Fake Wedding - Advice Request

[cocked&locked]

This post is long – sorry. The following is the jist of the post:

Me and wife go to wedding. Wife is bride’s maid. Turns out bride and groom were already married and hid it from everyone. We were not informed of this. Me and wife laid down bucks for this. I am mad. Bride and groom are scum. OOT help me with next course of action. Am I being a baby here?

Below is the unabridged version with the details.

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I like the way most people on this board critically analyze situations, so I think I'll give this a shot. I'm in need of advice for something that might be considered trivial, but has nonetheless been irritating the hell out of me for the past few days.

Early on this past summer, my wife and I went to a wedding. She was one of the bridesmaids. I'm a not friend at all with these people, but my wife has known the bride for quite some time. They aren't the best of friends. In fact, my wife hardly ever sees or talks to her. My wife feels uncomfortable around her because she (the bride) has had a somewhat hard life and constantly makes my wife feel bad about the fact that she had parents, etc growing up (we are typical middle class America).

So I find out the other day that the bride and groom were married last year (one year prior to the "wedding") by the JP. They hid the fact that they were already married. They had a ceremony and everything, just like they were never married before. My wife only found out from her best friend (the Matron of Honor) during the rehearsal dinner and just mentioned it to me in passing the other day. I can only assume that they kept it a secret from everyone on purpose for an entire year. I am absolutely livid about this. They purposely deceived the people they invited to this sham (presumably their best friends). My mother-in-law shares my sentiment. My wife was not initially as ticked-off, but after I laid out the circumstances, she has become miffed as well.

Here's the deal. My wife was lied to, had to contribute money to throw this bitch a "wedding" shower, had to buy a gift for the "shower", had to buy an expensive dress for the "wedding" and had to give a "wedding" gift. The "wedding" sucked anyway.

The icing on the cake is that one of my better friends was getting married and his bachelor party was in NYC that same night (boobies, booze, batting cages, boat rides, etc.). I had to miss the bachelor party for this sham! I would do pretty much anything for my wife - I went to the wedding for my wife, not these degenerates, but it shouldn't have happened anyway.

If they would have been honest about the situation, I probably wouldn't be mad. I probably would have questioned their motives for the event, but would have went along with it - given a gift, and been ok with it. It’s the fact that they lied that irritates me, and makes them despicable in my eyes.

Oh - one other thing, I'm not big on thank you cards - but we still haven't gotten one three months later. The least they could do is take some of that scammed gift money and buy thank you cards.

So I've been thinking about my best courses of action here. I've come up with some possibilities. I'm contemplating doing one or more of these:

1) Next time I see them - call them out on it. I want to avoid this because my wife was told in confidence.

2) Act like a complete prick towards them from now on.

3) Find the guest list and inform everybody else that went to the wedding the circumstances.

4) Write a nice little "thank you letter" to them laying out why I think they are scum. Also include in this letter an itemized bill for the costs we incurred. I know I wouldn’t get the money, but my point would be made.

Any suggestions. Am I being irrational about this? Should I be this mad?