Will the buthcher of Baghdad please stand up

[Zeno]

"JC will condemn you all to purgatory and Hell for all eternity."

So how is JC going to condemn all to purgatory and Hell? As I understand it, once you "do your time" in purgatory - you then ascend into heaven. A catholic doctrine, I believe. So you cannot be condemned to both places at once, although theology can be very slippery. To grasp all its technicalities and consequences is probably beyond me so perhaps you can supply some more details or an answer to my question.

By the way - Do you (or anyone else) know if there is e-mail in Hell? When I get there, I want to let everyone know how I am fairing. Will the coffee always be hot? I think the odds, at least, favor it.

JC only spent 3 days in Hell, right? Did he leave any graffiti? Or place any bets? I have many other questions; let me know if you can supply all the answers. Thanks.

-Zeno