i need tp for my bunghole

[SCfuji]

you wakeup. you remember that delicious filet you ate last night, with mashed potatoes, and creamed spinach. but its that time of morning so you head over to your little porcelain friend, grab your copy of SSHE, and let her rip. after reading through some quiz problems you are about done and look to your left, but theres nothing but a plain cardboard spool all by itself with remnants of white fabric dangling. you scream for help, but you know that wont help because you live alone. panic sets in. your butt is getting impatient.

what do you do??????????