5, this is my life time goal, which is why I felt at this age, I really need to be working towards this. I did not want to be working my whole life, and preferrably I did not want to be working past 30 (but this would take alot of work).

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As for your social life right now. I will tell you that you will be lucky to know more than one of them ten years from now. It is foolish to design your life around other people. I did fall into that trap before, and it set me back quite a bit.


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This was one of the points I also was making about when I graduate, i'm probably going to be moving on and doing my own thing anyway.

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Like vexvelour said, most people reach a stage where just partying starts to lose its appeal. You come across as a very motivated individual and you might want to look for other people around you with the same kinds of values and goals. Those probably aren't the party animals.

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Right, but this confuses me since you are saying I should not neglect hanging around them. I'd hate 2-3 years from now if I spent all this time partying with people at school, making friendships and then after college I don't get to see any of them anymore. I like my friends alot but some of them don't have the same views on life as me so I don't really know if we'd be friends after school.. we don't have the same goals in life. They arent thinking about the stuff im thinking about, all they are thinking about is just getting at least a C in their courses and going out drinking every night. I did this my first 2 years, it was fun but then I got tired of it.

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You're giving yourself the kind of start that leads to a successful career. I don't know how much you're making at poker, but it's very unlikely to be very much compared to what you will be making a few years from now. Looking back on this time in your life, you'll find the money was less important than you thought and the friendships were more important. Play as much as you like for enjoyment, but don't neglect your social life on account of poker. The friendships will become a lot more valuable than the cash.

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Will the friendships be even more important though if I move and lose contact with them? I lost some of my best friends when going off to college because I just was never around them, the time we spent hanging out became less and less because I went off to college and they didnt even graduate high school so that was the end of the line for them. I'd love to say that you're right and that friendships are more important but i worry i might regret not taking my futuer more seriously when I had a good opportunity. The opportunity I have right now on poker is very good, i'm making like double my mother at this rate so I do have a good amount to invest with. But it takes a toll on the time spent with my friends on weekends like when they go out to parties. But ive attempted this year to go out with them and get back into that whole thing but I remember thinking to myself when getting back home that night that my time may have been more productive researching real estate/stocks/mutual funds, or playing poker.

[jskills]

You seem like a smart person who is doing a great deal more thinking about planning for the future than the large majority of people your age. This is a good thing.

When I was in college, I partied like a rock star. I loved it. Could I have a better head start on my career when I graduated? Yes. Could I have had more money saved? Yes. Yes.

However, did partying so much cause me to flunk out of school (as many of my friends did?) No. Was my career path impacted negatively in any way by partying and socializing? No.

So what we're really talking about here is balance. And moderation. It is key to peacefully existing in the world and within the confines of your own mind.

You certainly shouldn't completely forgoe the opportunity to party it up and enjoy yourself once in a while, but don't do it just because you feel "you have to" or that "you should". Do it when you feel like it. Don't if you don't feel like it. Simple as that. Of particular interest to me was your statement about how you don't feel very excited about the party scene as you did as a freshmen. This is 100% normal for a person who is preparing to depart college and enter the "real" world. It's a good sign.

Now please realize that once you leave school, all that is left in front of you is a life of work (barring full time grad school or something like that). Work can be fulfilling and enjoyable for some, but for most it is simply a means to earning a living and sustain a lifestyle. When I think back to college and the lack of pressure and responsibility I had then compared to now, in conjunction with the compelte indulgence of all the partying, concerts, girls, etc., it was certainly a great time of my life that I will never forget, nor will I be able to recapture. So keep that in mind as well.

In regards to social networks - you're also on to something. You will not likely be friends with everyone from college forever. I have a great many friends from that time in my life that I am still friends with now, but I didn't necessesarily go to school with them. If you are meant to stay friends with someone, you will, regardless of where you end up living. And if and when you do move, you will establish new connections simply by the nature of where you work, live, and the places you go in the off hours.

It's great to be prepared in life and your line of thinking is admirable. Being prepared for your career is great. Having a nice nut of money saved while not paying rent is very smart. But remember not to be too hard on yourself. Work will be waiting for you for the rest of your life as will poker. Everything in moderation.

Balance is the key.

Good luck.

[Xhad]

-Everything vexvelour says is truth.

-I went through a similar stage where I stopped seeing my friends as much, then ended up moving out of the state altogether. Most of the ones I care about, I still keep in touch with one way or another even though I haven't seen some of them in 3 years or so.

[cincy_kid24]

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I feel like by just being carefree and partying i'm giving up a great opportunity

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Funny, i would say the exact opposite is true [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img] You have the rest of your life to play poker, i had such a blast in college that if i were to go back and give up any part of it to play 5-10 on partypoker, well that's just a highly depressing thought. If you think that social opportunities and friends come along as easily as they do in college, you better smarten up fast b/c your whole life is going to be a mess w/ no friends, romances, social outlets and fun.
When you get out of college, you work. And unless you plan on flipping burgers (or giving it a go in Vegas) that usually means 40+ hours a week. All of a sudden there are no parties...uh oh...your friends move away...oh boy... and then bam! wife and kids...oh [censored].
You have the rest of your life to make money and pay bills and all that garbage, there is absoltely no reason to start earlier than expected. Do yourself a favor and turn off your computer for a week (try giving your power strip to a buddy or something) and get drunk and meet some loose women before it's too late.
Of course that's just my opinion [img]/images/graemlins/wink.gif[/img]

[cincy_kid24]

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I could end up having much less social connections than I could, not having a girlfriend, and becoming less close with friends I already have. Just not sure what's more important.

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If you dont know whether family and friends is more important than poker than you are very much screwed.