A Dilemma

Im not posting this to be funny or to be a jackoff, its a serious query relevant to the lives of most poker players, especially those residing on the left coast, and soon relevant to my own life, the thus far pristine sexual health of which I care about as if it were my own child. I want to first bring up that a great man once said "get busy living, or get busy dying". Put a hold on the five-knuckle shuffle for just a minute and ponder that for a moment...Ok resume. Now I dont pretend for a second, not for one second, that what we as poker players do, our dream chasing, our endless hours of toil in pursuit of some fantasy life filled with beautiful, bisexual women, fancy cars, not waiting on trial, etc all of which we yearn for to replace the harsh ridicule from friends and parents and the countless hours spent downloading porn, but truly in the end this isn't different than what any normal people aspire to do. What is normal anyway? Is it having friends, going to college and working hard to get good grades, come out of it all to acquire a job and marry the woman you love and raise a family in the comfort of your own home? Is this what our great forefathers truly intended for us? Or is it exactly the opposite? The words of Stevie Buckingham ring loud and true today still: "You can go your own way." Anyways, that uncertainty notwithstanding, allow me to clarify that we are indeed a different flock of birds, perhaps, a fatter flock. And I also know that given the overall seediness (notice I'm really trying not to use the word pathetic) of the general poker populace, coupled with a pseudo-loneliness (which certainly weighs in exponentially heavier among those of you playing primarily online) that I will be able to accurately gauge (ah! his point) my dilemma in this case.

Anyways I'll henceforth be succinct: What are my chances, make a number out of 100 and put a % next to it, of catching the herp if I were to pay a fake titted stripper to park my over-sized buick in her garage of love, sans rubber?