One week straight

Well,it has been a week since I quit. I am going to be moving from where I am living now back to where I came from. There are several reaons for this. My support system is better to where I am moving and because of insurance I can get better help where I am moving too.

This is the hardest thing I have ever done. And I know now that the symptoms lie deeper than I thought. I have drug dreams and get some suicidal thoughts (nothting serious, but feelings of hopelessness.). Please if you do this crap, do whatever it takes to stop. You don't want to lose your "soul" (lack of better term).

I have been trying really hard and I feel some days are worse than others.

I also noticed that all my idols quit using drugs which is why I look up to them (I have a thing for redemption) or have died too young because of drugs. I don't want this to be me.

end of rant...

edit: Even though I make decent money, I cannot financially afford an expensive coke habit. Which only leads to one thing..which is usually crack. If that happens I might as well end my life now.

last edit: I am still suprised that more people don't do coke on here. Especially with all the money people make. It seems, at least to me, that the two would go hand in hand. One of the reasons I say this, is because there is a bit of "emptiness" of what we do. And even though I am sure there are winning players that get no rush from the action, I am also willing to bet there are winning players who get a rush (even though they win). I don't know, maybe I am just rambling.