Divorce/Separation/Postnup -- OOT crosspost

[Al Schoonmaker]

I urge you to see a clinical psychologist or psychiatrist who does family practice. The typical marriage counselor does not have the training to deal with a person with severe bipolar disorder. The typical therapist does not have the training to deal with both husband and wife. You need someone with unusual training and experience.

A family lawyer is probably not the right person to see. Lawyers are professional adversaries. Their job is to fight for your interests. Of course, some lawyers are skilled compromisers, but far too many are just out to win.

And you're in a no win situation. Nobody is going to win, and the best you can hope for is to work out an amicable way to live together or to separate. If you can find a family lawyer with mediation skills, he or she MIGHT be helpful, but I think my first suggestion is more appropriate.

Good luck,

Al

[StellarWind]

[ QUOTE ]
A family lawyer is probably not the right person to see. Lawyers are professional adversaries. Their job is to fight for your interests. Of course, some lawyers are skilled compromisers, but far too many are just out to win.


[/ QUOTE ]
Al, I like most of your advice but not this. OP is afraid that his son is going to wind up in the custody of a mentally ill person who is "fairly abusive". He also fears losing his own financial future.

The only person who can help him understand his options for solving these problems is a good lawyer. He has a moral obligation to protect his son from abuse. As for ignoring the financial risk to himself, let's just say that's a worse EV play then all my poker mistakes combined.

A lawyer works for his client. He isn't going to war unless OP tells him to. The first thing the lawyer is going to do is explain the options and OP really needs that right now.

None of this precludes getting joint counseling with a mental health professional. It's not an either/or situation.

OP might also benefit from individual counseling. He has a lot to deal with right now and a professional might help him figure out what he wants or teach him methods for coping with his wife's illness/behavior.

PS: Bob, are you in danger? You don't specify what type of abuse you are facing. It is very common for women to physically abuse their mates and it sometimes leads to murder. Don't let misplaced shame or stupid stereotypes prevent you from taking care of yourself.

[bobdibble]

No, I am not in physical danger.. the abuse is emtional, and on a scale of 1-10, is probably only a 7.

I'm going to ask our marriage counselor about a specialist. I'm also going to see a lawyer about legal options.

It sounds like no one has ever gone through a post-nup here. To be honest, that is one of the more appealing options to me as it seems that it would keep the financial issue from escalating over time while allowing me to see if the issues w/my wife can be resolved.

[Dave H.]

I don't see how a post nuptial agreement could hurt unless it puts her into a rage that makes matters worse. Only you can judge that. If you DON'T think it would worsen your relationship then, by all means, pursue that option outside of the other options. I'm certain that, if you can come to an agreement beforehand, you wouldn't be looking at much money to have an attorney put it together.