Choose Your OOT Adventure: Chapter Two (with hopefully working poll!)

[The Armchair]

In the previous chapter, a majority of you decided to attack the kids.

Chapter Two: Red Rover, Red Rover, Send Someone Right Over

You charge at the first child in the patty-cake game and drop kick him in the chest. He passes out and disappears, but other than that, the kids seem not to notice your presence.

One by one, you pick off the children, until only nine remain. They, naturally, are the ones playing Red Rover. Six on one side, three on the other.

You run as fast as you can at the two littlest girls (bastard!) on the far end of the non-gymnasium. They’re at the center of the team of six.

As you charge full speed, Sally, the little girl on the left – that is your left, not hers, although I never understood how she can be on her own left, is that not odd? – wets herself. And boy, can she pee. She’s pissing as much as that guy does in the joke Quentin Tarantino tells in Desperado.

What, you haven’t seen the movie?

Dude.

Unacceptable.

Anyway, it’s a whole lot of piss. So much piss, that you slip and stumble harmlessly toward Sally and Esmeralda (the other little girl, the one on your right and Sally’s left), only to be caught by their tiny little arms. Pussy.

Their hands separate and an irresistible force sticks you between them, reforming the chain. Well, if you are going to be coerced into playing Red Rover, at least you are on the winning team.

The team confers on whom next to send over. Across the battle field stand three kindergarteners:

Billy, a three foot, two inch kid with one hand and a hook for the other, and an eye patch over his left (your right) eye;

Benny, the kid who is wearing that Tampa Bay Devil Rays jersey and bounced off the wall of fire;

Jason G., a 6’3”, 240 pound guy who is clearly on steroids, and is probably too old to be in kindergarten any more.