Getting tested for STDs

[Jezebel]

When I was in high school, I thought I might have contracted something due to the fire shooting out of my dick when I pissed. In order to avoid having to explain to my parents what the issue might be I decided to go to the Free Clinic to get tested.

As I waited in the waiting room with no less than 3 transexuals and a few other shady characters I realized that maybe this wasn't such a good idea. Just as I was about to chicken out and leave, they called me back to the exam room.

The doctor was about 70 years old and looked like he had been up for about 70 hours straight. As he walks in he is reading my "chart" and asks me, "So son, get hold of some bad pussy did you?" This caught me off guard and I tried to explain that it wasn't all that bad but that I was now having second thoughts on how good it was, given the fact that I'm now in a Free Clinic. He chuckled and had me drop trough. About this time he pulls out what looks to me to be a brush similar to the one I use to clean my 12 gauge. I ask what thats for and he quickly explains that its for a culture swab. I have no idea what he is going to swab with this drain snake in his hand until he grabs hold of "me" and starts to "clear the drain". I pull back immediately and try to convince the doc that there must be some other way. Just give me the shot and I'll be on my merry way. Well they don't just give out meds at the free clinic, they have to do tests, he explains.

So he grabs hold of "me" not so gently and proceeds to roto-rooter with aforementioned shotgun swab. I begin to holler and he tells me not to be a pussy and take it like a man. I leave an emotionally scared young man to find out a week later that I only had a urinary tract infection.

Good times.